To feel as though I've been judged as a potential shoplifter

[101stNC]

I was in boots and thought I'd get myself a BB cream whilst in there collecting a prescription.

As I'm browsing the make-up kiosts looking at the options I can see the female security guard(?) has left her position near the door to come to the make up isle and stood at the end of the isle watching me closely. After a couple of minutes she approaches me and says that due to coronavirus testers aren't available which is fine by me as I had no intention of opening any of the creams anyway

She walks off back to the end of the isle and continues to watch me closely. I choose the one I want and make my way to the tills around the other end of the shop, I stop to pick up the dummy my daughter dropped and when i looked up the same employee is following me through the shop.

She only buggers off once she has seen me pay for my items.

I wanted to address her and ask what the issue was but as soon as she saw me leave the cashier she walked out of sight.

For context I'm 26, casually dressed (trainers and leggings) and have my little girl in the pram. I'm not a drug user and don't look scruffy (I hope!)

I phoned my DM to have a moan and ask whether it has ever happened to her, she said no despite the fact she regularly uses boots, Superdrug etc.

Today has reminded me of a separate incident where the same thing happened in a shoe shop, again where I was casually browsing to then buy.

I'm offended and embarrassed that this is the impression shop keepers get of me, what is the likely reason? Age? Pram? Trainers?

It's absolutely not the case that this happens to everybody as confirmed by the multiple friends I've asked since. She looked at me and made a judgement.

WIBU to complain or is that overkill?

I get this all the time, if they let me in at all.
Primark is the worst, I'm followed all the way round. Been asked to empty my bag on numerous times, it's bloody awful. If I'm shopping with family forget it. "we've had trouble before, so we can't serve you".
It's never ending, I'm from an ethnic minority, and it's pure racist.
I'm 53 years old and consider myself quite a conservative dresser.

"Are you white? Because I am, and I think it's a really good example of white privilege"
What? How is store security keeping a very close eye on the white OP an example of white privilege? Did you assume the OP was BAME?

@Devlesko

I get this all the time, if they let me in at all. Primark is the worst, I'm followed all the way round. Been asked to empty my bag on numerous times, it's bloody awful. If I'm shopping with family forget it. "we've had trouble before, so we can't serve you". It's never ending, I'm from an ethnic minority, and it's pure racist. I'm 53 years old and consider myself quite a conservative dresser.

Do you have form? That's quite an extreme reaction if you haven't caused issues already?

Happens to me all the time, I got pretty pissed off a while ago when dp and I were helping our son choose a new coat and I could feel the shop assistants eyes burning into my back.

The coat cost almost £100 (( we always get decent waterproofs as we have no car )) and if it wasn't for the fact ds had ripped his old one and desperately needed it I'd have handed it to her, told her why I wasn't buying it and bought one online probably for a lot less. !

They have to follow somebody, it's their job. Based on the demographic, perhaps you just happened to be the closest fit who was in the shop at the time.

If it happens again I think I would ask her. Politely. I have only had this once but it does make you feel really uncomfortable.

Does your handbag say "SWAG" on it?

There was once a local co-op where the security guard followed me round loads, no idea why no pram etc. I once heard another customer having a real go at him for constantly following her around too. I gave a silent cheer :) It's just one of those things I think.

Last time I went in Tesco I saw a shop assistant nudge the security to send her up the travelator after me.

I've honestly no idea why it happens, I probably am a bit scruffy and usually have ds with me who's disabled so we tend to walk quite closely together.

Only thing I can think is, is that I look like someone else who's a prolific tea leaf ? 🤨

Upside is I save an absolute fortune as I very rarely go shopping. I save my money and spend it elsewhere.

To echo others - it's the pram pram every time. I worked in a few retail stores of completely unrelated products and very different customer bases, and prams were always top hiding spots.

It also doesn't matter how your dress. Well-dressed white women in their thirties steal just like any other demographic - but they are often doing it for the rush or 'because they can', like ol Winona Ryder used to.

Unfortunately BAME people experience this far more often. I used to work next door to a Boots branch where my black colleagues wouldn't shop as they would get followed every time.

I have said YANBU op

I will sound like an old fart but I had my first at 25, looked very very young and often used to get followed around shops when I had dc in the pram and had shop staff look down their nose at me. It used to really piss me off, like they assumed I was a teen mum (as if all teen mums are dodgy shoplifters)

It doesn't happen at all now I am 40 :D

I've had this happen to me several times over the years when I was younger and each time I would put my items back and inform the security staff that I'll take my business else where.

Blimey, was there a child in the pram

Oh yes. They didn't care.

It’s the pram-they the best thing to shoplift with, it also might be that you have been in a few times that she has noticed and not bought anything, you could have also been looking at her absentmindedly for a bit longer than normal-she would have clocked that and assumed that you were waiting for her to move or look in a different direction. I actually see a lot of shoplifting or shoplifting behaviour in my wonderings around shops, it is rife, and the mantra is trust no one, everyone is a thief. I have been working in retail a long time, and hate the fact a lot of my working day is taken up by people that don’t pay. Please don’t complain about her, she was doing her job and her manager won’t be concerned, she was not rude to you or give bad service so let it go.

It's the pram and makeup aisle combined.
Most likely right now they're keeping an extra close eye on the makeup aisle due to their been no testers. Even when there are testers people will try and use new products. That's pretty icky in normal times, right now it's dangerous so they're been extra vigilant.

You're taking it way to personally OP

Plus when she walked off back to the end of the isle, for you to know she was watching you closely, you must've been watching her closely instead of just getting on with your shopping.

That probably looked suspicious.

It’s happened to me a couple of times - when you’re carrying several small make up items it’s easy to slip one in a pocket and pinch it.

Never occurred to me to feel embarrassed or upset about it. Shoplifting happens. Literally nothing happened. Yes I would feel both things if I had been asked to empty out my bags needlessly, but nothing happened to you.

Please don’t embarrass yourself and potentially cause problems for a staff member doing their job for nothing.

*aisle

I have had this happen in Tesco, very indiscreetly. No pram, and I'm not sure what I did to attract their attention other than do a regular big shop. I was doing the scan & shop thing and saw the security guard several times while shopping. Then I saw him speak to the assistant near the check outs, and lo & behold, all of my shopping had to be rescanned.

Haven't bothered with them much since.

I don’t think it’s worth complaining about. I really don’t see the issue. The woman was doing her job. It’s happened to me before. Was quite blatant. If you’re not doing anything wrong then it’s nothing to worry about.

Will be age and the buggy. I worked in retail for a while and unfortunately there are certain demographics who steal more than others. Obviously the vast majority of the people within those groups don't steal but it's unfortunate that if you want to drastically cut down on shoplifting there's little point in following middle aged women in smart work suits. You know you're not stealing so just go about your business.

This has happened to me a few time’s in boots. I think because I totally zone out in the make up section and me takes ages to choose something which probably looks a bit suspect. She was probably just bored out of her mind I wouldn’t worry about it.

YABVU. Her entire job is to watch people to make sure they’re not shoplifting. She didn’t harass you, she watched you.

*it takes me ages

Funny, when DD worked in Waitrose she said that the worst shoplifters in the personal care/make up aisles were middle aged women. They always have someone on, rumbling the shelves to keep a physical presence.