Ffs! Im just trying to have a fucking conversation with you!

[Shouldershrugger]

Just tried to have a hypothetical lighthearted conversation with dh and ffs he's getting stressed out. Its always it too early or too tired for this convo! Shall I book an appoint with his highness??! It'd be nice to just have a conversation different to the usual monotonous crap! Urgh. Please tell me that I'm not the only one who struggles to get a chit chat convo out of their partners.

I'm really torn on this.

I hate inane wittering - can't stand it. DH often comes home and tells me about someone at works weekend, for example- I've never met them and have no interest in their weekend but I nod along politely because he obviously thinks it's interesting.

Truth be told, though, rather sit in peaceful silence than listen to someone talking just for the sake of it. If DH started talking to me about sperm donation I imagine it wouldn't be a particularly long conversation

Try the reverse, OP. You are knackered and preoccupied and suddenly your DP squeals: 'Would you be a surrogate womb for hire?'

You are starting the conversation at different points on the scale.

If you want a chat - have one - start on equal footing and develop the conversation from there.

If I ask DH if he would prefer to lose an arm or a leg, of if lizards and frogs can communicate, his little face lights up. He LOVES talking shite. However, ask him about his job, finances, moving house? Forget it.

Thank you everyone for posting. Maybe the subject was too heavy an issue to just have a lighthearted conversation about. Yes, maybe it was even too late too. But surely, we should make an effort to talk for a few minutes every day about things that don't have to do with the general running of our household? We used to be able to do this with such ease. Dont worry it's not all doom and gloom. We have a very good life together. We work well together. I just miss those years when we would be able to converse about crap. But thankfully I have friends for that and of course theres always mumsnet.

Oh and definitely hands for feet 😂

I think there's a difference between casual conversation and randomly bringing up sperm donation though

DH and I often have ridiculous conversations but they come from the TV show or film we're watching so they kind of make sense in that respect.

@zaffa yes my dh initiates conversation all the time. I get to hear about his work colleagues and all the banter they have and shit they talk about, his diy projects, his relaxation methods. I just listen. Even when I'm busy and tired, I still listen. Because we don't really get spare time to chew the fat. I guess we have different priorities when it comes to our relationship but thankfully we're on the same page when it comes to our family life. I guess you win some, you lose some.

DP is like this, yet he’ll bore me to tears with tedious detail about his job.

I don't know. I hate it when I'm blissed out after a long tiring day and watching telly or MNing or reading and DH decides to interrupt what I'm doing by making an announcement about something he's read on the news and wanting to have a big long discussion about it. I feel like just saying I really don't care, but that would be v rude

This!

I’m happy to have an6 kind of hypothetical discussion with DH but at the correct time. During lockdown, he has taken to waiting until he can hear the shower running (he gets up earlier than me) then charging into the bathroom to ask me things.

Last week one of the Pointer Sisters died. Whilst showering and still only half awake I was required to name all of the Pointer Sisters singles that I could remember, form and articulate a view on their cultural significance and opine on whether the story had only made the news because not much else was happening. Just bugger off!

God dh starts to ask my opinion of formula one or gaming politics. Or random things his on line mates are talking about. It's so dull bless him. I make him have opinions on say yes to the dress episodes.

Or we get into the heavy political stuff - we come from different places (me centre left, him centre right) so we clash. I sometimes just say no because I can't muster up the energy to.

He does this after I've been on the phone all day and am talked out. Does my nut in.

The kids and I were having that very same conversation the other day - my son thought it was a great idea until he found out he wouldn’t be paid 😂

@AnneLovesGilbert haha.... I just asked my husband that question and his answer was the same as mine, we would rather have hands for feet.

All feet would be far worse the all hands.

OP your husband is avoiding talking in my opinion rather than avoiding talking about those subjects. I ask random questions like that all time and mu husband would answer them as they come rather than asking for thinking time and vice versa.

Yes all the time I end up shouting so he listens lol I was trying to ask him about the scratch card winner other day!

lamthewombat are you married to my dh? 😁😁😁
Dh will suddenly announce " X has died! "
Me: I don't know who that is.
Dh: he was the bass player in (little know band)
Me: oh
Dh: and he played with X
Me: I still don't know who that is.
DH: you will know his songs, can you remember the song blah blahbkah.
Me: errr........vaguely (not really)
Dh: he wrote that with the singer of Y band, knowing look.
Me: oh, ok.
DH: I knew you would know him! Do you know which other songs he wrote?,....X and Y.
Me: oh ok.
Dh: yes I thought so, he was married to X.
Me: I don't know her!
Omg.

God I used to badger my husband with hypotheticals all the time and it drove him absolutely bonkers!

I stopped doing it. Now I cringe a bit when I think back on it

My mum's the same.
Mum: Susan Smith has died.
Me: Who?
Mum: Susan Smith
Me: blank look
Mum: Sue Smith, used to be married to Ted, Ted who walked with the stick, you know.
Me: hmmmm not really.
Mum: well she's died. You would know her. She had a sister who went to school with your uncle Peter. Now what was she calked, she had red hair and a son who might be the same age as you.
Me: what was he called?
Mum: I can't remember but you'll know him. Actually I think he was quite a bit younger than you. What was he called?
Me: I don't know, I don't think I know him.
Mum: anyway, Sue has died. I don't know when the funeral is.
Me: will you be going?
Mum: oh no, I didn't really know her that well.

Hands for feet is the obvious reply, unless you are into running and then feet for hands would be good as you could run faster on all fours (I’m guessing).
Yeah, a chat about sperm donation isn’t the most fascinating topic of convo to be honest unless it was about a situation like the sperm donator laying claim on the child years later. Maybe it was a case of wrong time/wrong topic. I’ll mention stuff from mumsnet and he’ll put in a response such as “omg really” or “that’s funny” but I don’t expect much more than that as mumsnet is what interests me.
He’ll talk about fishing and I’ll put in minimum response as I definitely have no interest in that. I wouldn’t get annoyed if he didn’t want to have a full blown conversation about mumsnet.

@emilybrontescorsett is your mum my mum???

OP you're not alone. This sounds so bloody familiar. I can't seem to get a decent conversion out DP for love nor money these days. Making me LOL the idea at certain conversations for certain times of the day 😂

I will go a step further, @emilybrontescorsett. I think that both my husband and my mother have been living a double life in your family.

Tell you what though. I was getting really fed up with being ignored in favour of DH’s phone or the tv. I bought a few board games and now on a Saturday night once the kids are down we sit at the kitchen table, put on some music and have a few drinks while we play. Getting DH on board was difficult at first but omg what a laugh we have. We get a good catch up and it’s so nice to just spend some time together.

This was one of the many reasons I split with my ex. For the first half our relationship we used to talk about anything and everything. I have a background in philosophy and love discussing hypothetical questions and ethical issues.

But the second half of our relationship he’d barely talk, started becoming quite dismissive and it just got really lonely. But I’d have to listen to him talking about tax forms (his job) and try to engage with that even though you couldn’t pick a more boring topic.

There are only 3 or 4 topics my husband is ever interested in:

Football (I'm not)
Traditional Irish music (I'm not)
The kids (absolutely of course)
Diet and exercise (half and half)

Anything other than that is met with a vacant stare and you can tell he's really thinking about dinner.

I do wonder what we talked about/had in common before we had kids.

I can lend you my Husband if you would like who wanted to start discussing the crazy prison situation in America as soon as I got out of bed and before I had put the kettle on, I thought he knew by now not to talk to me until I have drunk at least half a cup of tea. I too would also not relish a meaningful conversation before bed either.

It sounds like he CBA. You can't force him to be chatty but you can decide if you want to put up with it.
Yanbu he should make an effort for you.
I do some shop runs for 2 older ladies both say their DH rarely speaks to them it is a lonely quiet life other than the crinkle of the newspaper page turn after the DC went.