AIBU by not being convinced about moving to Ireland?

[Shedbuilder]

My partner's grandparents were born in Ireland and so she's been able to obtain an Irish passport. I'm English. We're very pro-EU and horrified by Brexit and we hate the current government and direction the UK is taking. We're wondering about putting our money where our mouths are and moving to Ireland. Our parents are all dead, we don't have children, we're on good terms, but not particularly close, to our siblings and their families. We'd plan to come back and visit friends and family in the UK several times a year and we've factored in the cost of doing that.

It would suit my partner well. She's very gregarious, she has the blarney and she also has some family over there already. I wouldn't know anyone. I also worry about what it would be like to be noticeably English in Ireland. I'm not at all posh but I sound a bit Radio 4.

I'm concerned that my partner has some pretty romantic ideas about Ireland. She expects it to be so much better than England. She's just been ranting at the far righters Nazi-saluting at the cenotaph and saying proudly that it wouldn't happen in Ireland. I made the mistake of replying no, it wouldn't happen in Ireland because Ireland stayed neutral during WW2 and then for years persecuted and scapegoated the Irish men and women who volunteered to fight Hitler. That didn't go down well.

The area we would be looking at is probably somewhere within a five-mile radius of Enniscorthy and within relatively easy reach of Wexford and Dublin. Also close to the Rosslare ferry and the coast. The property in that area seems excellent value for money: currently looking at a spacious 4-year-old four-bedroom house on an acre, well away from neighbours, and with a separate double garage and a barn for under £300,000.

We know we'll have to have private medical insurance. We know that we'll have a lot of learning to do and that the chances are I'll be an outsider for the rest of my life. As a lesbian I'm used to that. I'm also aware that Ireland has its own issues around transgender and women's rights, but they seem no worse than they are here.

So tell me, would you move to Ireland if you could?

Love this speech by your Queen.

@Shedbuilder is your dp Irish born.Or British with an Irish passport?

We dislike people with 'notions'. Look it up Indeed one must not have notions above their station. 🤣 I think it is why celebrities mix with ease here they might get notions if asked for a selfie or autograph.

I personally wouldn't move to a country I was sceptical about.

Haha - We'll put them in their place alright haha! EmeraldShamrock.

'Where did I say there were no war monuments in the south of Ireland?'

The bit where you said it couldn't happen in Ireland as the south ( not the North but I'm sure you already knew that, right?) remained neutral in WW2 suggested to me that you thought that there were no war monuments.

There's a book called "A short history of Ireland 1500-2000' which is excellent. You might find it helpful.

And for the love of God read something, anything about the famines and how they were entirely preventable ('false famines') as there was enough food. I know that one's not your fault, English people don't get taught that their government let the people starve unnecessarily but we can be pretty touchy about it. Read about the great famine and you'll understand so much more about Ireland, our relationship with England and the Irish diaspora which has defined our country for so many generations.
And please, no potato jokes. We're over them.
On the plus side - no one's going to care that you're gay.

GimmeAy, my partner would continue to work for her current employer which is a German-based company: she would probably work remotely in her current role for a while, perhaps with the opportunity to set up an Irish office for them. I run a small specialist company in the construction sector and employ people here. I would expect to do something similar in Ireland and train and employ people. I've done the research and my qualifications are transferable.

We would be entirely self-funding. No children, no demands on the state, no expectation of a pension or benefits. My partner's company would actually like her to go to Germany but neither of us speaks much of the language and I think I would struggle to cope running a business there. But maybe that would be the better option.

I tried Ireland for a couple of months while working on the project in Dublin. I am not English, but foreign both to Ireland and the UK. My children are half Irish though.

I found people there much, much more xenophobic than in London, if I am honest. I tried to rent a place reasonably long term as a single foreign mother and the comments I got back were just unbelievable (along the lines of don't you know how to keep your legs shut).
Another massive issue I faced is that it is practically impossible to get into any borderline decent school if the children had not been baptised into Catholicism pretty much at birth.
On the positive side - it does look like one of the best places on Earth to live (and especially grow up as a child), if you "fit in".

Christ on a bike! What an over reaction from so many people. The poor OP. She might have clumsily worded things here and there but what she is wondering and anxious about is honest and understandable. I like your calm responses OP. I think many posters are being incredibly aggressive. I would be reluctant to move if that hostility, which is displayed all too readily here at the slightest thing, is representative.

@Smallsteps88

Good God why would you even consider moving OP? You sound like you hate it already.

I don’t think op is considering it at all. This thread is clearly so OP can say “see, I told you so” to her partner.

I was actually hoping that there would be people saying I'd be a fool not to move, that everything would be fine, it wouldn't be say but the benefits would outweigh the costs. Because my partner really wants to go and this may, if I can't go and be happy there, spell the end of the relationship, or a long distance relationship. So I would very definitely have preferred a more positive response.

I think I've had about as much as I can take. Off for a gin. Slainte.

I wasn't asking the question as in - will you be a drain on the state - I was asking as in - will you be fulfilled workwise in Ireland.
I think a two week holiday and viewing houses and schools and trying to live as the locals do post lockdown would be good before I would consider a move. See how well you're received when you say that you're considering moving. Weigh it up from there.

@Stillhere101 as an English person who's lived in Ireland for over 20 years I want to point out that my experience of living here has been in no way negative in the way yours has. In all my years here I have experienced precisely zero anti-English feeling, certainly no comments to my face anyway. I feel completely at home here. It realise that it helps that I married into an Irish family. As for criticising how things are done differently here - well, you just don't, do you? It's the height of rudeness in my opinion. When in Rome, and all that.

Another massive issue I faced is that it is practically impossible to get into any borderline decent school if the children had not been baptised into Catholicism pretty much at birth.

That is not the case in most of the country. The primary school my kids went to was Catholic but at least a third of the kids were not Catholic. Same with the secondary but probably 25%. I think it's an issue in certain parts of Dublin whereas in the rest of the country, religion isn't even on the list of entry criteria for most schools.

Within 10km of where I live, there are 7 primary schools and 3 secondary schools. One of the secondary schools and none of the primary schools, has religion as a criterion. The one that has it as a criterion is not oversubscribed so anyone can get in. That said, I wouldn't send my kids there as it is very Catholic.

@OchonAgusOchonO
That well might be so. My experience is indeed only with Dublin + some relatively upmarket areas around such as Dun Laoghaire.

My father is from near the area where you are thinking of moving and it's an amazing part of the country.
I'm Irish living in the uk , moved last year. I've no idea where you have gotten the impression that womens rights are any different in Ireland than the uk and trust me being a lesbian isn't an issue in ireland either. Its not the 1950s anymore. We also have no issues with the English. My oh is english and any time we go home, people in my town are extremely pleasant to him , nobody would even think to mention the fact that he is English.
The only issue you would encounter in Ireland is backlash to your attitude. You are woefully ignorant about the irish and in your post your couple of digs haven't gone unnoticed and comments like that will go down like a lead balloon at home.
My advise is that if you really want to move there , is to educate yourself about the country, visit a few times and be open minded and willing to leave your clear prejudices at the airport

Your Slainte solidifies for me that this thread was started in bad faith. If you can't write it properly then don't bother.

OP you specifically spoke about Irishmen fighting in WW2 & asked how they were treated on returning home.

I answered, fairly thoroughly & you made no response.

If this was a genuine question of interest to you, I think you'd have replied or indicated interest in what I told you.

You didn't & your response to other posters makes me agree it's goady & not in any way genuine posting.

OP Ireland is like anywhere else in that there are the best and worst of people. I've lived here for 3 decades and found people to be as welcoming ,wonderful, funny, warm, cold,nasty and unwelcoming as they are anywhere else.

I've found it to be true, as someone else commented up thread, that the Irish sometimes find it hard to believe anything bad about themselves. There's been a bit of that on this thread. I'm regularly told while in earshot of anti English sentiment that they don't mean me. I can't count the times I've been told I'm nice enough to be Irish.

You do need to remember at all times that there are very good reasons why the Irish have a complex relationship with the country that brutalised them for centuries.

@Shedbuilder it’s Sláinte actually.

You've had some unfair replies op. Il just give you my 2cents I was born in England and I've lived in Ireland for the best part of 20 years. I was a child when my family moved here so maybe that's why I haven't experienced much of the anti English attitude that people have spoken about. I made friends and school,college ECT my children we're all born here and I love life in Ireland it's a better way of life and I've found the majority of people here so friendly. I did move back to England briefly where I met my now husband but couldn't stick it there and wanted to come home. He came with me and left his entire life in the UK.he found it hard at first because it is a very different way of life (he came from a big city to a very rural part of Ireland) but once he got working and met people and made friends he soon settled in. He has never experienced any hate for being English. It does sound like you have a lot of doubts and it is a big move so really think it through. I would defo come for a visit first and get a feel for it. Good luck hope it all works out for you .

Cd you rent your home in UK & come & rent here (Ireland) for a year. If you have connections in the area you want to be based, you will be introduced to people socially etc & you can go from there. One of my closest friends is England born & raise, came over with an Irishman & made it her home...with him for many years & without him now for longer. She wants to downsize, kids grown & living away & we spoke recently about it... she would not consider going back to UK, she still has friends & family there but here is very different & she now feels very different & Ireland is home.

We are a friendly lot but culturally it is v different & you need to be open to that & embracing of it. Like another poster said...if you went to sny country just comparing things to 'home' & finding it wanting...then you'd probably brush people up the wrong way. You need to spend time here, see do you like it first before making a final decision. And being lesbian won't be an issue...so don't let that be a concern for you. As others also said...this AIBU pg may not be the best place to ask...

Gosh people are being quite hostile. Some Irish people can be very sensitive to criticism OP as you've observed

The vast, vast majority wont care that you're English - though they will most likely ask you about where exactly you're from. This is simple curiosity as many have worked/gone to uni in the U.K. and are very familiar with it.

I've lived all over the world but Ireland is the only country I'd stay in long term. My quality of life here beats everywhere else I've lived, though that will depend on circumstances: I'm in a fortunate position here financially and live in a stunningly beautiful place. My life in the U.K. was just not comparable.

The history of WW2 veterans has literally never come up once the entire time I've lived here l, so I'm unsure as to why that's being made out to be a big deal. Unless it's closing time at the pub no one is going to bring it up if you don't!

I'm Irish. Born and bred. They say if you can count your friends on one hand, you're lucky.
I have 5 dear friends.
1 from County Longford (Ireland)
1 from County Wexford (dd's godmother)
1 from Barnsley (English)
1 from NZ (English) - now married to my friend from Barnsley and living in NZ
1 from British Columbia (met in London)

We're not a backwards people.

Correction - my friend from NZ is not English lol. She's a kiwi through and through and myself and her wife and myself have great banter through the rugby.

Another massive issue I faced is that it is practically impossible to get into any borderline decent school if the children had not been baptised into Catholicism pretty much at birth.

The law was changed on this. Schools can no longer discriminate based on religion. Although the vast, vast majority of schools are still catholic so your child will be indoctrinated in some shape or form unfortunately!