Ffs! Im just trying to have a fucking conversation with you!

[Shouldershrugger]

Just tried to have a hypothetical lighthearted conversation with dh and ffs he's getting stressed out. Its always it too early or too tired for this convo! Shall I book an appoint with his highness??! It'd be nice to just have a conversation different to the usual monotonous crap! Urgh. Please tell me that I'm not the only one who struggles to get a chit chat convo out of their partners.

I get it - but demands my full attention on his topics of conversation.

Well I thought hands for feet too, stupid question really and requires no discussion as the answer seems obvious. However, what of you were someone who likes to get about fast and if you were two pairs of feet would be really useful.

You'd struggle to butter a cracker though, @Rubyroost.

@Wingedharpy not necessarily... Some people paint with their feet.

Back in the old world DH used to go out and do his hobby twice a week, coming home usually between 11 and 12. I'm usually up quietly reading, as I like that quiet time. Quite often he'd come in and start wittering on about what his financial adviser mate had said about pensions and should we look into x,y,z; or he'd say 'let's google this place for going on holiday that someone has told me about' or whatever.

It used to drive me mad! I have lost count of the times I have said to him - it's late, I'm tired, I'm only up because I'm quietly chilling reading and I don't want to have to start using my brain at this time of night!

Could your DH be feeling like that? It was nearly ten when you posted, that's bedtime for many. I agree it's good to talk - but sometimes it's just too much like hard work.....

@Rubyroost: Yes, I know. But holding a fine paintbrush between the toes is a bit different to holding a butterknife.
I'm beginning to see why OP's DH doesn't engage🤣

@Shouldershrugger I’m with you. DH is happy to chat and banter with everyone else, but not me very often. Apparently this is a good thing as it’s because he knows he doesn’t have to put on a show with me. Huh, I like chat and banter too!!

Sometimes it's just not the right time to have a conversation, even though you think that any time is the right time for one. But maybe the subject matter was a bit off putting in this case.

Maybe the conversation didn't interest him? I have to say it's not something that would thrill me either.

I don't like discussing scenarios which aren't real...hypothetical situations...it's boring.

Sounds like you've just become part of the furniture to him. You facilitate his interests and free time. Do you want to be with him?

DH does this sometimes, I glaze over and answer with yes, no, umm, if it’s something repetitive or uninteresting. Doesn’t mean I don’t love him, just means he’s boring me, talk about something else

I’m sure any conversation around sperm donation with my husband would be a pretty short one too.

My adult dd is a bit like you dh and I'm divorcing her, hehehe. When I want to start a conversation it is never a good time, but when she wants to start a conversation, I'm supposed to stop everything and listen.

@boredtotears11
My dh says he’s not interested in most of the stuff I have to say. If I read him something from mumsnet he puts his hand up and tells me he’s not interested in “that crap” He’s a rude pig.

I feel very lonely right now, it’s just me and him, but I might as well be on my own.
That sounds quite soul destroying boredtotears11. I wonder whether lockdown and the coming months isn't a good time to evaluate your options? Is there a possibility of reviewing your own personal finances and making a complete break from a relationship in which you sound unhappy? You might find being out of such a negative relationship would make your life happier and lighter. 🌷

He’s a rude pig or you are genuinely boring him. That does seem likely

Pretty specific subject. Not really light hearted. I am pretty sure many men would shut this conversation down really quickly. You sound very wound up op. Have a bath, relax a bit

There is nothing "lighthearted" about sperm donation. And if you aren't having any fertility issues, maybe he just isn't interested in talking about it. Try talking about something which really is lighthearted , like movies or food, rather than medical procedures.

Conversations used to be 'Shall we watch Dad's Army or Corrie' or similar, or perhaps 'is it due to rain tomorrow?'.
I don't much converse with DH, we don't agree on much, and everything is really controversial whether you want it or not. Politics, the environment, movies, let alone women's role in the world, etc etc

Op i think your conversation was interesting and so.ething thats good to be debated. Certainly important to know what your partner's position on it is. Sadly my DP is like that, too. Would go into a long monologue about engineering but any hypothetical or idealoggic debate he would shut down sharpish. I think this is due to incompatibility. Next relation, I will make sure we have plenty to talk about.

My DH is like this. Absolutely HATES any hypothetical conversations of any kind. Also hates any conversations about the future - he always feels I am “springing it” on him (like I asked what he thought about if we did a meal plan and maybe he could cook dinner on Saturday nights because I do all the cooking and I fancied 1 night a week where I didn’t have to. He got all surly and silent and then said he couldn’t discuss because I had sprung it on him out of the blue). It’s one area where we are really just so different, my brain jumps around and I just sort of spill out what I am thinking. He finds this stressful. But I get incredibly frustrated that we can’t just chat about something. I honestly don’t know what he wants me to do - I have asked and it isn’t clear - am I supposed to send him an email outlining my thoughts and then schedule in a time to discuss?? How do you not “spring” things on someone?!

I totally get this. I'm a nightmare for asking dp hypothetical questions mostly triggered by my mumsnet reading haha next time he cuts you off ask him what he wants to chat about. If it goes on I think I would raise it because I would hate to think of me and dp not being able to have random chats anymore.

Make sure you schedule a time to talk that isn't taken too much of his precious time.
It was an odd question to ask but he didn't need to act like that.
I ask my partner all kinds of weird crap that goes through my head and he's happy to engage. Likewise with him he knows a lot of useless information for some reason.

SH Santa hands for feet. Two sets of feet. Didn't even bat an eyelid at being asked at 7.15 whilst I fed the baby seriously Op your problem isn't the subject matter - it's your DH. It's one thing to not want to discuss things all the time but it's another to not make conversation at all. It sounds like you maybe don't have a lot in common anymore? Does he ever initiate conversations at all about anything interesting with you?

DH wands hands for feet!

Oh my goodness I can only blame feeding DD for all these typos