My mum advised me to never get married or have kids

[Lowlandsea]

Throughout my life my Mum has advised me to never marry or have kids.
If I want an easy life then not to bother. Having kids isn't what it's cracked up to be. My life will be over, it's constant stress, I won't get any time to myself and it's expensive.
I have always liked the idea of having kids but because of her advice, I've always had that at the back of mind. I've always trusted her judgment, is she just looking out for me? She knows me well, we're very close, is she trying to stop me making a mistake?

She isn’t wrong- of course not having children or a husband means a easier life, because you don’t have any responsibility towards anyone.

Even though children and partner does equal a less easier life, it’s still a good life in its own right, otherwise loads of people wouldn’t do it.

I really think it depends on the person. I'm childfree and due to a very long list of reasons, I know having children would make me utterly miserable. But there are other people out there who will absolutely treasure the experience.

I don't think it's fair for someone to tell you that you definitely should or shouldn't have children. As someone who is childfree, my inner rage is unleashed when people insist that I need to have children or I'll be a miserable spinster.

That being said, I think it's important to be honest about how hard motherhood is. It involves an incredible amount of sacrifice and literally changes your life (some would say for the better, others not so). There are people who will try and sweep the hardships under the rug. I've heard comments before such as 'Nothing matters except the love that you feel' and 'You'll never regret having a child', but that simply isn't true.

As a society, I wish we would be more open about the difficulties of raising children, rather than shaming mothers who admit they're unhappy. Women deserve to hear the full story before making their choice.

Op, do what feels right to you as an individual. You are an adult and a woman with your own mind. Your mother should not be giving you this kind of advice. Being married isn't for everyone but if you find someone decent and you love each other, then why not? Also, having children is the most wonderful thing ever and it is your right to decide if you want to have them. I'm married with one son who is at university and he was an absolute joy to bring up. He's caring, driven, hard working, loving and kind because that's how he was brought up.

If I were you I'd tell my mother "thanks for your advice mum but I'll make my own life choices". Yes, you are close but she has no right to voice such harsh opinions, especially to her own daughter.

Good luck to you x

Dear Lowlandsea

It is for you to decide what you do with your life not your mother. Some people find having children to be the most rewarding experience of their lives. Others do not. You have to make up your own mind.

We wonder about the relationship you have with your mother. Do you think she is trying to stop you making a mistake or is she frightened of losing the close relationship with her daughter? And if your relationship is so close why would she say that having children isn't what its cracked up to be?

The decision you are making is momentus and it has to be made by you (and your partner together if you have one). Wishing you well in the future.