To feel as though I've been judged as a potential shoplifter

[101stNC]

I was in boots and thought I'd get myself a BB cream whilst in there collecting a prescription.

As I'm browsing the make-up kiosts looking at the options I can see the female security guard(?) has left her position near the door to come to the make up isle and stood at the end of the isle watching me closely. After a couple of minutes she approaches me and says that due to coronavirus testers aren't available which is fine by me as I had no intention of opening any of the creams anyway

She walks off back to the end of the isle and continues to watch me closely. I choose the one I want and make my way to the tills around the other end of the shop, I stop to pick up the dummy my daughter dropped and when i looked up the same employee is following me through the shop.

She only buggers off once she has seen me pay for my items.

I wanted to address her and ask what the issue was but as soon as she saw me leave the cashier she walked out of sight.

For context I'm 26, casually dressed (trainers and leggings) and have my little girl in the pram. I'm not a drug user and don't look scruffy (I hope!)

I phoned my DM to have a moan and ask whether it has ever happened to her, she said no despite the fact she regularly uses boots, Superdrug etc.

Today has reminded me of a separate incident where the same thing happened in a shoe shop, again where I was casually browsing to then buy.

I'm offended and embarrassed that this is the impression shop keepers get of me, what is the likely reason? Age? Pram? Trainers?

It's absolutely not the case that this happens to everybody as confirmed by the multiple friends I've asked since. She looked at me and made a judgement.

WIBU to complain or is that overkill?

Shoplifters come in all shapes and sizes

I had it a few times when out with a pram/buggy too, it's not just the additional places to hide stuff but if the baby's awake you're constantly leaning in and putting your hands in too (moving blankets/toys or whatever).

Also I think companies like Boots send pictures of known shoplifters around the various shops and areas that they're known to operate in and some are quite grainy, you could just look a little like someone else or fit their profile.

It’s the pram. It’s so easy to shoplift using a pram, when I worked in retail young women with prams were always doing it. Honestly she just watched you she didn’t scream ‘shoplifter!’ at you or anything so just forget about it.

No reason to complain, the security person was just doing her job.

I was a store manager for many years, it's very normal to approach/watch customers in the high loss areas of the store to deter shoplifters and it doesn't matter who you are/how you dress/gender/race the more people approached the more the actual prolific shoplifters stay away. You'd be amazed what people steal, we stopped a women who had stolen a few food items(we'd seen her do it before so we're watching her) when she emptied her handbag she had something from every other shop on the road. Another family came together 60ish old mother with adult daughters and their infant dc spent loads every week but stole just as much. When they were caught only the daughters were banned so the mother still came in to get all their stuff and we literally followed her every time

Black friends tell me this sort of thing happens to them regularly, no matter how they're dressed.. One was telling me about an incident when, dressed in reasonably smart professional clothes, she noticed a not very competent store detective following her wherever she went. When she also saw someone shoplifting, she made a deliberate decision not to alert the detective because she was so pissed off.

I'm black and I get followed around all the time, whatever I'm wearing, work clothes or casual, with kids or not, no buggy. I don't even bring my handbag in.

I finally got the nerve to email the customer service dept of my local store. Still waiting for a phone call back. Then today, the security at the door started to interview me about my key worker status, asking for my ID, letter, etc - he had just let a white key worker in, no questions. I left, very embarrassed, with other shoppers looking at me to a different shop about 10mins away.

It never ends for some of us. I'm feeling really sad about it actually.

It feels horrible to be looked at as a potential shoplifter.

Definitely pram.

In Asda the scan as you shop machines are more likely to assign you a "random rescan" if you have nappies in your trolley!

It Is embarrassing but I bet it was the pram!!!! People are always shoving stuff in them in boots(I have a friend that worked for them!)

Happened to me once in Tesco.

All I wanted was some bodyform, painkillers and chocolate. Got the last two and realised the (male) security guard was watching me pick my pads. Made me incredibly uncomfortable.

It might be the trainers and tracksuit. I used to wear smart suits to work and was never, ever "watched" when wearing them, however, a few times when wearing no make up, casual (a bit scruffy) jeans, hangover (this was a key thing, it seems being pale and moving slowly is very suspicious...!) I was "watched" a couple of times in the west end.

I know that this isn't what the thread is about, but I was once "mistaken" for a prostitute when wearing scruffy clothes too. It was on a well known road near me on a Saturday morning with a hangover and going to pick up my car wearing jeans and a long cardigan and boots. A car with a male in it coming the other way saw me and swerved across the street to be next to me. He obviously saw the fury on my face once up close as he then sped away.

If you put lots of items in your pockets Whilst walking around the shop, can you be arrested for shop lifting?

It’s just I had a security guy follow me around and he was starting to annoy me. So I wanted to play a little game with him - hide all the stuff but go to the checkout and pay haha.

It's the pram. Happened to me a lot when mine was little. Made me feel really embarrassed when I was just try to spend money in their shop!

@insideoutsider is it because you are black though?

Because I’m white and I constantly get asked all the time if I work at a shop. I can be wearing stuff that looks nothing like a shop uniform including an Adidas stripped hoodie, flip flops, have a trolley.... and I’ll be asked shop related questions.

Ok my example is not race related but is it because of how you present yourself or because of your race?

@Regretful123

If you put lots of items in your pockets Whilst walking around the shop, can you be arrested for shop lifting?

It’s just I had a security guy follow me around and he was starting to annoy me. So I wanted to play a little game with him - hide all the stuff but go to the checkout and pay haha.

God almighty . Grow up.

I've got suspicious looking shopping habits and often have a baby in buggy with me. I always get followed etc. I'm sure they have a profile that is "Takes a long time to browse, trainers, leggings and baby in buggy"

There are allergies in the family so I always read every label. I have been stopped many, many times coming out the store and had all my shopping gone though. It's horrible. But equally I knew a couple of young women who would take their babies in buggies shopping. They would shoplift for profit. I know because they offered to get things for me. So obviously I looked dodgy to them too. Must just have one of those faces.

Dh got banned from our closest supermarket during lockdown because he decided to use a bag rather than touch a trolly or basket. As he went to leave the deputy manager stopped him and was really officious. I found it hilarious but dh (the nicest man I’ve ever met) was mortified and is now seriously reconsidering his casual wardrobe. I think it was the cap (which he’d put on to hide his wild lockdown hair). He was accused of trying to shoplift a small bottle of olive oil in a £12 shop. I think everyone is a bit on edge.

Before lockdown I was in Boots, took a basket and a very overweight chap stood in front of me saying "can I help you, Madam"? I said no thank you and carried on to the aisle I needed. A shop assistant then stood very very close to me whilst I tried to choose something! It was son odd. What was that all about?

@Regretful123

You have to attempt to leave the shop for them to stop you, so I believe as long as you pay for it you can put stuff wherever you please!

I would imagine it's the pram. I did once see a whole family, aunties, uncles, grandparents etc. stuffing as much as they could into a pram, dressing their baby, putting items in the shopping basket and under the footmuff and then walk out of the store.

Or you match the description of a known shoplifting. I had one eventful shopping day with my mum as a teenager, where we were stopped at every shop to have our bags checked as there was a mother-daughter pair doing the shoplifting rounds in our local town centre.

Happens all the time? They're probably bored and keeping an eye out

I get stalked by security all the time- no pram but I do have a very guilty “I’m about to shoplift” look about me. I get randomly scanned in the airport too- must have a guilty conscience about a previous life

Also I tend to make eye contact when I talk or smile at strangers and I always think that makes me look like I’m covering something up

Bit off topic, but reminds me that some security guards can be a bit, um, over-zealous.

My DP was once followed by a security guard when he was in Smith's. When he left, the guard stopped him and accused him of stealing the newspaper he was carrying. DP said he'd bought it at another newsagent's; the guard said he'd watched DP pick it up in Smith's and tuck it under his arm before leaving the shop.

Unfortunately for the guard, DP could prove he was lying mistaken, because he'd already done the crossword in the paper.

Are you sure if wasn't as you were shopping with your partner? I thought it was discouraged that families shopped together? I have to take my children (twin buggy) when I need something urgently and have no childcare but haven't been in a shop with my partner since March

Used to happen to me when DD was in a buggy. Always Woolies. Their security guard was a real prat.
One day as I walked in he moved to follow and I cheerily shouted 'I'm off to the toy aisle first, meet you there'.