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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Friend is asking for baby clothes back

856 replies

Evasmummy2019 · 16/06/2020 11:49

So back in August last year while I was 5 months pregnant, my childhood friend kindly gave me 2 big bags of her daughters baby clothes. Her baby is 1 year younger than my new arrival. So all season appropriate clothes for my new winter baby. Most of the clothes were good condition aland very pretty, some were stained or bobbly or faded. But I sorted through it and kept what I wanted. My daughter has enjoyed wearing her pretty clothes for which I am extremely grateful for. It saved us an awful lot of money. My friend gave us lots of newborn, 0 to 3 and 3 to 6 months. My daughter is a very chunky girl so was out of the 3 to 6 at around 4 months old. At which time I passed on the clothes that weren't too worn or stained (threw the rest away or cut up for rags) to my sister in law who was also pregnant and expecting a girl. To which she was very grateful for. It being lockdown and all.

But now my friends mum has messaged me asking for all of the baby clothes back. My friend is not pregnant nor can she have any more children. And before she gave me the clothes there was no mention of them being on loan. Or having them back when I was done.
I've messaged my friend to confirm this and she's said yes. She does want them back. And in the next week or so. I find this really upsetting.

I could get some of them back but my neice was only born in early May so is still in them and my brother and his young family have been struggling financially during the virus etc. I don't really want to have to tell them that they need to buy all new clothes for their daughter because I need the clothes back to give to my friend. I also don't want to fall out with my friend over baby clothes.
Amy advice. Am I being unreasonable to be upset that's she's asked me to give them back. Or is she being unreasonable to ask for them back.

OP posts:
TinySleepThief · 19/06/2020 12:24

Do you really need to start resorting to personal attacks? Just ignore the emails and find another thread to comment on.

Ilovechinese · 19/06/2020 12:27

So it's fine for people to attack me and call me unhinged? Whatever. Just stop fucking tagging me! Not really that difficult is it!

ClosedDoors · 19/06/2020 12:30

Taxi!

I think ilovechinese is drunk.

Shinebright72 · 19/06/2020 12:41

@Ilovechinese

So it's fine for people to attack me and call me unhinged? Whatever. Just stop fucking tagging me! Not really that difficult is it!
You are not obligated to respond to somebody. You can hide and unfollow a thread at any point. If you really don’t want to continue an argument on
annie9876 · 19/06/2020 12:42

I've personally passed on lots of clothes to newer mums that I know. I've always kept the items that are sentimental to me (first Xmas pjs, first baby grows etc) and would never dream of asking for anything I've handed over back.

It's assumed by me that anything I hand over is then that persons property to do with as they wish, in fact I alway make a point of saying anything you don't want get rid of.

It's really poor form of your "friend" to even ask for them back IMO

L0bstersLass · 19/06/2020 12:59

@Evasmummy2019

I have said further back that I'm getting together the bits I can. I'll leave them outside so my friend can collect them. The neutral bits I would have liked to keep is a grey stripy baby grow that my daughter was put in by my husband after she was born. And a little white pointy hat she used to wear the first few days. That's all. I'd like to have kept those because they are special to me and remind me of the happiness of having my new miracle baby. I'm not refusing to give anything back. But there's honestly not much left to give after everything
Definitely keep the baby grow and the hat. You'll truly regret giving those back.
Winterwoollies · 19/06/2020 13:01

@Idiidntstop sorry yeah, I have inadvertently pinched a bit of this thread and did a drip feed. I didn’t mean to do that. The cot thing is annoying but I don’t think I’ll be rushing to dismantle it. I can’t really lift things at the moment anyway, let alone easily bend down to unscrew things!

confusedbymyheritage · 19/06/2020 13:13

@ilovechinese

I agree with you. Massive double standard on Mumsnet, massive drip feed from the OP (first she can't afford baby clothes but then she's got embryos on ice so is planning to pay for another round of ivf hence wanting to keep the neutral bits, then a big huff about how her daughter will be her only child), and a massive disregard from the fact MN is a public forum and you can comment all you want (within the guidelines).

Gutterton · 19/06/2020 13:15

winterwoolies I think your contribution is important - it shows Eva that people can stoop even lower than her “friend” and it could have been worse if her friend asked for it all back in the first few days after birth.

Hope that you are OK. If I had a cot or baby clothes I would send them off to you in the post.

Gutterton · 19/06/2020 13:16

Ignore.

Ilovechinese · 19/06/2020 13:19

@confusedbymyheritage thank you someone gets it! Yes sick of all the bitchy double standards people on here! OP has said she is on benefits and in normal cases people would be telling her she shouldn't be having another child whilst on benefits (I dont agree with this just saying people normally do say that) but because she is infertile no one is allowed to say anything bad and as I said I didnt even mean it in a bad way I just wondered about how she could afford it.

Gulabjamoon · 19/06/2020 13:21

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn as the wrong poster was tagged.

Gulabjamoon · 19/06/2020 13:22

Sorry that was to ilovechinese not Idiidntstop

Gutterton · 19/06/2020 13:23

Don’t rise to them.

Gulabjamoon · 19/06/2020 13:23

ilovechinese it's none of your business how she can afford it. Maybe she needs the clothes money for something else. It's irrelevant and derailing.

Gutterton · 19/06/2020 13:29

I am loving the image of the little white pointy hat and striped suit - sounds gorgeous. I hope it holds all of those precious moments for you for ever.

Ilovechinese · 19/06/2020 13:29

@Gulabjamoon get real! As @confusedbymyheritage just said it's a public forum and I can comment how much I want and it might be none of my business but she mentioned it on a PUBLIC FORUM! So therefore inviting opinions and comments!

Ilovechinese · 19/06/2020 13:30

Oh and she has said she cant afford it, it's on the NHS!

Gulabjamoon · 19/06/2020 13:45

ilovechinese so if it’s on the NHS then why are you haranguing her for not being to afford clothes?!

Ilovechinese · 19/06/2020 13:57

@gulabjamoon if you read the thread you will see I put something like, "sorry if I am misunderstanding something but how are you able to afford IVF but not basic supermarket clothes?" Then she said back "not that its any of your business but I had IVF on the NHS" and since then people just keep tagging me and calling me unkind and things for asking when as I said it was just a thought that popped into my head like she must have money to afford IVF (before she said it was NHS) yeah maybe I shouldn't have asked but I did and u have already apologised for any offence caused.

Ilovechinese · 19/06/2020 13:58

I* have already apologised

PhilTheGroundhog · 19/06/2020 14:31

I want to know what happened at pick up.

@Winterwoollies your friend is a dick. I wish I could help!

Idiidntstop · 19/06/2020 14:48

Anyway, back to the thread. You know ... EvasMummy2019* the OP... and Winterwoollies* who also experienced similiar , whose story was relevant and helpful to EvasMummy as equally shocking

As Poor EvasMummy has been shoved off her own thread now for 3+ hours .... here's a
Quick summary:

EvasMummy was given clothes a year ago for her baby, friend now asked for clothes back even though they aren't hers anymore, because she wants to give Evas DD's clothes to someone else. Clothes still in use, were second hand and those clothes DD grew out of have been passed on.. Friend's mum sent first text. . Friend upset with Evasmummy although she accepted Thank-you gifts for giving her them a year ago.

Winterwoollieswas lent clothes and cot to her when Winter was pregnant to use for her baby who is now newborn 1 week old. Friend has just demanded the lot back after Winter washed /sorted/set up them and built nursery around it, before he's used them, to give instead to her sibling.

CecilyP · 19/06/2020 14:48

I’m glad you posted too, Winterwoolies. Gobsmacked to know there are people even worse than OPs friend. What kind of people would put that on you within a week of giving birth. I’m amazed you managed to get all the clothes together in the time, I’m sure I wouldn’t have. I would certainly be in no hurry to dismantle the cot!

RealLifeHotWaterBottle · 19/06/2020 14:49

Gosh, this thread really has been derailed by some narrow minded irrelevant comments hasnt it?

Hope your friend accepts her culpability and isn't giving you a hard time OP.