Friend is asking for baby clothes back

[Evasmummy2019]

So back in August last year while I was 5 months pregnant, my childhood friend kindly gave me 2 big bags of her daughters baby clothes. Her baby is 1 year younger than my new arrival. So all season appropriate clothes for my new winter baby. Most of the clothes were good condition aland very pretty, some were stained or bobbly or faded. But I sorted through it and kept what I wanted. My daughter has enjoyed wearing her pretty clothes for which I am extremely grateful for. It saved us an awful lot of money. My friend gave us lots of newborn, 0 to 3 and 3 to 6 months. My daughter is a very chunky girl so was out of the 3 to 6 at around 4 months old. At which time I passed on the clothes that weren't too worn or stained (threw the rest away or cut up for rags) to my sister in law who was also pregnant and expecting a girl. To which she was very grateful for. It being lockdown and all.

But now my friends mum has messaged me asking for all of the baby clothes back. My friend is not pregnant nor can she have any more children. And before she gave me the clothes there was no mention of them being on loan. Or having them back when I was done.
I've messaged my friend to confirm this and she's said yes. She does want them back. And in the next week or so. I find this really upsetting.

I could get some of them back but my neice was only born in early May so is still in them and my brother and his young family have been struggling financially during the virus etc. I don't really want to have to tell them that they need to buy all new clothes for their daughter because I need the clothes back to give to my friend. I also don't want to fall out with my friend over baby clothes.
Amy advice. Am I being unreasonable to be upset that's she's asked me to give them back. Or is she being unreasonable to ask for them back.

It's alright..she has been with you through some hard times and she loves you. Just explain you passed it to your sister and you will get it back for your friend once your niece outgrows them. She has no urgency for those clothes hopefully, so she shouldn't mind waiting. She will understand. God bless!

AnnVar, have you actually read what the OP has told us about communications with her friend?

Yes there’s a lot of irrelevant judgemental off topic stuff going on here OP. This was a thread about baby-grows and bibs and now your v personal vulnerability around IVF and the financial stress this ensures are being attacked. You don’t have to absorb any of that malicious content. Emotionally protect yourself.

Absolutely agree with you @Gutterton

@IntermittentParps
Really? I made an observation in a fairly gentle way. And you are calling people laughable and despicable?
Perhaps you need to reflect on your own approach to people you don’t agree with.

Yes, Meerkat, really. Saying 'I’m going to be gentle about this' doesn't make what you said next OK; it's like when people say 'No offence' before or after saying something patently offensive.

The OP is finding finances particularly hard at the moment because she's currently on UC, where (I quote) 'normally we are all working and doing OK.'

If the OP puts information in the public domain - on a forum for comment, no less - I am entitled to comment on it. I wasn’t rude and certainly didn’t descend to petty insults because I couldn’t be bothered to engage in a respectful conversation. I think most people would show concern given what the OP has said - and she was clearly pregnant/expecting a child pre Covid circumstances.

I think honesty is the best policy just explain what you've done and that they're being used well

The weirdest part of this whole thread is that a grown woman got her Mum to text you instead of doing it herself. WTF.

Your friend sounds nuts and you've done absolutely nothing wrong. Enjoy your little girl.

Has she promised them somebody else? It's strange her mum is involved? I would just say, sorry I was feeling efficient during lockdown and donated them to a clothing bank. It didn't occur to me you would want them back...

I'd be backing away from this friend, she sounds as if she's a little busy body like, wants to be seen to be generous and kind but is actually anything but, give her the clothes back and stop texting to see if she's ok! She's not upset because you've given the clothes away she's embarrassed because she's already proudly promised them to someone else (who doesn't even know if her baby is a girl yet??) Don't accept anything from her again, not even gifts at Christmas/birthdays etc.

And you're not a shit mum at all, hope today goes ok

she was clearly pregnant/expecting a child pre Covid circumstances.
You what?
Yes. When she was working.

Bloody hell. I wouldn't have assumed they weren't wanted back nor would I have cut any up, but that doesn't mean it's fair game to go at the OP on all and sundry like some people are doing.

I'd hide the thread if I were you OP and not even look at it again.

What’s the issue with cutting up some poo/carrot/vomit/milk stained vests as opposed to throwing then in the bin?

OP should be applauded for her green efforts.

Surely PPs aren’t suggesting that the poo/carrot/vomit/milk stained vests should be forwarded on to that poor pregnant woman with 5 boys expecting No6?

I have never received poo/carrot/vomit/milk stained baby clothes and am delighted that someone was kind enough to filter those out - and would be pleased to know that after their human use they were still being used to save the planet.

shes mad -she cant gift clothes to someone else that she dosnt own anymore and getting her mum involved aswell
batshit

Op do not even respond to the rude posts on here .
Totally out of order to even comment on the ops finances , I'd be embarrassed for some of the comments on here hope it makes you feel better about yourself.
Bringing up children is expensive so most are grateful to donated clothes .
The op is right babies vomit , poo and get food down clothes so many get ruined .
I remember having a load of white baby gros not sure what I was thinking course they had to be binned eventually.
Peoples financial situations change , I'm about to be made redundant in a very financially stable industry pre Covid.

Sorry OP but clothes debate aside you just seem generally quite unpleasant and keep moving the goal post to fit your own narrative.

You repeatedly call your supposedly very good long term friend selfish, and insult her, whist also perpetuating harmful only child stereotypes.

You do what a lot of posters on MN do which is post asking a question and then become indignant and call people horrible when they don't give you the answer you want or agree with you. As another poster has pointed out there is a range of opinions on this yet you seem to only be after anyone who agrees with you.

First you said all the clothes had gone to your niece, then you said you'd kept a few sentimental bits (understandable), then you'd kept a few bits in case you have another child - as another poster put it you're being very economical with the truth.

You mentioned in passing that you're friend can't have anymore children (which can be a very tough thing to deal with) yet repeatedly say you've got a lot going on right now to garner sympathy whilst having none for your friend.

First you say you're keeping back neutral bits for if you have another child then you say 'She's probably the only child ill ever have' - changing the goal posts to fit your narrative and yet again loading it with emotion.

Clothes issue aside you don't actually seem to like you're friend very much, maybe she didn't act perfectly here but I don't think you did either, no one has covered themselves in glory. For someone you have known for years you were unable for a long time to just pick up the phone and talk to her and you just seem unpleasant and bitchy. If you're distancing yourself I think your 'friend' is well rid of you.

@confusedbymyheritage little bit much, unnecessarily mean post

Confusedbymyheritage

I agree with PP. That's a terrible series of comments you made, entirely twisting what OP said.

She is a good friend.

Her friend IBU and a bit of a bully demanding return of somethings she gave to OP a year ago, as a gift that she got a Thankyou gift for.

No one normal demands baby clothes back UNLESS they said "I'll loan you these but I need them back afterwards", which she didn't. ( In which case most people wouldn't have accepted them with anxiety causing strings- what if baby gets them messy and stained? I wouldn't have wanted the extra worry to ruin my enjoyment of my new baby)

It never fails to astonish me hoe the nasty comes out of the woodwork in some MN posters. This might be an anonymous board but you ought take a look at yourself for exactly the flaws you erroneously claim OP has. No kindness in your post at all.

Jesus she's crazy, who in their right mind would want a load of girlie clothes taking up space for potentially no reason? when they have only just found out their pregnant? And by sounds of it will be having another boy anyways?

Lockdown has made people crazy I think.

Don't listen to the weird mean folk in the thread, you were gifted the clothes, she even admitted herself they were not a loan, they are yours to do whatever you want with.

And no offense, most newborn baby clothes are not fit for second use, let alone a third child, did she really expect much to actually be salvageable?

OP you sound lovely and you've done nothing wrong. I hope your friend apologises to you.

@Z0rr0 you are being unreasonable.

@Ilovechinese you are being unkind.

@Evasmummy2019

I had to comment as I cannot believe some of the posts on this thread.

You asked a simple question about whether it was reasonable to be annoyed that your friend got her mother to demand you give clothes that were gifted to you back immediately, when you essentially havent finished using them. The reason they want to do this is so they can gift these to someone else.

Yes indeed that is unreasonable and strange behaviour, and you are right to be annoyed about it. They appear to like the glory and power of giving, and no doubt they will want them back from her other friend if someone else they know gets pregnant. Your friend clearly knows she is being unreasonable which is why she is ignoring your calls and messages, and why she went though he mother. She seems like hard work.

For some reason a lot of people on his thread have questioned you about using second hand clothes, about having IVF, about cutting up worn out baby grows THAT YOU OWN, for reciting perfectly good baby clothes to a relative... and the list continues. These things have literally nothing to do with the question you asked and a personal, rude, and unfair.

You have received some really supportive and positive advice from some posters here, please listen to that and disregard the idiots on here that only want to put others down. There is no need for your whole character to be called into question for being annoyed about being treated unfairly.

FWIW - not that it is relevant whatsoever, but I had A LOT of hand me down clothes for both my children. I was lucky to be surrounded by friends that were able to help me. I was not an unfit mother or too poor to buy my own clothes, but this way is much nicer, less wasteful, and is part of a cycle that people all over the world take part in. I have regifted all of my clothes to various people over the years, and adore seeing people wear the clothes my children did, as much as the people that saw mine wearing their clothes did. It's a wonderful thing to be part of, and I feel sorry for those that are too snooty and insecure to give their children anything but brand new clothes. They are hardly worn by babies and there is a planet to look after here.

You did nothing wrong by giving the clothes to your brother, and it is understandable that you dont want to put them in the awkward and stressful position that you have been put in, of having to sort through all the clothes you have to work out where they all came from.

Please dont answer to the people on here that are unkind and looking for drama. This board should never have lasted for 26 pages. You do not need to explain yourself to them.

Take care and I hope you focus your energy on more positive friends that support you in future, and perhaps take a little step back from this one.

*regifting, not reciting

OP you have done absolutely nothing wrong. When people give you things and make no reference to giving them back, they are yours to do with as you please.
I genuinely have no idea why she wants clothes back that have been used by 2 babies, they will be like rags