Friend is asking for baby clothes back

[Evasmummy2019]

So back in August last year while I was 5 months pregnant, my childhood friend kindly gave me 2 big bags of her daughters baby clothes. Her baby is 1 year younger than my new arrival. So all season appropriate clothes for my new winter baby. Most of the clothes were good condition aland very pretty, some were stained or bobbly or faded. But I sorted through it and kept what I wanted. My daughter has enjoyed wearing her pretty clothes for which I am extremely grateful for. It saved us an awful lot of money. My friend gave us lots of newborn, 0 to 3 and 3 to 6 months. My daughter is a very chunky girl so was out of the 3 to 6 at around 4 months old. At which time I passed on the clothes that weren't too worn or stained (threw the rest away or cut up for rags) to my sister in law who was also pregnant and expecting a girl. To which she was very grateful for. It being lockdown and all.

But now my friends mum has messaged me asking for all of the baby clothes back. My friend is not pregnant nor can she have any more children. And before she gave me the clothes there was no mention of them being on loan. Or having them back when I was done.
I've messaged my friend to confirm this and she's said yes. She does want them back. And in the next week or so. I find this really upsetting.

I could get some of them back but my neice was only born in early May so is still in them and my brother and his young family have been struggling financially during the virus etc. I don't really want to have to tell them that they need to buy all new clothes for their daughter because I need the clothes back to give to my friend. I also don't want to fall out with my friend over baby clothes.
Amy advice. Am I being unreasonable to be upset that's she's asked me to give them back. Or is she being unreasonable to ask for them back.

Yes that's what I said that her friend also has fertility problems and she doesn't seem that considerate towards her feelings and called her a selfish only child! Maybe her friend doesn't want her child to be a "selfish only child" so could be feeling upset she cant have any more children. Also ironic that she calls only children selfish and now she might have an only chikd herself. I can assure her it's not just only children who are selfish. I have siblings and one is very selfish!

Very strange request. Baby clothes are handed on as it is a shame to waste them if they can do another mum a “good turn”. You have used them and then done the same. All perfectly normal.
Perhaps she knows someone else who could benefit from them and thinks you may still have them as your baby has outgrown them.
In which case she could have asked in a different way.

@Ilovechinese

Yes that's what I said that her friend also has fertility problems and she doesn't seem that considerate towards her feelings and called her a selfish only child! Maybe her friend doesn't want her child to be a "selfish only child" so could be feeling upset she cant have any more children. Also ironic that she calls only children selfish and now she might have an only chikd herself. I can assure her it's not just only children who are selfish. I have siblings and one is very selfish!

OP is right though only children canbe selfish we allcan be like you are saying. However it does not make “only” children/people bad people but they do tend to have common characteristics about them obviously positives ones too I tend to find them very assertive people based on being friends with one also I have an only child myself.

I don’t think OP meant any disrespect by this.

Ignore op. My group of friends and I had plenty of money, but we still all shared baby clothes, and older clothes thru till about 8 years old or so when the kids started getting fussier about what they wear.

Why wouldn't you? Especially if money is a bit scarce. Ignore the other crack pot posters.

Sorry that I’m late to the thread. Took me nearly all day yesterday to RTFT!

I can’t believe the nastiness on here! Why are (some) people having such a go at the OP?
1 - She was GIVEN the clothes. Her (ex)friend admits that they were not loaned, but were given!
2 - (Ex)friend accepted a gift from the OP, which was for her gifting the OP these clothes!
3 - The OP has gifted these clothes on, in the same spirit she thought they had been gifted to her, she has not sold them!
5 - What is wrong with cutting up babygrows that are not fit to be gifted on? Surely far better to make use of them, for anything, rather than binning them?
4 - OP’s daughter is less than 6 months old and (ex)friend wants all clothes, including the 3-6 month old ones (that OP’s dd could still be wearing), now! NOT when OP’s dd has definitely grown out of them, but right NOW, i.e. possibly leaving OP’s dd with hardly any clothes during a pandemic, when it is harder to get out and buy clothes!

The OP has every right to do as she pleases with the clothes. She was given them, not loaned them! All the nastiness about the OP having IVF, not being rich enough to have a child etc., is bang out of order!

As for @Winterwoollies ”I've been lent some things by friends for my brand new baby. They made it clear they wanted them back so I made a list of what they'd given me. However, they've now asked for them back for their sibling who is about to have a baby.”

”Perfectly acceptable, I hear you cry, they said they wanted them back. The thing is, my baby is a week old. One week. Why lend them to me in the first place, the sibling was only a couple of weeks behind me in pregnancy?! I'd only just had a chance to wash them... Ain't nowt as queer as folk.”

You are correct, there is nowt as queer as folk! You wouldn’t have taken them if you were aware this could happen, plus you now have the problem of having to replace them at short notice, during a global pandemic! You could have probably sourced the items elsewhere, instead of now needing items urgently, when funds may be reduced and prices have shot up! I would be tempted to say no, that you were loaned them for your baby, and you will hand them back as your baby grows out of them. If they insist they want them back now, say that you will need to charge for laundry services and storage costs!

@Tootsie321 it is odd, isn’t it? I’ve just bagged everything up and will hand the lot back. I’ve managed to get some extra sleep suits and things online, which will hopefully arrive soon.

It’s a shame though, I suspect it will affect our friendship a bit.

They also lent us a cot, which they want back. My baby is still in a Moses basket, being a week old, so was quite a few months off using it. I’d built it in our nursery so will have to dismantle it!

I can only assume the sibling has kicked off or my friends made a promise to them that was hard to keep as they’d lent some bits to me. I didn’t ask for these bits by the way, they were (seemingly) very kind and insistent on helping.

She should definitely understand that you can’t give them and remember blood runs thicker then water so is it worth upsetting your family about it?
Maybe pop round with a bunch of flowers and just explain that you’re not able to get them back yet but you will be able to once your niece has outgrown them.

*Ignore op. My group of friends and I had plenty of money, but we still all shared baby clothes, and older clothes thru till about 8 years old or so when the kids started getting fussier about what they wear.

Why wouldn't you? Especially if money is a bit scarce. Ignore the other crack pot posters.*

Agree nothing to do with money - more to do with values and priorities. All of my DCs are at public schools the second hand uniform shop is a bun fight, runs all year - and the kids on the sports field with the most faded, ragged shirts are often the most wealthy.

winterwoolies that’s absolutely shocking behaviour - I am so sorry this is happening to you in the first few days of being a mother. I really hope that you are able to delegate the bagging up, dismantling and dropping off - and swat this disruptive episode away sharply and swiftly so that it doesn’t invade and pollute another moment of these precious, finite, early days.

I would ask a mutual friend (one she admires!) to drop everything back - sunlight is the best disinfectant!

@Ilovechinese wow you really are like a dog with a bone. What the hell is wrong with you? Do some bloody research. Educate yourself before commenting on my situation

@Gutterton I wondered if I was just sleep-deprived and a bit sensitive but it’s good to know others think they are being a bit odd. It’s just quite rubbish timing. While shops are reopening, I must admit to not being that inclined to go shopping!

I put the cot up while v. pregnant so it should be a little bit easier to take it down while sore but recovering.

Nevermind. I’ll chalk it all up to experience!

@evasmummy2019 educate myself in what exactly? As I said proole keep @ me which is why i keep commenting. What the hell is wrong with you to keep @ me? I said what I said! If you dont like it stop @ me! I really dont give a s* what you think. I dont know why you are getting so offended by what I said when u have already explained numerous times I didn't mean anything by it!

I*

@Evasmummy2019 also a little bit if friendly advise, if you dont wish for people to comment in your situation then dont come onto a PUBLIC forum and discuss your situation!

Evasmummy2019 also a little bit of friendly advise, if you dont wish for people to comment on your situation then dont come onto a PUBLIC forum and discuss your situation!

@Winterwoollies

It gets worse

I really don't know how I'd deal with this, you've packed up clothes to hand back.

The cot you now have to dismantle is shocking. You had a new baby, she loaned it to you for your baby to use, he's not finished with it. You've built your nursery around it in good faith. Of course pass it back when he doesn't need his bed that he'll need in about 3 weeks time.

I would so want to say, 'sure if we get given a replacement & can arrange someone
to dismantle it but It's lockdown and not possible right now - no decent person would attempt to take a bed from a new baby that needs it. You're behaving in a horrid way for a so called friend. Using me to launder, sort and store clothes & baby items for you during my maternity leave on a lie. I've bagged up the clothes and will offer to return cot when he no longer needs it. I can cost up my laundry service time, storage, fixing it etc otherwise, which you might find make this about quits for the cost of a secondhand cot'

And I'd want to put his Moses basket into the cot during nap times.

I'm not sure that'd be the right thing to do, but I'd be hopping mad.

Ilovechinese Give it a rest
You are coming across badly, haranguing OP like this.
Please hide the thread so you're not tempted to keep digging yourself in a hole.
You went too far, you got called up in it, leave it be. It's far healthier than making it worse trying to have the last but wrong word. Please make a cup of tea and enjoy some fresh air. You'll feel better

@Idiidntstop don't tell me what to do! I keep getting emails saying I've been mentioned in a post! It's a public forum and I can comment if I want especially when people keep bringing my name into it and besides I've seen a few people say similar but worse things than I have since!

Oh and I dont need fresh air and I feel fine! Seems it's the OP whi needs a cup of tea and fresh air

@Winterwoollies - only do what you want to do. Prioritise you and your baby and your bonding time. If you have done the clothes that’s fine - the cot can wait until you have someone to do it for you - they don’t need it now.

Also if someone is so socially inept to pull a stunt like this - they really aren’t worth your headspace and breath explaining - because they won’t understand- because they are socially inept.

Ilovechinese*
Sigh
if you keep this up, you'll distress yourself too

Yes, people can RTFT and see you weren't the only one, but you are the one haranguing now. Making it worse. Making yourself disliked. Leave OP alone. Some nastiness isn't needed.

Was trying to talk to you adult to adult but you're insisting on what reads as a tantrum. Suggested it's better you walk away with some dignity left rather than lose the rest of it. I wonder if coronavirus lockdown is getting to you, it can amplify everything.

It's weird. I give my kids clothes to a friend all the time. I'd never expect them back. I'd expect she'd pass them on to other people or give to the charity shops.
You are managing the best you can with this person who is tricky to deal with. I suspect she is one of those people who needs to please others, and someone else she aspires to be like who suddenly became higher up in her 'need to latch on and get approval from' hierarchy.
You can also take photographs of the outfits that you want to remember. That's a good way to keep memories of them (as well as keeping the bits you want).
You could even make a photo collage later of all the little clothes you liked her in.

@Idiidntstop then ffs you and others should just stop tagging me!