To feel as though I've been judged as a potential shoplifter

[101stNC]

I was in boots and thought I'd get myself a BB cream whilst in there collecting a prescription.

As I'm browsing the make-up kiosts looking at the options I can see the female security guard(?) has left her position near the door to come to the make up isle and stood at the end of the isle watching me closely. After a couple of minutes she approaches me and says that due to coronavirus testers aren't available which is fine by me as I had no intention of opening any of the creams anyway

She walks off back to the end of the isle and continues to watch me closely. I choose the one I want and make my way to the tills around the other end of the shop, I stop to pick up the dummy my daughter dropped and when i looked up the same employee is following me through the shop.

She only buggers off once she has seen me pay for my items.

I wanted to address her and ask what the issue was but as soon as she saw me leave the cashier she walked out of sight.

For context I'm 26, casually dressed (trainers and leggings) and have my little girl in the pram. I'm not a drug user and don't look scruffy (I hope!)

I phoned my DM to have a moan and ask whether it has ever happened to her, she said no despite the fact she regularly uses boots, Superdrug etc.

Today has reminded me of a separate incident where the same thing happened in a shoe shop, again where I was casually browsing to then buy.

I'm offended and embarrassed that this is the impression shop keepers get of me, what is the likely reason? Age? Pram? Trainers?

It's absolutely not the case that this happens to everybody as confirmed by the multiple friends I've asked since. She looked at me and made a judgement.

WIBU to complain or is that overkill?

@101stNC

Have you tried a primer?
I have really sensitive skin and find micellar water is much gentler than Make up remover . I also like the Simple range

[quote GracieLane]@101stNC

Have you tried a primer?
I have really sensitive skin and find micellar water is much gentler than Make up remover . I also like the Simple range [/quote]
I do use a primer yes and I use garnier miceller water to remove my make up.

I have oily skin and have been prone to spots since having baby, I think it's a mild adult acne brought on by hormones. When the doctors are less busy I'm going to make an appointment and see if they can prescribe me an ointment or cream, hopefully that will improve the rest.

GracieLane - Thank you for the reply.

Dougal - his height and weight were relevant because he came near to me and was intimidating because of his size! I am more frail now and it was a worry. Doesn't explain the other assistant (female) standing just behind when I was trying to find a lipstick.

Happens to me on a daily basis despite how I am dressed (always put together), pram or no pram etc., if I walk into a shop I am guaranteed this will happen. I shop now always with a basket and make sure I place items back in plain view if I am no longer purchasing them, but I avoid touching things if I will not purchase them.

I once was stopped in Primark earlier this year after popping in for a look and then getting carried away buying novelty bits. I did not use a basket, but spent over £200. I was followed from the till through the shop, onto the next level and called back into the shop by two burly men, who proceeded to yell at me to tell them what I did not pay for. And then emptied everything tallying by the receipt, they even set aside items that they thought did not correspond to the receipt and then realised everything was paid for, just some codes they did not recognise and one item that was on sale that did not have a tag (I never take items without a tag usually to avoid this as it causes a lot of trouble and I always leave with a receipt- you can imagine what would have happened had I left without a receipt).

That's a daily experience for me.

I'm a black woman by the way.

I had something weird happen in Iceland too actually. I never shop there, decided to pop in on my lunch break to see what they have. I essentially walked in and back out within a minute as their shop/offerings were gross.

As I left, a staff member sprinted past me, stopped dead in front of me and stared at my empty hands. With a bewildered look on his face he started faffing with his radio and walked off.

I left, and later walked past the store as I headed back to work. The same guy was stood outside watching me and talking on his radio.

I can only assume that he was given false intel or that I looked like a previous shoplifter. I actually wanted him to “confront” me because I did nothing wrong, I didn’t touch anything in his shitty shop - let alone steal and CCTV would have exonerated me🤷🏼‍♀️ it was very demeaning, can’t believe he had the audacity to think I’d steal, especially from bloody Iceland

@101stNC

I have 3 kids and after each one I've got more acne! I barely had a spots as a teenager, now my skin breaks out so easily. It's dry and sensitive at the same time though.

I found garner is pretty good I've not had any problem with their 3 in 1 charcoal anti-blackhead. Only thing that seems to get rid of my black heads

Ironically when I bought that product In Superdrug I got stopped and had my bag checked by security. I was pram less, child less, dressed smart/casual. I did spend a lot of time looking at makeup and try on a few perfumes though

YABU. I don't know what BB cream is, but if the security guard didn't watch people, it would cost you more next time you stock up.

Just thought, maybe it's vanishing cream!

[quote GracieLane]@101stNC

I have 3 kids and after each one I've got more acne! I barely had a spots as a teenager, now my skin breaks out so easily. It's dry and sensitive at the same time though.

I found garner is pretty good I've not had any problem with their 3 in 1 charcoal anti-blackhead. Only thing that seems to get rid of my black heads

[/quote]
Thank you for the recommendation Gracie, do you happen to know if it's good for spots in general or just black heads? I'm interested to try it but it's not back heads I'm prone to, it's those those painful whiteheads that take forever to come to a head and make the area throb

I've got a cluster of them on my chin at the moment. V embarrassing and I'm not used to it. I never had a problem with my skin until DD came along

I'm constantly follow round shops by over zealous security guards, they're not doing their job, it's harassment.

I was once followed so obviously that the other customers noticed - a fellow shopper tipped me off that I had "better watch" as the guard was on to me! I have never felt so humiliated in my life.

Also, any guard or staff member who stops you and/or demands to check your bag is actually braking the law (as long as you haven't actually stolen anything).

Not one, but two members of staff have to witness you selecting, concealing and leaving the store without payment before they can stop you.

I'm just waiting for the day one of those over zealous idiots wrongfully stops me, I intend to ask them what the item was that I have selected, concealed and left without paying for and to confirm that two of them witnessed the above. If no answers are forthcoming, I fully intend to carry on with my day and leave the store, should they then put their hands on me and stop me from leaving I will have them charged with assault and false imprisonment and also take the store owners to the cleaners!

It's s the pram

@101stNC

It worked well at preventing white heads or getting the small ones but not so well on the really deep ones that I get with my period.

I had a security guard who followed me in the same store for weeks and weeks. He was the shittest security guard ever as he was blatantly obvious.
It was to the point he was so sure I was a thief that he missed a woman and a teen totally relieving the store of a tonne of stuff.
He was so bad it was almost like how a comedian would take the piss playing a really shit security guard.

After a particularly bad day, I had enough and a turned round and said "what on earth is your problem? You follow me all the time!".
He shrank! Then turned round and walked away.

He never followed me again, in fact he looked quite scared

It was probably the way you kept looking at the security guard. This. Every shoplifter I've ever caught has been repeatedly turning round to see whether I'm looking at them. I watch every customer out of the corner of my eye, but if clock them repeatedly glancing towards me, I'll watch them more closely. I once had a man tell me I don't need to watch him as he's not a shoplifter, thirty seconds later he shoved a large item in his coat.

Unfortunately shop lifting is all too commonplace and the Police barely acknowledge it as a crime, so you can't blame businesses for being cautious.

People take it too personally. The security guard doesn’t know you

A fair point, though admittedly it's not very nice when it happens

Maybe, instead of bemoaning the job they have to do, we should regret the reason for them to be there?

Does it really matter if she was watching you? You weren’t doing anything wrong and she was just doing her job. I don’t know why anyone would be bothered by this

@ChelseaCat

Does it really matter if she was watching you? You weren’t doing anything wrong and she was just doing her job. I don’t know why anyone would be bothered by this

Quoting myself - on reflection, I’m responding from a position of white privilege.

I don’t know what ethnicity the OP is but I can see why this is an issue for some people. My apologies if I offended anyone.

It does matter. I am not black but even those times when I am watched intently by a security guard is deeply upsetting. I can leave my pram at home and be treated normally again (as demonstrated by the M&S security not even noticing me when I went in without kids).

To be continually scrutinised for no good reason is undermining and unsettling. Knowing you may well be searched when you are just looking for a new lipstick makes you think actually no, I don’t want a lipstick that badly, I’ll do without. Why should anyone face that when they haven’t even stolen anything.

I am Irish and have faced minimal discrimination when people have assumed I am a traveller but I cannot even imagine what a black person goes through, even when not in a shop, just on the street or at work

I think it does matter too.

Before it happened to me personally I may have had that same opinion of "if you have nothing to worry about then it doesn't matter"

But it does.

It's humiliating and demeaning and nobody wants to feel that way, least of all when they haven't done anything wrong.

Also to reiterate, I am white.

It's not a regular occurrence that I've noticed but still, a couple of times is enough for me to hate how it makes me feel and put me off going back into those shops.

Knowing that black, mixed race and people from BAME ethnicities have to deal with this on a daily basis is disgusting. The examples on this thread really highlights that problem and I want to apologise to anybody this thread might have offended because it does smack of white privilege.

I just wanted to add to my previous posts. I don't think there is anything wrong with this thread OP and I don't think it's an example of white privilege. It's simply objecting to blanket stereotyping and it's perfectly valid to feel upset by what you have experienced in my view.

To the few posters who have spouted the old adage 'if you haven't done anything wrong you have nothing to worry about'. Well, if only this was true, it's nonsensical to me and can be dangerous. It is not living in reality, it's a fairy tale. For example a lot of harm can be done by accusing people of things they have no basis or evidence for.

If we go as far as looking at miscarriages of justice, these instances happen all day every day all over the world. We are living through a time when the news is full of these issues. It's a similar principle but different ends of a broad spectrum.

OP, I used to get this a lot. I admit I stand out a bit (disabled, using cane to move, kind of chubby) but couldn't for the life of me see why I would be considered a potentila shoplifter. Then one day I went to pick up some chocs from a tiny corner shop and was told by the owner to leave my sholley-type trolley by the door (disability means I struggle to carry things, also trolley good for balance). I did so but was curious so asked him why. He told me they had troubles with shoplifters putting things in trolleys!

So now I no longer take it personally when they watch me in shops, because it likely is down to my trolley.

However I once had a horrible incident in my local Asda. For a bit fo background I had not been so well mentally and was strugglign with my shopping to make up my mind. Part of the issues I have (a few diagnoses) involve a food issue, so I kept obsessing over the foods and then knowing I might binge on them, putting them back and then the cycle started again. Well, I eventually paid and then at door was stopped. Security guard asked for my receipt. I felt my heart go bang bang bang as I struggled to locate it and finally found it. I asked why they needed it. They replied I had been flagged by another guard because I was taking so long shopping and this seemed suspicious! I was quite upset because I kept thinking what if I HADN'T had the receipt? What if i had lost it or the self service till hadn't given me one?? I thought it was very odd, because surely if a shoplifter, you'd be very quick and try not to linger? T'was very odd indeed.

Retail generally is a horrible pressurised weird industry to work in and you get lots of angry people on weird little power trips to make up for the poor conditions and lack of social status associated with the job.

Managers are often worse as it’s not really much more pay than a cashier/shelf filler and doesn’t really have the social position of a normal professional job (but they still have to cover shifts at the last minute, do paperwork etc).

Plus there’s the humiliation of having lots of students working for them who are clearly going onto better jobs as they don’t have a 2:2 degree in media studies

So the only bonus is they get to wear a shiny polyester suit and a cheap tie and bully random people?

There’s a reason eBay and Amazon and online are taking over the world, and most people now prefer self service machines to pay. Most people are voting with their wallets and their feet.