Kids on adult holiday!

[barbadosbound]

Name changed for this as it's a bit outing!

So dh is 10 years older than me which means his group of friends are all older and therefore their kids are older!

Dh has just spoken to one of his friends and they are organising a big holiday for early 2022 in a villa and have invited us to go along with 5 other couples. Dh has said that we would love to but wouldn't be able to leave the kids behind (they will be 9 & 14), we don't have anyone to leave them with and judge me or not but I wouldn't want to leave them for 10 days. We just about get a babysitter for a night out!!

His mate said he is sure it's fine to take them but will ask the rest of the group but aibu to just say no now?

6 couples no kids and we want to throw an 9 and 14 year old into the mix? Surely they will now feel obliged to say yes but secretly they will all be a bit pissed off that we are changing the whole dynamic of their amazing holiday?

Would you be pissed off at two kids coming along? Would it not turn it into a very different holiday?!

So aibu to say no even if they say it's fine? Dh says if they say yes then we should go...

You lost me on holiday with a group of friends .
Will you have plenty of money left for a family holiday if you have a friends holiday anyway?
All sounds a bit middle aged trying to be 18 - 30 tbh.

You lost me on holiday with a group of friends .
Will you have plenty of money left for a family holiday if you have a friends holiday anyway?
All sounds a bit middle aged trying to be 18 - 30 tbh

I know number of people of all ages including 60+ who go on holidays as a group of friends, hire large villas and enjoy activities together. You don't have to stop having fun when you turn 30, ya know.

Op, don't.

But. If you had a childcare, you should. There is nothing wrong with nkt6 being with kids for few weeks. I was going to my nan for weeks and to camps etc over summers. It was great!

Of course not, but each to their own.
I'd find it very claustrophobic, unless there was a point to the holiday, like a hobby, interest, all wanted the same type of thing.

@barbadosbound

First few replies are exactly what I was thinking, I can only dream of a kid free holiday and if I got one and someone brought their kids along I would be so pissed off!! Don't get me wrong they are good kids but I still wouldn't want them there if they weren't mine 🤣

You seem like a very wise woman!

Yes you are right. I bet your kids are lovely and brilliant and I would be fun spending time with them but somwhere else, not on an adults holiday!

Are others bringing their kids though?
I know you said older so it might not be seen as bringing children but parent hating teens full of attitude can be just as bad so if they are coming then you're kids will be the least of the issues.

If this was my family it'd be either.

Dh goes without me as they are "his" friends but on the condition that later in the year or next I would get a break somewhere with my friends or even on my own!

Or

Neither of us go, with the thought that you could do a holiday like that one day once the kids are up a bit.

Depends on the type of holiday, personalities of the kids and your friends. My DD's would have been fine at that age if there was broadband, a pool and limitless lemonade. They liked conversing with adults and were used to going to parties where they were the only kids

This whole thing is my idea of hell. Couples holiday? God no.

I love friends holidays, we are very relaxed, we plan one activity and one evening meal which we all attend but other than that people do as they choose. I get great times with my DH alone and then when he wants to watch the football in a bar he can with his mates and I have my mates there ready. We do have holidays on our own but couple holidays are different.

Your kids would probably want to poke their eyes out than hang about a. Villa with loads of other adults for a week imo I wouldn't take them

@okiedokieme and there exactly is your problem. Your kids might like conversing with adults, doesn't mean it's reciprocal. Op don't do it.

It depends on the accommodation and general plan really, imo. If it’s a shared villa, no. Big no. But if it’s a big resort with activities and you aren’t planning on being together all day every day, you could manage it.

I don’t mind children but they do change the dynamic of the group, as others have said.

I’d be afraid that you’d essentially be spending a lot of time alone or entertaining them yourself while everyone else was off enjoying themselves...

@okiedokieme it's not about the kids though. It's about the other adults.

It isn't even to do with anti-child feeling or whatever either, more about the context. People with grown up children have done 20 years (plus) of child friendly child oriented holidays and don't necessarily want to experience that again with other people's kids.

Just decilne no one is going to say no as it means they are responsible for you not going really isn't fair to put them in that postion .

All sounds a bit middle aged trying to be 18 - 30 tbh*

Depends on the accommodation and the amount of personal space. If you all have private suites, hire cleaner and a cook, it can be fun. If some have to camp in the living room and everybody shares 2 bathrooms and have to set up a rosta to shop and cook every day, sounds like hell

It works out surprisingly cheap to rent luxury villa with staff when you divide by couples, if you compare with hotel accomodation.

Last year we planned a girls holiday for this year ( obviously been cancelled) but one lady was actively trying to get pregnant ( and succeeded) and she suggested that she would just bring the new born with her.

It was a unanimous no but no one had the guts to tell her - apart from me.

Do them a favour and back out now

I would worry that the kids would be bored, with no other kids there. And like you say, the others in the group are just going along with it but really don't want them there.

Can you not go for a long weekend and leave the kids behind?

I love a couples holiday like that but there does have to be a lot of give and take for it to work. We've got a couple of alpha males in our group who do try to be king pin but we've learnt to smile at it now and take it in our stride

I think you're doing the right thing by saying no now. you won't be relaxed because you'll be worrying about the kids and the other couples will be annoyed (even though they won't say it to your face).

6 couples plus 2 kids, no thank you, I wouldn’t go if it was a freebie.

I wouldn’t take children when no one else is. I also wouldn’t want to go on that sort of holiday. I’d tell your oh that he can go on his own. At a push I’d let him go for the duration and maybe try and find a relative to have the kids for a long weekend so you can spend a couple days out there with him

It would depend how much you'd be with the others - if your accommodation was just a base and you were all going off to do your own thing most of the time, I don't think it would bother me.

We once went to an old school reunion when our DCs were small. All the other couples were childless, and I didn't enjoy it at all. Our friends were very helpful and understanding, but all the same, for me it was just a change of nursery scene - with the added worry that it was constantly on show.

Very close friends, one person who can't get sitters, know the kids, fine
Couples holiday with not best friends,no

Taking kids to adult holiday, I think it's not fair to the kids, as well as not fair to the other adult.

I’d back out. Agree with all the PPs who have said that the friends may be too polite to say they don’t want your kids there, but it does change the dynamic a lot.

I’ve been going on friends holidays with the same group for years (not couples holidays as it’s a group with a couple of couples and some singles and some whose partners aren’t as close to the group so choose not to come/have their own friends they go away with). Last year one friend suggested that she bring her toddler to the next one and then another said she might do the same. It would change where we’d go, what we could do and although I do enjoy spending time with their kids I don’t want to do it for a full week or find that I don’t get to spend time with my friend because she’s busy looking after the kids the whole time. I was saved from that conversation because of Covid meaning that we won’t be going away, but next year... I know it’s different with a 9 and 14 yo but even so.

I think there will be radio silence from the others. Nobody will want to be seen as the bad guy. Perhaps suggest to your DH that he doesn't chase them up, because then it would get really awkward.