Friend is asking for baby clothes back

[Evasmummy2019]

So back in August last year while I was 5 months pregnant, my childhood friend kindly gave me 2 big bags of her daughters baby clothes. Her baby is 1 year younger than my new arrival. So all season appropriate clothes for my new winter baby. Most of the clothes were good condition aland very pretty, some were stained or bobbly or faded. But I sorted through it and kept what I wanted. My daughter has enjoyed wearing her pretty clothes for which I am extremely grateful for. It saved us an awful lot of money. My friend gave us lots of newborn, 0 to 3 and 3 to 6 months. My daughter is a very chunky girl so was out of the 3 to 6 at around 4 months old. At which time I passed on the clothes that weren't too worn or stained (threw the rest away or cut up for rags) to my sister in law who was also pregnant and expecting a girl. To which she was very grateful for. It being lockdown and all.

But now my friends mum has messaged me asking for all of the baby clothes back. My friend is not pregnant nor can she have any more children. And before she gave me the clothes there was no mention of them being on loan. Or having them back when I was done.
I've messaged my friend to confirm this and she's said yes. She does want them back. And in the next week or so. I find this really upsetting.

I could get some of them back but my neice was only born in early May so is still in them and my brother and his young family have been struggling financially during the virus etc. I don't really want to have to tell them that they need to buy all new clothes for their daughter because I need the clothes back to give to my friend. I also don't want to fall out with my friend over baby clothes.
Amy advice. Am I being unreasonable to be upset that's she's asked me to give them back. Or is she being unreasonable to ask for them back.

Just to add, if I wasn’t having another I would have given all her stuff back and sold/charity shopped my own. Never would have given away her stuff without mentioning it

@Ilovechinese

Sorry if I'm misunderstanding something but how can you afford IVF but not new baby clothes that you can get cheaply from Asda, Primark, Tesco and other places?

How spectacularly rude.

Good grief.

Just rip the plaster off and phone her, don't text.

Honestly, if one of my friends was this afraid to talk to me about something I would be absolutely gutted. If she has known you for a long time I doubt she is going to call off the friendship and start a full war over baby clothes.

The bigger deal you make of it, the bigger deal it will become.

Her mums probably promised the clothes to somebody and your friend probably won't even be that arsed.

This would be my response:

"Ah shit sorry, gave them away. Why didn't you tell me you wanted them back?! 😱"

She is being unreasonable, not you. I'd simply tell her you gave them to someone else in need as had no idea she would want them back. She didn't make it clear she would want them back so its tough.

@Shinygreenelephant

I do think you should have asked before giving them away. My best friend gave me lots of beautiful clothes when I had DD2, she said she was never having another one and wouldn’t want them back. I kept everything as were TTC number 3, she’s now pregnant with another girl and asked for it all back. I gave her it along with all the other clothes I bought for DD, apart from any special bits and she knows I will want it all back again when I get pregnant. Other than vests and sleepsuits which mostly just get worn out and binned, there’s no reason clothes can’t be reused again and again. A lot of it is expensive outfits that have been worn once by her dd and once by mine, and will happily survive being worn by 2 more babies! One dress that she loved got ruined when I washed it with a blue sock, she asked I told her and we laughed about it, not an issue whatsoever 🤷🏻‍♀️

She gave you stuff, told you she wouldn't want them back and then asked for them back?

I had no idea there are so many people who see all gifts as loans, expect the recipient (to whom they gave the items with no expression that it's a loan at the time of giving it so the recipient can politely decline as they don't want the burden of keeping borrowed items in good condition when used on a baby) to keep track of said items and maintain them and then return them when told.

Glad I don't know any, tbh.

Just tell her most of it has gone but you can give her what you still have back asap. Some stuff will be given back to her later because your neice has them. Apologies for the confusion. Job done. If she gets upset then just say you're really sorry but it never occured to you she'd what them back and she didnt say

Surely it wont be the end of your friendship. Worse case she's lost some 0 to 6 months baby clothes (sentimental value yes but she has all the other 6months + clothes!).
I'm curious why she wants them back and why her mum asked you!!

Maybe she has realised that they are sentimental for some reason unknown to you. She probably knows that you are unlikely to have kept all of them so is hoping that maybe you have just some of them? Personally I couldn't give my babies clothes away but that's just me

I had this with my SIL on a couple of occasions. She gave me some wooden blocks on a trolley and a cot and then asked for them back after a couple of years. I always refused her offers of stuff after that as she never said at the time it was a lend.

wilko how do you have room to store all your baby’s clothes?!

I haven't RTFT, so apologies if this has been covered already, but has she (or her mum) said WHY they suddenly want the clothes back?

Lol badly- they are everywhere. We have a little girl too and I couldn't part with her clothes either

Sorry I've not been om sin e earlier. I've been busy with my daughter and mum. Just to say thank you for all your advice God and bad lol. I've noticed it's one or the other on mn. I haven't actually caught up yet. I've messaged her mum back and just explained that I'm sorry I didn't realise it was a loan. what I've done with the clothes and that there's not actually that many left and that someone else is using them. I've also tried ringing my friend directly but no answer. I haven't got a reply yet.

I also gave loads and didn't have any expectations of the items back. I gave my struggling ndn loads stuff I could have sold but she worked hard and didn't have much so it was given with no expectations.

May be she has offered them to someone else?

Op ring your nieces parents and ask for the clothes back after they have finished with them. Ring your friend and tell her this

Good luck op.
I hope she understands, it’s just clothing after all and she really should have specified if they were a loan or not when she first gave them to you.

IMO you’ve done nothing wrong, unless you are lending something to someone you can’t realistically expect to receive a gift back after it’s been finished with, it’s ownership has changed hands, end of.

@AJPTaylor

May be she has offered them to someone else?

Then more fool her for thinking she can give away something that someone else owns.

YANBU OP. Be honest and just say you have passed them on. I did the same with stuff i had been given, never expected to be asked for them back.

I generally don’t gift things to others if I want it back. They rarely come back in the same condition. This all sounds a bit odd. I have given baby items away, and not for one minute did I ever expect them to be returned.

Daily fail?

Nearly 400 messages @Evasmummy2019 - and THAT is the one you reply to?!