Friend is asking for baby clothes back

[Evasmummy2019]

So back in August last year while I was 5 months pregnant, my childhood friend kindly gave me 2 big bags of her daughters baby clothes. Her baby is 1 year younger than my new arrival. So all season appropriate clothes for my new winter baby. Most of the clothes were good condition aland very pretty, some were stained or bobbly or faded. But I sorted through it and kept what I wanted. My daughter has enjoyed wearing her pretty clothes for which I am extremely grateful for. It saved us an awful lot of money. My friend gave us lots of newborn, 0 to 3 and 3 to 6 months. My daughter is a very chunky girl so was out of the 3 to 6 at around 4 months old. At which time I passed on the clothes that weren't too worn or stained (threw the rest away or cut up for rags) to my sister in law who was also pregnant and expecting a girl. To which she was very grateful for. It being lockdown and all.

But now my friends mum has messaged me asking for all of the baby clothes back. My friend is not pregnant nor can she have any more children. And before she gave me the clothes there was no mention of them being on loan. Or having them back when I was done.
I've messaged my friend to confirm this and she's said yes. She does want them back. And in the next week or so. I find this really upsetting.

I could get some of them back but my neice was only born in early May so is still in them and my brother and his young family have been struggling financially during the virus etc. I don't really want to have to tell them that they need to buy all new clothes for their daughter because I need the clothes back to give to my friend. I also don't want to fall out with my friend over baby clothes.
Amy advice. Am I being unreasonable to be upset that's she's asked me to give them back. Or is she being unreasonable to ask for them back.

@DomDoesWotHeWants I really dont see how it is rude when the woman comes on here saying her friend wants her old baby clothes back but she wants to keep them aa she has embryos on ice. The first thing I thought was surely if she is well off enough to afford IVF she can afford baby clothes especially when you can get them quite cheap. I am not well off at all but can afford to feed and clothe all my children. I'm not saying there is anything wrong with second hand but if her friend has asked for the clothes back why doesn't she just give them and buy new if/when she gets pregnant?

It seems unreasonable for her to ask for them back, most people would keep any special clothes for memories and the rest would be passed on to a friend or charity shop. If she wanted money why didnt she sell them instead of passing on? When I pass clothes on I always say to people to keep what they want but if they don't want some things then I won't be offended and to just take to a charity shop, I wouldn't expect them back! I do think that emotions are heightend at the moment so try to avoid an argument and apologise and say that you misunderstood and didn't realise she would want them back and have now passed some on or donated them to charity (she doesn't need to know you've cut the stained ones up!). You feel really bad but theres nothing you can do now.

I'm with you @crispysausagerolls. Very odd behaviour to rip up clothes and give them away without asking. It doesn't matter that these bits are now special to you. They're hers, just give back what you have now and get the rest from your brother when his LO is finished with them. He's your brother, you can say these things to family.

If you're lucky enough to have another baby in the future you will most likely be gifted other bits.

These threads pop up every so often. There never is a consensus.

@DisobedientHamster yes because she unexpectedly got pregnant again. If I no longer had it then it wouldn’t have been an issue but this is hundreds of pounds worth of stuff that she gave me for free, I wouldn’t have dreamed of giving it away without mentioning it to her first

I think it's weird she wants them back after she already told you she had held onto the special ones.

Not quite the same but my friend dropped clothes to my parents' house when she heard I was having a girl. Two huge bags full of gorgeous designer clothes. She said she had hung onto them just in case I got pregnant. I was thrilled. This friend now lives in another country.

I'm not allowed forward gift the clothes as she wants some of them back. She hasn't got time to go through them on facetime. I'm not allowed drop them to her mum's house. She will want them back 'at some stage'.

They haven't fitted in two years. I've moved house twice. I have very little storage. It is so annoying.

I would tell her the truth. "I'm really sorry but I've passed on the baby clothes, to someone who is struggling financially." See what she says. Perhaps she's seen you comment on your friends post, and realised that her baby's wearing her gifted clothes. If so, does she assume that you've sold them?

@Isthisnothing you aren't allowed to drop them at her mum's s house?? Why are you enabling her to use you as a storage facility? She picks them up somehow, or you drop them. Her choice!!

Do not offer her money or replacements. If the clothes were on loan she should have been clear about that.

I would just tell the truth. That some of the clothes weren't in a fit state to be passed on, and what was went to your niece. I would see if she wants them back though. I know it's put you in an awkward situation but I don't see what else you can do.

I expect she either wants to sell them or give them away again.

So she's rang me back and said her friend has just discovered she's pregnant again and she would like them back incase she has a girl. She already has 5 boys. I have explained to her the situation and she seems upset. Even though she agreed it wasn't a loan at the time . But she said can I round up what's left and give them back ASAP. I'm not going to be asking my brother and sister in law for my neices clothes back as she's only 5 weeks old and is still in them. My brother is struggling at the moment. I'll find what I can here and she can collect them whenever she wants. This has taught me never to accept a gift as a gift again

And some people in here really are awful

So she is trying to help another friend by stressing you out over a few baby rags clothes.
Lesson learnt OP take nothing without clarifying they are for keeps.
What a waste of your day causing you this stress.

If she's just found out she's pregnant again then why the ASAP?

Now you've told her there are bits left you'll have to give them back for the sake of peace. But I'd be giving this person a bit of a swerve in future.

I'm not allowed forward gift the clothes as she wants some of them back. She hasn't got time to go through them on facetime. I'm not allowed drop them to her mum's house. She will want them back 'at some stage'

Howay man lass. Tell her you can't store these clothes anymore as no room and they'll have to be passed on if you don't hear instructions on when you can drop them at her mother's ASAP. Get the bugger told.

I thought that was what had happened. You need to keep it in perspective. She has offered something that she no longer has. I doubt if friend has a girl she will be upset and will be inundated with clothes anyway after 5 boys. Least said soonest mended I reckon.

I don’t think people on here have been awful at all.

I am sure I will get piled on for this but it sounds like a lot of people in your social circle are having children without being able to afford to see to their basic needs eg clothing them.

Jesus, @crispysausagerolls that’s a hell of an assumption to make. Or perhaps they’re just attempting to recycle clothes, like most people do?!

I wouldn't accept anything from her again, more trouble than it's worth.

@crispysausagerolls

What bollocks. I took everything 2nd hand I could if it was in good condition. I can assure you funds were no issue. Baby clothes can barely get worn - it makes perfect sense to pass them on regardless of finances.

I’ve passed on mine (for free) happily and I’m glad they’re getting well used.

I'd point out to her that her friend is 9 months away from potentially having a girl. She could find out in a few weeks that she isn't even having a girl. Why the rush?

By the time 9 months are up, your brothers child will be in bigger clothes and you could have passed them on by then to her. She has to wait 6 months ish for clothes, that's it. She has no baby to dress yet anyway. Why have the clothes taking up space for that long?

I have explained to her the situation and she seems upset. Even though she agreed it wasn't a loan at the time.
She's being really weird.

OP has specifically said her brother is struggling so she can’t get clothes back. And wants to keep some for herself as opposed to having to buy some.

I wouldn’t give her anything back. The replies on here are weird and your friend is weird. You did nothing wrong op.

She doesn't need them back ASAP. I would say that you don't feel comfortable asking for them back as the baby using them is only 5 weeks old and you'll get what you can back when the baby grows out of them.

@crispysausagerolls

In case you haven't noticed there's a pandemic at the moment and people are struggling the world over. He could be self employed or made redundant or you know, he could just be in a tight spot for a thousand reasons that frankly, are none of your business.