To feel as though I've been judged as a potential shoplifter

[101stNC]

I was in boots and thought I'd get myself a BB cream whilst in there collecting a prescription.

As I'm browsing the make-up kiosts looking at the options I can see the female security guard(?) has left her position near the door to come to the make up isle and stood at the end of the isle watching me closely. After a couple of minutes she approaches me and says that due to coronavirus testers aren't available which is fine by me as I had no intention of opening any of the creams anyway

She walks off back to the end of the isle and continues to watch me closely. I choose the one I want and make my way to the tills around the other end of the shop, I stop to pick up the dummy my daughter dropped and when i looked up the same employee is following me through the shop.

She only buggers off once she has seen me pay for my items.

I wanted to address her and ask what the issue was but as soon as she saw me leave the cashier she walked out of sight.

For context I'm 26, casually dressed (trainers and leggings) and have my little girl in the pram. I'm not a drug user and don't look scruffy (I hope!)

I phoned my DM to have a moan and ask whether it has ever happened to her, she said no despite the fact she regularly uses boots, Superdrug etc.

Today has reminded me of a separate incident where the same thing happened in a shoe shop, again where I was casually browsing to then buy.

I'm offended and embarrassed that this is the impression shop keepers get of me, what is the likely reason? Age? Pram? Trainers?

It's absolutely not the case that this happens to everybody as confirmed by the multiple friends I've asked since. She looked at me and made a judgement.

WIBU to complain or is that overkill?

@NotEverythingIsBlackandWhite I think the poster meant that the op must be white because it was a big event for her, worth posting on social media for. Whereas if she was BAME, sadly it would be something she would be used to. That is white privilege, being able to be miffed by it and not find it something of a normal occurrence
(I hope I explained that well?)

I won't be complaining. It feels alot less personal after reading the experiences here.

I did take it personally at the time because it was embarrassing. Nobody wants to be thought of as a potential shop lifter.

I can understand the pram perhaps being the focal point. I didn't consider that but assumed it was the way I look.

I can understand the pram perhaps being the focal point. I didn't consider that but assumed it was the way I look.

It was probably the way you kept looking at the security guard.

I'm surprised your partner was with you OP - my local Boots are discouraging that - it means more individual customers can be allowed in with social distancing.

Seems like overkill to complain over 1 incident. My DMum kept getting odd behaviour from security guards, and did eventually speak to one shop about it to ask if she was doing something that made them uncomfortable. Turned out she look similar to a local shoplifter who was quite notorious at those shops.

This use to happen to me in one particular shop, in the end I complained after being searched again on the way out

She’s doing her job. You weren’t shoplifting so no problem.

If security guards didn’t do their jobs prices would be higher for all of us. I don’t see the issue.

Urgh it happened to me in my v early 20s. Horrid. Still hate thinking about it. I had no idea what to get my boyfriend for his birthday so I was wandering round Dixons - nothing. Everywhere else - nothing. Back in Dixons and I was pointed at, followed, pointedly said “hello madam” at. The thing is I was out of time and HAD to get something that day so I just had to tough it out.

They pointedly said Hello Madam?

My neighbour works in Boots and she said the amount of things that get stolen, by all kinds of people, is huge - prams, shopping trolleys ( not just grannies have them ), coats when it’s too warm - all are going to attract attention because all are used. If the security guard was just standing there, immobile, they wouldn’t be doing their job.

Being scrutinised happens to everyone and it can make you feel a bit guilty or targeted but it isn’t personal, though some like to ascribe it to demographics If that makes them feel better. The trope always used to be that it was the menopausal housewife, bored and hormonal which was an equally unfair stereotype.

. I make sure I am holding things I haven’t paid for yet clearly in view.

My boyfriend gets followed round shops all the time. It even happens when he's on duty as a plain clothes police officer! Some people just have a 'look'

I was followed the whole way round sainsbury's once by a Male security guard lol, literally the WHOLE way, down every single isle! I was mortified at the time but I find it quite funny now, it's never happened before or since so I guess I must have looked shifty that day

It will be the pram. My son used to get followed at our local boots everyone he went in. So started to pick up a basket rather than carrying stuff in his hands. It's due to the clothes he wears apparently certain brands where I live usually mean trouble will be caused...I say this after my friend was the duty security guard and didn't follow him and the manager asked her why not. She's known him all of his life.
It's a shame really as at 11 they should be able to go and choose and pay for stuff.

In my experience most security guards are BAME, so it is a bit strange that BAME people feel targeted so often. I'm not at all saying they aren't, but why?

She didn’t harass you, she watched you depends on your definition of being harassed. Making it blindingly obvious you are watching someone, and also telling them the testers have been taken away when there are big signs telling you so, goes beyond just doing your job. It appears to be making a point.

If you do feel like you get targeted for whatever reason, it's wise to make sure that you always pick up your receipt, even if you'd rather not for eco-saving-paper reasons.

I am 50+ and I've noticed it a few times. It has probably also happened quite a few times when I haven't noticed.

It is their job to watch for shoplifters, I wouldn't worry about it. If you are worrying about it and therefore are acting nervous or keep catching their eye, when you look to see if they are looking, you are more likely to look suspicious.

It happened to me in Boots.
I had the pram and I was browsing the make up.
It made me feel horrible but I guess they have to do their job.

I was followed the whole way round sainsbury's once by a Male security guard

If that happened to me I would just walk out, which I know makes you look more suspicious, but it would just annoy me too much.

I'm sure this has happened to everyone on a least one occasion. It's a bit weird and affronting, but nothing to get so het up about. Mumsnet seems to be a seething mass offendees today. It's 'I'm furious/livid/seething' right left and centre.

Meh, some employees get a power trip out of following someone they deem suspicious around. I am Romanian, in Uk for 13 years, and have sometimes noticed when talking uo Dh or Ds inr omanian around some shops, some employee will take it upon themselves to keep an eye/but in. I've leatned to just not give a shite, as the annoyance was taking to much head space. I dress casual I would say, mostly jeans and trainers, if that matters. If I were you I would let it go.

I’ve had that happen too. It makes you feel really awful and the experience stays with you. It makes you feel like they’ve judged you and they think you don’t belong there. As a white, middle aged woman this has happened to me exactly twice since I’ve been an adult. I’m fully aware of white privilege.

I’ve felt similar in a local boots store. The security seemed heavy handed and OTT. After it happened a second time I just stopped going there and use Superdrug now. Their loss 🤷‍♀️

I'm facinated by this.

Welly boots! Who knew?

DP has worked it retail for years and says that shoplifters use really exaggerated arm movements. Not really sure what that means, though.

Can understand the pram. DS grabbed an umbrella from Next while I was paying for something else. I was halfway down the street before I noticed. When I took it back I noticed the display by the til. Hadn't seen it before.

I get this a few times. I have a health condition where my nervous system is essentially 'AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH' a lot of the time and I can be bright red and sweating profusely even in deepest darkest winter.

It doesn't help the anxiety, it doesn't help the self concious feeling which in turn doesn't help the sweating/flushed skin either. Just have to get on with it.

I walk around Tesco and other shops all the time with dirt on me, sometimes hay or horse feed (I own a horse and I'm not like some people, I seem to attract dirt). Never been followed yet, must be the smell deterring them.

I wouldn't let it bother you. Probably just the pram. I imagine theyve seen an increase in thefts because of covid. Just ignore it, if you get angry about it to them, you'll immediately look suspicious. Smile at them and go about your business. Might help if you smile at them when you go in and say hi, that might make them think you're less likely.

Sorry 11 years in Uk, misscalculated.