To expect partner to drive

[Londonermummy]

I’ve been with my partner for 6 years, we have 1 child together who is nearly 2 years old.
His driving (or lack of) is really causing a lot of arguments between us lately to the point where our relationship is being affected.
When I first met my partner I was surprised but not overly concerned to find out he couldn’t drive and had no licence. When I asked him about it he always said that because he had always lived in city’s he didn’t ever feel the need to learn to drive.

After discussing it he agreed that it was about time he learnt and so applied for a provisional licence.
Since getting his provisional licence 6 years ago he has not booked 1 lesson.
There was always one excuse after another for why he couldn’t learn( he was out of work for a couple of years so couldn’t afford it and now with his new job he says he has no time, and now the coronavirus has obviously given him another reason to delay learning).

Its very frustrating being the only driver as I’m a nervous driver as it is as I tend to make a lot of careless mistakes when driving (possibly because of my bad eyesight).

My partner is constantly pressuring me to drive in situations where we need it, he even tried to pressure me to drive a van (which I definitely wasn’t comfortable with) because he wanted to move some heavy stuff across town.

It’s very frustrating that it feels he has no interest in learning to drive but at the same time pressures me to drive. I think part of the problem was growing up his mother did everything for him and was basically a taxi service for him. I think she liked that he didn’t drive when he lived at home because it made him rely on her (which she loves)

A lot of the time it feel as though I’m in a relationship with a child not a man (for many other reasons as well which I won’t go into) and the lack of driving has become more of a problem since having a child.

I hate being the only one that can drive and have to do all the driving for things such as trips etc.

The fact that he won’t even agree a timescale as to when he plans to learn etc, he just says the same excuse that he’s too busy with work to learn to drive at the moment (but yet he has time for his hobbies on the weekend)

Not sure what to do in this situation. Is it ott to consider breaking up over this? AIBU?

Thanks

I personally find men who can’t drive a complete turn off....not sure why!

Because capable men who can get stuff done are sexy.

I find it really unattractive when a man can't drive too.

I agree @Sheba :)

I think some (touchy) people are presenting this as a dichotomy "Well would you rather have a kind, clever, millionaire partner or one that can drive!?!" ummm.... I'll have one that does/is both please... No need to choose.

@unicornparty

I find it really unattractive when a man can't drive too.

There's a difference between can't and won't.

Can't - medical/mental/physical issue

Won't - environmentalist/laziness/lives in central London so doesn't need a car etc.

My partner has a license but doesn't have a car

Hi op

Firstly you sound unsafe on the roads yourself.You must address this asap before you cause an injury to others or yourself.consider advanced lessons and ensuring your eyesight meets the required standard.failing to take these measures is dangerous.
If you cannot or don't want to then surrender your licence and rely on public transport .
You cannot make someone do something they don't want to.ask him if he is going to take lessons,no lies or putting it off,a straight yes or no so you know where you stand.
But please do not drive until you have dealt with your own issues.

Not sure you should even be driving with bad eyesight if you're glasses aren't working get new ones. Not everyone wants to learn to drive, I don't and I wouldn't let my partner bully me into learning. Not sure why MN seem to think everyone must drive to be a capable adult. People in RL definitely don't feel that way.

It's scary that you don't seem to think you shouldn't be driving at all.

I don't think people who don't drive are not a capable adult I just think they are not necessarily my kind of people. Horses for courses! We all have our things that give us the ick as they call it!

I find it really unattractive when a man can't drive too.

I find it really unattractive when someone doesn't give a shit about potentially hurting other people by driving dangerously knowingly on a regular basis. With a kid in the car. Selfishness doesn't do it for me.

Perhaps OP takes the Dominic Cummings line and drives to test her eyesight.

I don't think people who don't drive are not a capable adult I just think they are not necessarily my kind of people

I presume you're excluding people who can't drive for medical reasons / disabilities from that statement?

Wow, this thread is terrifying. There are really people out there who think it's okay to drive with blurred vision?

I broke up with a partner purely because he didn’t drive. Didn’t think it would be such a big deal but it was.

Non-driver would be a deal-breaker for me in a partner (unless they did a significant amount of housework/cooking/childcare etc compared to me.
I love driving, and much prefer to be the driver than the passenger, but I wouldn't want to be someone else chauffeur/have to do all the jobs where you need a car.

Jesus. Totally putting aside the fact that you probably shouldn’t be driving. Why does he think it’s ok for you to be the designated driver??? I would be seriously considering my long term future with this man if he can’t pull his finger out and be an adult