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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Friend is asking for baby clothes back

856 replies

Evasmummy2019 · 16/06/2020 11:49

So back in August last year while I was 5 months pregnant, my childhood friend kindly gave me 2 big bags of her daughters baby clothes. Her baby is 1 year younger than my new arrival. So all season appropriate clothes for my new winter baby. Most of the clothes were good condition aland very pretty, some were stained or bobbly or faded. But I sorted through it and kept what I wanted. My daughter has enjoyed wearing her pretty clothes for which I am extremely grateful for. It saved us an awful lot of money. My friend gave us lots of newborn, 0 to 3 and 3 to 6 months. My daughter is a very chunky girl so was out of the 3 to 6 at around 4 months old. At which time I passed on the clothes that weren't too worn or stained (threw the rest away or cut up for rags) to my sister in law who was also pregnant and expecting a girl. To which she was very grateful for. It being lockdown and all.

But now my friends mum has messaged me asking for all of the baby clothes back. My friend is not pregnant nor can she have any more children. And before she gave me the clothes there was no mention of them being on loan. Or having them back when I was done.
I've messaged my friend to confirm this and she's said yes. She does want them back. And in the next week or so. I find this really upsetting.

I could get some of them back but my neice was only born in early May so is still in them and my brother and his young family have been struggling financially during the virus etc. I don't really want to have to tell them that they need to buy all new clothes for their daughter because I need the clothes back to give to my friend. I also don't want to fall out with my friend over baby clothes.
Amy advice. Am I being unreasonable to be upset that's she's asked me to give them back. Or is she being unreasonable to ask for them back.

OP posts:
Juiceey · 16/06/2020 14:51

Send her this thread :)

ishouldtryabiteachdayy · 16/06/2020 14:51

Ridiculous wanting them back.. I've passed on baby clothes that I've been given or recycled them. So many stains normally mean they go into the recycling bin. I didn't sell them as that felt wrong, also not in great condition.

I've given stuff to my cousin do not want it back.

Evasmummy2019 · 16/06/2020 14:51

Not that is has anything to do with you. But we had NHS funded ivf and rounds of clomid. We have bought clothes for our baby. But have been lucky enough to be given a lot of stuff by friends and family

OP posts:
bumbleymummy · 16/06/2020 14:52

Maybe she’s just recently come across those companies that make teddies/quilts out of baby clothes and she wants them back to do that with?

DisobedientHamster · 16/06/2020 14:53

If she'd pressed further I'd have told her I wasn't interested in purchasing them because they sure AF weren't worth 50 quid Grin!

chickadeedeedee · 16/06/2020 14:53

@Ilovechinese how rude of you.

SomethingNastyInTheBallPool · 16/06/2020 14:55

Christ almighty, woman, why can’t you just talk to her and explain that you thought they were a gift and you’ve passed them on?

pipnchops · 16/06/2020 14:55

You're going to have to come clean but you didn't so anything wrong, if they were sentimental to her she should have explained this when she gave them to you and made it clear they were on loan. You are going to have to come clean that you got rid of some but explain they were too worn out to be any use and you could maybe offer to give the others back once you're sister in laws baby has outgrown them?

Z0rr0 · 16/06/2020 14:55

Years ago my best friend got pregnant and I was working somewhere that I was in a position to get some really unusual and gorgeous orange (and other colours) Wallace & Gromit baby clothes. I loved them and wanted to keep them even though I had no plans then to have kids (but some day) so I really wanted my friend to have them.
I gifted them but also said 'when I get pregnant I'd really like these back'.
Some years later I did get pregnant. I guess she didn't realise I was serious as she had got rid of them. She never visited me or my baby(ies). We live some distance apart but I visited her both times she had her kids. It was the end of the friendship. I was very hurt that she never came to see me and my new born. (And that she gave my W&G clothes away!!) Her husband's ex even lives in our town so they drove here fairly regularly to see his sons!
Anyway, I've never said that before, so apologies for making it all about me!
Sure a best friend would understand their mistake (I wouldn't expect hand-me-downs to be given back, so the mistake isn't yours) and you can apologise, explain the clothes are being enjoyed yet again by your niece and of course you will get them back for her when the niece has grown out of them.

Haretodaygonetomorrow · 16/06/2020 14:57

I'd like to keep a couple of the grey and neutral baby bits that my daughter had worn incase we are lucky enough to get pregnant again.

That would be really unkind. You should return to her what you can.

There was a couple of joules onesie but they were quite worn. The rest were from George, f&f, matalan and a few from next and m&co but were well worn.

They can’t have been that worn if you want to keep them for another (potential) child, and they were in good enough condition to pass onto your niece.

Fizzysours · 16/06/2020 14:57

@Ilovechinese newclothes from primark etc, for a baby that will wear them for a few months, have an apalling carbon footprint. Far classier to dress your baby in recycled clothes in my opinion

honeylulu · 16/06/2020 14:59

Just tell her you are sorry but you thought they had been given so you've passed them on. If you have any bits left then offer them back since she feels strongly.

She's being rather silly if she never said previously she wanted them back. Maybe she's been depressed or moping during lockdown and getting upset that she won't have any more children and she's fixating on the clothes.

Maybe she regrets not keeping more for sentimental reasons. (After I had my youngest I did Marie Kondo and I actually wish I'd kept a few more special things.)

Maybe she's one of these people who likes to be generous but then feels her generosity isn't sufficiently appreciated and this manifests itself by reclaiming what's she's given you - my MIL was like this, to the extent that I stopped accepting anything from her because the chances were she'd try and take it back a few weeks later! This even included a canteen of cutlery which was a wedding present.

There isn't much you can do about it now except as I say give back anything you've still got and say you'll ask your SIL to do the same with anything she's still got, once your niece is no longer using.

Rainycloudyday · 16/06/2020 15:00

@Z0rr0 sorry but that sounds like a bit of a strange overreaction to me. If you gifted her the clothes they were hers to do as she wishes with, you can’t give a gift with strings attached. Tbh if you mentioned wanting them back if you got pregnant some day in the hypothetical future she probably just forgot! I certainly wouldn’t store gifted baby clothes for years to return on the offchance that person got pregnant. If you wanted them that much you should really have bought them and stored them yourself!

CrazyTimesAreOccurring · 16/06/2020 15:00

@Z0rr0 - you didnt gift them if you asked for them back. You cant gift AND want them back Hmm.

Did you REALLY expect her to keep them for YEARS for you until you had children?? Wow

lucyintheskywithcz · 16/06/2020 15:01

I think I would just say that you didn't know she wanted them back - that you've passed them to your niece and that she is wearing them. If she still really wants them back I would give them to her as it's not her responsibility to dress your niece but hopefully she will understand and be more reasonable

Ilovechinese · 16/06/2020 15:01

@Evasmummy2019 well since your coming onto a public forum you are making it peoples business! Ha it's a joke being called rude on mumsnet where most people are rude or/and racist on here. If you can afford to buy your own babies clothes then do so and give her the ones you have back!

harper30 · 16/06/2020 15:01

Have you text her OP? I think some PPs have given good advice on what to text her.
I think YANBU and the friend is at fault for not telling you it was a loan when she gave you the clothes. If I gave baby clothes to someone I wouldn't ever imagine having them back after the baby grew out of them! How would the parent remember which was which??
When a friend and colleague of mine got pregnant I lent her all of our baby stuff, a snuzpod, rocker, bassinet, jumperoo, baby bath, ergo baby carrier, literally the lot, but I just said when I offered it to her that I'll have it all back if me and DP have another baby, which won't be for a few years. So I made it clear it was a loan but that she could keep them pretty much indefinitely until I end up having another one. If your friend wasn't clear like that, she shouldn't expect them back.
Let us know what you say and if she replies!

octobersky19 · 16/06/2020 15:03

That's so strange, I wouldn't of thought they were a loan.. how odd!

lucyintheskywithcz · 16/06/2020 15:04

I think she's probably pissed off that you passed them on without asking which I do understand. I would have checked first tbh

EmpressSuiko · 16/06/2020 15:05

This is strange, any clothes given to someone shouldn’t be expected back unless stating it’s a loan and not a gift.

1300cakes · 16/06/2020 15:06

This is my nightmare so I always double check at the time of accepting the item/s whether it is a loan or not. If it was a loan of clothes, I wouldn't accept. How on earth would you keep track of what belonged to who.

I would only accept loans of identifiable, indestructible items like a jumparoo, breast pump, change table, etc.

MissBaskinIfYoureNasty · 16/06/2020 15:06

Soooo what are you going to do OP?

EmpressSuiko · 16/06/2020 15:08

I’ve given away loads of clothes and I wouldn’t expect to be asked permission to pass them on to someone else, once gifted they belong to the new person to do with as they please.

ScrumptiousBears · 16/06/2020 15:08

I think you just need to message her what's happened.

EmeraldShamrock · 16/06/2020 15:09

Honesty is the best. If she wants to fall out over it then she'll be doing you a favour.
Don't let this put you off hand downs I genuinely love passing on a bag of clothes just clarify they're not a loan in the future