Ffs! Im just trying to have a fucking conversation with you!

[Shouldershrugger]

Just tried to have a hypothetical lighthearted conversation with dh and ffs he's getting stressed out. Its always it too early or too tired for this convo! Shall I book an appoint with his highness??! It'd be nice to just have a conversation different to the usual monotonous crap! Urgh. Please tell me that I'm not the only one who struggles to get a chit chat convo out of their partners.

What topics interest him?
What does he like to do, when not working?

Try that or

Just laugh at a few random stuff, and when he asks... What was that, just say... Oh, it's, oh never mind, it'll take tomlong to explain.

Just so this randomly over a few days. He'll be dying to know what you're finding funny.

Personally, me the fiancee talk about anything and everything.

Our first date was 6½ hrs long. We just chatted about everything.

A TV program, an advert, a FB joke, something nice read on here, a documentary/TV prog advert, or film preview. We just chat all the time.

Sept will be the 5th anniversary of our first date, and in such a great way, we feel we've been together longer.

Without.clues or a wishlist, I get her , perfume, jewelry, clothes, all her size n taste. I know cos not only does she wear/use it, she does so lots of times.

Yes, I'm a straight man! In some ways, would be.considered a typical male, but cos we talk about anything and everything, I can buy her stuff she likes.

Me and my dh have been married for 13 years together for 14 and still manage to talk about utter shite and have really really long conversations about anything and everything, sometimes we switch the tv off at about 8pm and dont go to bed til about 2am because we have just sat and spoken about crap and had a good old giggle for hours! But I do think it all depends on whether you are on the same wavelengths and how much of the same humour and interests you share in order to stay interested in each other! If that makes sense!! But yea me and dh can be a right pair of dicks when we want to be, we just bounce of each other it's nice!!

My DH & I have in-depth conversations a fair amount about loads of different crap, and yes I would miss it if we couldn’t do that. So I totally see where you are coming from here.

I'm with you. Everything is so serious now..been with my husband for 6 years and we would sometimes in the early days be up until 2am just talking about anything and everything! Now if we are sat on the sofa and I ask a question he huffs, says hes trying to watch tv or is sick of me pausing the tv to ask him something...when in my head I'm just thinking wow how I would love to smash the tv up and his phone so then there is no other reason not to talk or listen to me.

@Shouldershrugger why don't you just ask him what his bloody problem is and why is it that you can't seem to have a light hearted conversation about anything without him flying off the handle and tell him how very boring he is.

I would but I'm known for my directness. No beating about the Bush in my house.

Bloody men.

Love it!!!

The best conversations are borne from random things. Not everything has to be serious or about every day life! I'll come chat bollocks with you op

It's never a good time with my husband either. He's always doing something (watching tv). Even my emails arrive at the wrong time.

Not a good sign.

Why on earth did you try and talk about something other than sport? What a waste of your time. I hope you have learned your lesson. Just ask him about the offside rule and he will bore you unconscious.

I’m with you, OP. I agree with some PP about the actual subject you referenced - I don’t want children, so if I had a partner and they started bringing the subject of fertility and egg/sperm donation up, I’d wonder where they were going with it. I’d be worried they’d changed their mind on being child free!
But I think the real problem here is he doesn’t seem to want to talk to you - you’re not at all being unreasonable for wanting to have conversations with him. If it’s never a good time for him, that’s a problem.
I’m quietly letting my longest standing friendship go because of similar reasons. She wasn’t shutting me down, but making conversation was getting harder and sometimes I just got grunts in response lol.

I totally feel you OP. This is a constant frustration with my DP. He specialises in inoffensive small talk and I end up feeling like we’re two old ladies at a bus stop.

To be honest it’s something that’s been a frustration from the beginning of our relationship.

Don’t get me wrong – we do get on well and can talk openly about how we feel, as well as everyday stuff, and we do have a laugh. But I feel it stops at a certain level.

I really enjoy a good, involved convo, wrangling with ideas, challenging each other. I miss it.

Like your DH, often if I try and start a conversation about something he’ll struggle to think of something to say and then complain of / apologise for being tired. I don’t want to badger him into a conversation but I just feel so unstimulated. I feel sometimes like my mind is turning to mush!

Agree with @Edwardette

And @Teatowel1 that rings a bell you know. Thanks for your post, definitely food for thought.

@emilybrontescorsett - I think you must have the same mum as DH!!
Whenever he gets off of the phone from speaking to her, the first thing I ask him is has anyone died! It's always someone whose third cousin twice removed once sat on a bus with DH - "Oh you must remember them"
It drives DH round the bend.
This has been going on for years - about half of MIL and PILs social life is attending funerals.

He's simply gotten into the routine of taking you for granted op.
I would suggest not trying to start any conversations and only give him very brief replies/responses if he speaks to you. Basically cut the amount of interaction that he can have with you. Don't be moody or angry with him though, be cheerful but distant. Busy yourself and don't be needy. If you take his 'access' to you away, he'll start to see how you've been feeling.
Often we have to show the other person (physically) how we feel so that they can experience empathy with us. This way he also won't be able to accuse you of nagging and the act of wrongdoing will rest with him.

Your definitely not alone on this one OP.

I love a good hypothetical conversation but my DH will have none of it. He usually says something along the lines of; "well it will never happen to us, so why think about it?!"
That's the whole point! Imagine if it did! What would you do?!
blank stare from DH

@MummyMayo1988

I love hypothetical conversations with my DP but there is a time and a place. Sometimes I'm trying to concentrate or read in peace and he starts wittering on about something he saw online, it's quite irritating. Those sorts of conversations are only fun if they happen naturally, otherwise it feels a bit like school general studies rather than lighthearted communication.

This thread is a good demonstration of how much the responses can vary day to day. There was another thread two days ago about the exact same thing called something like "my DH and I never talk anymore". Every single response was along the lines of "oh thats a shame OP, my DP and I chat constantly, we never stop" or "yep had the same problem, now he's exdh thank god".

But today it's "you sound awful OP, how dare you want to chat, just talk about the neighbourhood bin schedule if you must and otherwise shut up".

@1300cakes

Blimey you asked him at 9pm? Too late for chit chat.

I’m genuinely astonished at the number of posters who don’t have conversations with their partners. What do you do instead? As in, what’s the basis of your relationship if you don’t regularly communicate? Doubly so for the people who aren’t interested in anything their partner is interested in (or vice versa).

This is a genuine question and I’m not being at all snarky, by the way. This isn’t anything like my relationship, and I’m really interested in other people’s setups.

@Buggritbuggrit

What I take from a lot of the responses is that not everyone’s into ‘deep’ conversations, or at least that people really seem to have very different styles of conversation with their partners.

I was one of the ones above empathising with the OP (I really enjoy discussing abstract concepts* but my partner tends more towards mundane practical topics) so I’d be really interested in answers to that too. It’s interesting to see there’s such a range.

*I expect this is probably very boring for some, too

Yes I get the same always! Yet if he wants to speak to me about something have to listen! Drives me mad tbh! U should be able to speak about anything with ure partner no matter what the topic! Random or not! I defo feel ure pain! X

@IntheHeartofTransylvania I suppose I am trying to understand how that works in a practical sense.

So, in your situation, if you like to discuss abstract concepts and he only likes practical subjects, what do you actually talk about? And, when you initially got together, what did you talk about then? On dates and so on. To my way of thinking, you must have liked talking to each other at least to begin with, right? Or it wouldn’t have gone past date one?

@Buggritbuggrit

We get on, we have a laugh, we can talk through any problems or how we feel. We talk about politics, about situations, about all sorts of things. But maybe from a different angle or with a different approach. I don’t need every conversation to be ‘abstract’, and he doesn’t only talk about everyday practical stuff – just more than I would choose in an ideal scenario. It’s a continuum of overlapping interest rather than either/or.

We connected on a deep level when we met and complemented each other very well in terms of temperament and character. We love each other and feel at ease around one another. He’s my best friend. Although in all honesty the issue of different ‘conversational styles/interests’ has really always been the one point of frustration for me, and I try and find ways to work round it (seeking that sort of stimulation elsewhere, from friends, meetup groups, etc., for example). The other many good aspects of our relationship have been compelling enough to outweigh that niggle.