Friend is asking for baby clothes back

[Evasmummy2019]

So back in August last year while I was 5 months pregnant, my childhood friend kindly gave me 2 big bags of her daughters baby clothes. Her baby is 1 year younger than my new arrival. So all season appropriate clothes for my new winter baby. Most of the clothes were good condition aland very pretty, some were stained or bobbly or faded. But I sorted through it and kept what I wanted. My daughter has enjoyed wearing her pretty clothes for which I am extremely grateful for. It saved us an awful lot of money. My friend gave us lots of newborn, 0 to 3 and 3 to 6 months. My daughter is a very chunky girl so was out of the 3 to 6 at around 4 months old. At which time I passed on the clothes that weren't too worn or stained (threw the rest away or cut up for rags) to my sister in law who was also pregnant and expecting a girl. To which she was very grateful for. It being lockdown and all.

But now my friends mum has messaged me asking for all of the baby clothes back. My friend is not pregnant nor can she have any more children. And before she gave me the clothes there was no mention of them being on loan. Or having them back when I was done.
I've messaged my friend to confirm this and she's said yes. She does want them back. And in the next week or so. I find this really upsetting.

I could get some of them back but my neice was only born in early May so is still in them and my brother and his young family have been struggling financially during the virus etc. I don't really want to have to tell them that they need to buy all new clothes for their daughter because I need the clothes back to give to my friend. I also don't want to fall out with my friend over baby clothes.
Amy advice. Am I being unreasonable to be upset that's she's asked me to give them back. Or is she being unreasonable to ask for them back.

Maybe you could give back whatever is left in a couple of months, when your niece has finished with them?

No wonder the parents of only children feel stigmatised, with this sort of lazy stereotyping.

I fear in this case the stereotype holds true... she's 32 and she's got her mum involved in asking a friend to return a bag of baby clothes!

In your position, I think I would personally say "oh, I'm really sorry but most of them weren't fit to keep after the usual baby stains, multiple washes, etc so I got rid of them
I think that would probably be taken as 'you gave me a load of grubby old clothes' and cause more resentment!

Why on earth would anyone loan baby clothes?! Way too much aggravation. I have never asked anyone I have been given clothes by and have never been asked by anyone I have given clothes to as to whether said items should be returned after use. If you want them back you should state at the point of handover otherwise it isn’t a loan, it’s gifting.

I would just be honest and tell her the truth. I would also tell her if she had made it clear it was a loan then you probably wouldn’t have accepted and this whole awful situation could have been avoided.

I only ever read about this happening on MN, it isn’t a think with anyone I know in real life.

Unless she put a name badge in each piece of clothing, how would you even keep track of what she had given you? We were one of the last of our friendship group to have children, so were given lots of hand-me-downs - I would have had no idea who gave us what a couple of months down the line as it all gets mixed together. Your friend is being very unreasonable, especially as she told you she'd kept all the bits that were special to her. There must be something else going on as this is very odd behaviour on her part. I think as a pp said, just be honest and say you had no idea they were supposed to be a loan and you have passed them on yourself.

I'd give back the ones you have and just say to her that you have given away the others because you didn't realise she wanted them back.

She’s your close friend, just text or call her! Don’t overthink it! For what it’s worth I don’t think you’ve done anything wrong, she should have said once you’re finished with them that she’d like them back x

Could this be about her DM? My MIL was desperate to keep my DD's baby clothes. Kept going on and on about how we wouldnt have to pass them on or worry about storing them because she would put them in her attic.

We declined over and over mostly because she lives 3 hours away so not practical at all and partly because we didnt think we'd get them back as she has a history for hoarding.

Is this possible for your friends situation?

I’m sorry but no, that’s ludicrous. Firstly, if she wanted them back she should have specifically said so - as in my world, the assumption is that if you “give” baby clothes to a friend that no longer fit your DC, then you certainly don’t expect them back. Anything I wanted to keep for my next DC I would never lend to someone else, as HELLO, they’re baby clothes. Eg stained by shit and sick, especially 0-6m old clothes.

You just have to be honest but polite and say I’m so sorry, we obviously had a miscommunication as you never stressed that you’d want the clothes back so I’ve passed them on to other new babies. Also, a number of things were soiled so I wouldn’t assume anyone else would want to wear them.

Job done.

I’d imagine that her mother knows someone else who has had a baby and thought she’d pass them on. You’re going to have to speak to your friend as soon as possible. Tell her you’re really sorry but you’ve thrown some of the older, worn out stuff away and passed the rest onto your sister in law, who is using it for her newborn. Say you could ask for that stuff back, but it might leave your sil in a mess. Offer to pass on your daughter’s current clothes when she grows out of them as a compromise?

There was a couple of joules onesie but they were quite worn. The rest were from George, f&f, matalan and a few from next and m&co but were well worn.

When ever I have been given hand me downs I always check with that person before I pass them on again. When I pass stuff on I'm always very clear that if they are no good just pass them on charity shop them.
Seems there was miscommunication on your friends part..

Sorry if I'm misunderstanding something but how can you afford IVF but not new baby clothes that you can get cheaply from Asda, Primark, Tesco and other places?

Honestly, it would NEVER have occurred to me that "loaning" out baby clothes was a thing!!
I was given, and used, hand-me-downs when my two were babies. And I also passed things on to others once they grew out of stuff! I just thought that was what you did?!
Yes, of course you keep hold of a few "special items", but everything else is fair game I thought. I've never had, or heard of anyone else, having any expectation of getting things back again.

Funny story:
My older sister was the first of a "new generation" of babies born. Her stuff came down to me, then went on to two slightly younger cousins... One item was a quite distinctive blue dress...
One day, my mum went to visit her youngest sister (mum of the cousins mentioned). Was sat in her living room and happened to glance out the window to see a little girl going past with her mum, wearing a familiar looking blue dress...
Turned out this was the next door neighbour, who had had the dress handed down to her! Mum worked it out, and this little dress had served 6 little girls well!
THAT'S what "hand-me-downs" should be.
OP, your friend is being a bit crazy, but you need to tell her the truth.

You need to give back what you do have, regardless of you wanting to hang on to them. Explain that as you had thought she was giving them to you you have passed the rest on.

It doesn't have to be a big deal. But you do need to give back what you have.

Designer? No! All f&f, George, primark, some m&co and a couple of next bits. And no I'd never do anything like pretend it was from me. I've told my sister in law most is donated

I also don’t understand why you can’t pick up the phone and say oh shit I gave them away, or why you didn’t tell your friend at the time.

Neither of you are behaving like you’re even friends.

Ilovechinese

Do you have any idea now expensive IVF is?

I am guessing these were all designer clothes and you pretended to your brother / sil that they were from you which is why you can’t go back to them?
What a weird thing to guess.

why does she need them back? if you know why, there may be a simple solution. why won't you ask or tell us.

the more you reply, the more it sounds like you don't want to return them and that you don't like your friends. You said some pretty mean things about her considering you claim she is such a close friend.

u should just tell her u gave them away🤷🏻‍♀️. I gave my aunty my sons baby clothes for her boy and she’s passed them on to ppl who needs them isn’t that what hand me downs are? I kept the special things.

Some of the replies on here are weird. Do you people really remember whose given you what and check back with them? That’s mental. If someone gifts you something it is yours.

She’s full of crap, it was never a loan she has just changed her mind and is chancing her luck. Just tell her she can’t have them back. Either she’ll get over it or she won’t. It’s not your problem.

I would give them back but I would not be happy about it.

So, lots of advice here OP!

What are you going to do?

What did they say when you returned the clothes?!?!?!?!

Of course, she wanted the money and not the clothes! She tried to act shocked, 'Oh, but you're getting such a bargain!' I just said sorry for the misunderstanding, I wasn't told the clothes were for sale and wasn't interested in purchasing them. That shut her up. Just telling someone the truth is the way to go. Cheeky fuckers count on people being shocked and not calling them out on their cheek to get what they want.

If you're loaning something, the onus is on you to say it's a loan.