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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Friend is asking for baby clothes back

856 replies

Evasmummy2019 · 16/06/2020 11:49

So back in August last year while I was 5 months pregnant, my childhood friend kindly gave me 2 big bags of her daughters baby clothes. Her baby is 1 year younger than my new arrival. So all season appropriate clothes for my new winter baby. Most of the clothes were good condition aland very pretty, some were stained or bobbly or faded. But I sorted through it and kept what I wanted. My daughter has enjoyed wearing her pretty clothes for which I am extremely grateful for. It saved us an awful lot of money. My friend gave us lots of newborn, 0 to 3 and 3 to 6 months. My daughter is a very chunky girl so was out of the 3 to 6 at around 4 months old. At which time I passed on the clothes that weren't too worn or stained (threw the rest away or cut up for rags) to my sister in law who was also pregnant and expecting a girl. To which she was very grateful for. It being lockdown and all.

But now my friends mum has messaged me asking for all of the baby clothes back. My friend is not pregnant nor can she have any more children. And before she gave me the clothes there was no mention of them being on loan. Or having them back when I was done.
I've messaged my friend to confirm this and she's said yes. She does want them back. And in the next week or so. I find this really upsetting.

I could get some of them back but my neice was only born in early May so is still in them and my brother and his young family have been struggling financially during the virus etc. I don't really want to have to tell them that they need to buy all new clothes for their daughter because I need the clothes back to give to my friend. I also don't want to fall out with my friend over baby clothes.
Amy advice. Am I being unreasonable to be upset that's she's asked me to give them back. Or is she being unreasonable to ask for them back.

OP posts:
Gutterton · 20/06/2020 13:38

Ooooh it gets worse and worse. She was planning a set up to humiliate you on her turf in front of this friend - showing her how high she could make you jump.

Disconnect from her toxic web. Don’t get drawn or emotional. Be cool, detached, dignified. Turn away from this group and focus on positive people.

She is a manipulative bully.

What I would learn from this is that on reflection people who leave you feeling confused, unsettled, a bit insecure after you have been with them are worth swerving. Your body is picking up and storing their under the radar snipes and manipulations - numerous micro aggressions - which one on one just seem “odd” or “off” - but it’s the totality that builds that alerts you that this is not random coincidences. You don’t need an intellectual explanation for these feelings - you just need to attend to them and step back or away.

Sorry you have been dragged through this toxic soup - but step away, brush yourself down - know that you are a kind, respectful and peaceful person - and she is not.

0v9c99f9g9d939d9f9g9h8h · 20/06/2020 22:25

gutterton

That's the kind of suspicion only toxic people have.

KentuckyBlueberry · 20/06/2020 22:54

@Gutterton that description sounds just like my sister!

Astrid09 · 21/06/2020 04:22

@Ilovechinese you're not a very nice person op was GIVEN these clothes not loaned. She had NHS IVF which lots of women do. Also arent we in the middle of a small thing called the coronavirus pandemic where millions of people have got huge reductions in their income and countless others have lost their jobs. Next time you post think of how wrong you could be with your comments.!!

MinnieJackson · 21/06/2020 06:52

@Astrid09 RTFT! @Ilovechinese has apologised numerous times! The op has drip fed a little and Chinese agreed she was not BU. The clothes left have been taken back now and I for one will definitely check in future if people want things back! I've never heard of anything like it Confused I voted YANBU

wildone84 · 21/06/2020 08:20

There are some seriously evil bitches on this thread. Can't believe what I've read. OP please don't take all the nastiness on board.

You should not have to give back clothes that were gifted to you. If you gave wine and chocolates in return to say thank you, surely she should have noticed then, that something was amiss and clarified that she wanted them back.

I have never heard of anyone loaning baby clothes unless it was a christening gown.

You're not in the wrong and if she's going to fall out over 3rd hand baby clothes, she is not your friend.

Evasmummy2019 · 21/06/2020 10:03

She's now saying she didn't take the bag of baby clothes I left out the front of my house. And I said oh well that's not my problem I'm afraid. You asked me to put them out there and I did and then you changed your mind and demended I bring them to you. I'm just not going to reply. She hasn't even met my baby yet but comments on any photos on Facebook that my daughter is wearing a peice of clothing she gave me

OP posts:
TowelHoarder · 21/06/2020 10:06

Oh OP, block her number now, she’s more hassle than she’s worth and I don’t see how your relationship could recover from this.

MinnieJackson · 21/06/2020 10:10

Omg she obviously did get the clothes (or sent her mum to do it!) Ignore her now! She'll probably invoice you next!

KentuckyBlueberry · 21/06/2020 10:17

Ugh OP, so sorry. She sounds absolutely horrible. If I were you I would unfriend and block her (or at least put her on ‘restricted’ list so she can’t see any of your stuff).

Bloody cheek of it! She sounds like she’s got issues. She’s certainly not a friend.

Glad you managed to get the whole thing sorted out and have drawn a line under it – and she has shown her true colours. Her behaviour is appalling.

I would purge her from your life, treat yourself to something nice and enjoy the peace.

Minniee · 21/06/2020 10:24

If she replies again just say you're acting weird, don't contact me again

Then block her everywhere.

Evasmummy2019 · 21/06/2020 10:48

I've blocked her now and the friend. I kept the little bits I wanted to keep so I'm happy. And my neice is keeping her clothes I gave her. X thank you

OP posts:
KentuckyBlueberry · 21/06/2020 10:57

Well done OP! Flowers

Sparticuscaticus · 21/06/2020 12:19

@Evasmummy2019

She's now saying she didn't take the bag of baby clothes I left out the front of my house. And I said oh well that's not my problem I'm afraid. You asked me to put them out there and I did and then you changed your mind and demended I bring them to you. I'm just not going to reply. She hasn't even met my baby yet but comments on any photos on Facebook that my daughter is wearing a peice of clothing she gave me
Ugh she's an arse isn't she. Well done for dealing so clearly with her
Sparticuscaticus · 21/06/2020 12:24

@Evasmummy2019

I've blocked her now and the friend. I kept the little bits I wanted to keep so I'm happy. And my neice is keeping her clothes I gave her. X thank you
Result, as they were your DDs clothes anyway.

Everything she did was so not on, in a manner that wasn't ok. It'd have more understandable for her to ask if she could have any when you'd finished with them,, if she's found out she was unexpectedly pregnant - BUT not so she could play the big donor to her other friend! It wasn't hers to offer. Nor ok to hassle you.

Glad you have kept your DDs clothes that she needed/you wanted and your SIL has hers.

Cheeeeislifenow · 21/06/2020 13:01

Just rtft.
Your friend is a poisonous wench.
Some people on here are utter turds who like to nitpick and belittle whenever they see a tiny "hole"
Hope your okay op. Forget about them and move on.

Ilovechinese · 21/06/2020 13:22

@Astrid09 oh shit up like you know what I'm like as a person! As @MinnieJackson I have already apologised so will be ignoring you and anyone else from now on who keep trying to being it up! Try READING before you comment!

@Evasmummy2019 I bet she has took them and is just saying she hasn't to try to make you feel bad and like you should give her money or something. Even if she hasn't it's not your problem like you said. Just ignore the bitch from now on! And why comment everytime she sees a pic of your daughter wearing the clothes she gave you? Sounds like she is trying to make herself look good. I would have restricted her for that

Ilovechinese · 21/06/2020 13:23

shut up @Astrid09*

CrazyTimesAreOccurring · 21/06/2020 14:12

As if anyone would be bothered to steal a bag of baby clothes from your door step! They dont even bother when there are sacks full of clothes waiting to be collected from these "charity places" who say they will collect on Thursday.
You have acted spot on OP

cstaff · 21/06/2020 14:19

Well she really is showing her true colours now OP and you are completely right in blocking and ignoring the shite she spouts out of her mouth. Just remember that she is the one who started all this crapology. You have done nothing wrong here and if anyone questions you on this just keep repeating that to them. Fucking horrendous carry on from an alleged friend.

istheresomethingishouldknow · 21/06/2020 14:20

She sounds like an utter cow. You're well rid of her. She's not your friend.

chickadeedeedee · 21/06/2020 14:23

It's so sad that it has come to this, but you are better off out of it.

Hope that you are ok @Evasmummy2019

Starlightstarbright1 · 21/06/2020 17:04

what a bitch....

Glad you have blocked her.. focus on your little one and give her no thought.

Gutterton · 21/06/2020 18:12

She's now saying she didn't take the bag of baby clothes I left out the front of my house.

How does she know they are not still there? Did she come over to collect and there weren’t there - would she not have knocked on the door then?

Redred2429 · 21/06/2020 18:41

Well done op Just keep her blocked

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