To feel as though I've been judged as a potential shoplifter

[101stNC]

I was in boots and thought I'd get myself a BB cream whilst in there collecting a prescription.

As I'm browsing the make-up kiosts looking at the options I can see the female security guard(?) has left her position near the door to come to the make up isle and stood at the end of the isle watching me closely. After a couple of minutes she approaches me and says that due to coronavirus testers aren't available which is fine by me as I had no intention of opening any of the creams anyway

She walks off back to the end of the isle and continues to watch me closely. I choose the one I want and make my way to the tills around the other end of the shop, I stop to pick up the dummy my daughter dropped and when i looked up the same employee is following me through the shop.

She only buggers off once she has seen me pay for my items.

I wanted to address her and ask what the issue was but as soon as she saw me leave the cashier she walked out of sight.

For context I'm 26, casually dressed (trainers and leggings) and have my little girl in the pram. I'm not a drug user and don't look scruffy (I hope!)

I phoned my DM to have a moan and ask whether it has ever happened to her, she said no despite the fact she regularly uses boots, Superdrug etc.

Today has reminded me of a separate incident where the same thing happened in a shoe shop, again where I was casually browsing to then buy.

I'm offended and embarrassed that this is the impression shop keepers get of me, what is the likely reason? Age? Pram? Trainers?

It's absolutely not the case that this happens to everybody as confirmed by the multiple friends I've asked since. She looked at me and made a judgement.

WIBU to complain or is that overkill?

Yo I can’t complain about about someone doing their job. Maybe you do look shifty!

@Regretful123
'@insideoutsider is it because you are black though?... Ok my example is not race related but is it because of how you present yourself or because of your race?'

How I present myself? If you look at my post, I described all the different ways I could be. I go wearing clothes that one would consider respectful, sometimes full skirt suit, sometimes, trousers and shirt, dress. When casual, it's normal clothes, not anything 'rough'.

My point is that despite being well dressed, even with my lanyard on, I'm still followed. If you ask many black people, they have the similar experiences.

I've worked Retail (Savers).
We used to use enhance watch on people with prams. Even they can absent mindedly our things on the hood and walk out or deliberately put things on the hood or in the pram and walk out.
You'd be surprised how many prams which used to walk in with no baby inside for that purpose.
I would say the leggings and trainers possibly added to it dependent on area you live in. Yes snobby but it's true.
If I were you, I would take no more, she was doing her job. I've had it myself when I had DD and afterward, sometimes your face doesn't fit or it may be similar to a known thief we had CCTV images of from another shopwatch store.

Take no notice not more!

She's a security guard. It's her job to look at every customer as a potential shoplifter precisely because you can't tell from appearances.

Get over it.

It was the pram. I was an assistant in a big music chain and it was hard to de-tag the products. I once caught a man using a razor blade over the head of his baby in a pram with the hood up.

My DM had this happen to her once in Woolworths at Christmas time. She was mid sixties and smartly dressed. She was trying to decide what to buy and kept picking things up and putting them back. She noticed a security guard and then heard her talking into a wallkie talkie and give a description of a potential shoplifter. She looked at what clothes she was wearing and realised it was her. She decided to buy her presents elsewhere as she felt so uncomfortable.

Complain OP

She’ll probably get a pat on the back for.... well, doing her job.

And you’ll be very much on their radar in future

Happens to me a lot. I think I have a guilty face.

This happens to me all the time. I'm a similar age but look younger. It was even worse when I was a teenager. I wouldn't take it personally, even though I know it's uncomfortable at the time. They have to do their job.

I’ve had this in Boots as well. Only in Boots recently come to think of it, they don’t even hide the fact that they are following and watching you either. It does make me feel really uncomfortable and to be honest puts me off going there altogether.

I don’t have children so no pram for me and I’ve never stolen anything in my life so it’s not like I have previous form.

It’s never seems to happen in other shops. So it does sound like Boots are particularly heavy handed about it.

I chuck stuff in the pram basket every time I go shopping... it’s easier than trying to push the pram with one hand. I’ve never been followed around (that I’ve noticed) and never been stopped. Almost definitely white privilege in action.

I'm over it now, I'm not going to complain. It felt personal and I had the hump about it when I posted. I can see it's actually very common.

It was the fact she was making it so obvious that irked me, she was standing at the end of the AISLE* crossed arms, just staring. It was uncomfortable.

If you want to catch a potential shop lifter rather than just make somebody feel uncomfortable then surely you would be more discrete.

Aside the abrupt and sarcastic posts here and having my spelling corrected I've quite enjoyed reading these replies and several have tickled me. Thanks for that

They don't want to catch you in the act they want to make sure you don't do it. And yes this whole post screams white privilege.

What do you think a shoplifter looks like?

@Josette77

They don't want to catch you in the act they want to make sure you don't do it. And yes this whole post screams white privilege.

What do you think a shoplifter looks like?

Well if I was a security guard i'd be most interested in people who look like drug users which is fairly easy to spot, because I do know that they are prolific shop lifters.

I only say that because because I'm not familiar with the other demographics of peoole who tend to shop lift.

The pram makes alot of sense now it has been explained to me.

Yes I agree it is very white privilege. I'm fortunate for this not to be a regular occurrence that I'm aware of, and I think it's appalling that people of BAME ethnicities have to deal with this regularly because it's humiliating.

It’s awful when this happens! When I was younger I was at a shopping centre and noticed this young lad following me round topshop, id just took a large amount of cash out of the atm and thought he was following me, so I left and he followed me so I took the elevator up and then straight back down the stairs and he chased me! So I burst into tears and ran to the main entrance where security were and it turned out he was an undercover security guard who was very offended that I was scared!

. I worked in retail for a while and unfortunately there are certain demographics who steal more than others.

This is it exactly. People presume that people will steal because of their demographic. It's the same for stop and search, same for checking bags, same for security checks. I got stopped by the police because they thought it was a car full of men (they told me this) - I was slightly offended as I had never been described as masculine before! They focus on the most likely candidates and a young woman with a pram in boots is clearly one of them. This isn't about victimisation it's about picking the likely culprits.

I agree with the possibilities around the pram, but it could equally have been that stores had been warned about someone else who was dressed in "black leggings, yellow t-shirt, white trainers" - if something had gone off elsewhere they could easily have shared the details

most security guards are BAME, it is a bit strange that BAME people feel targeted so often.

Lots of security guards are “Bame” but most security guards aren’t British, most are immigrants so could hold prejudicial views from their own countries. Also “bame” isn’t a collective identity, an Asian person could be racist towards black people. Or white management could be the ones directing them to watch certain races.

if you want to drastically cut down on shoplifting there's little point in following middle aged women in smart work suits.

BS. Middle aged women are the worst culprits, same with people in business attire. Shoplifting isn’t about who can afford what, some shoplift for the sake of it especially if they’re aware of their privilege - they know they wouldn’t be suspected or can pass it off as mistake if caught.

I imagine theyve seen an increase in thefts because of covid.

To the contrary I think there’s less theft since COVID. Less customers allowed in so easier to monitor each individual. If alarms go off, easier to know who as less likely to be multiple people leaving at once. Due to major layout changes high theft items can be kept behind tills/cordoned off so only staff can fetch them. Due to one way system, less room for blind spots/wider aisles = easier cctv monitoring. No fitting rooms open means clothing theft avoided. Some stores insist on baskets or closed self service tills.

@Juliet2014

Oh I remember you from a recent thread you started.

You have bigger issues with your gross DP than this OP!

What does that have to do with this? You've posted to draw attention to that why?

I'm well aware of what problems I have at home, that was fucking nasty.

When you hit your 50s OP you'll be virtually invisible to everyone in stores.

It’s definitely the pram.

I’m younger than you and never get followed around shops, regardless of what I wear. (I do tend to get better service when in corporate attire though.)

I used to work in retail whilst at uni/6th form. I was involved in loss prevention and liaised in depth with security re shoplifters. There’s a way normal people interact with products and those that are dodgy do. It’s hard to explain unless you’ve spent time watching customers as you develop an instinct.

Eg I was in boots today and the woman next to me was freely opening boxes and touching everything and was generally “too” comfortable. I had no idea what she was wearing and I never saw her face,- I was just watching the products and thinking wtf

Currently I don’t think wearing leggings and trainers are a problem as it’s just a trendy way to dress