AIBU by not being convinced about moving to Ireland?

[Shedbuilder]

My partner's grandparents were born in Ireland and so she's been able to obtain an Irish passport. I'm English. We're very pro-EU and horrified by Brexit and we hate the current government and direction the UK is taking. We're wondering about putting our money where our mouths are and moving to Ireland. Our parents are all dead, we don't have children, we're on good terms, but not particularly close, to our siblings and their families. We'd plan to come back and visit friends and family in the UK several times a year and we've factored in the cost of doing that.

It would suit my partner well. She's very gregarious, she has the blarney and she also has some family over there already. I wouldn't know anyone. I also worry about what it would be like to be noticeably English in Ireland. I'm not at all posh but I sound a bit Radio 4.

I'm concerned that my partner has some pretty romantic ideas about Ireland. She expects it to be so much better than England. She's just been ranting at the far righters Nazi-saluting at the cenotaph and saying proudly that it wouldn't happen in Ireland. I made the mistake of replying no, it wouldn't happen in Ireland because Ireland stayed neutral during WW2 and then for years persecuted and scapegoated the Irish men and women who volunteered to fight Hitler. That didn't go down well.

The area we would be looking at is probably somewhere within a five-mile radius of Enniscorthy and within relatively easy reach of Wexford and Dublin. Also close to the Rosslare ferry and the coast. The property in that area seems excellent value for money: currently looking at a spacious 4-year-old four-bedroom house on an acre, well away from neighbours, and with a separate double garage and a barn for under £300,000.

We know we'll have to have private medical insurance. We know that we'll have a lot of learning to do and that the chances are I'll be an outsider for the rest of my life. As a lesbian I'm used to that. I'm also aware that Ireland has its own issues around transgender and women's rights, but they seem no worse than they are here.

So tell me, would you move to Ireland if you could?

'You lot is an Irish expression that means a collective group.'

An Irish expression? ok then......

OP, I’d advise you to stay where you are or, if you do come here, prepare to keep your mouth closed as you cannot dare criticise Ireland at any level about anything without more of the same vitriol you’ve seen here so far on this thread.

Can you move to any country, start criticising it and have people go grand so, we'll take your criticism on board? Look at the stereotype of the whinging pommes in Aus? That's because they go over and compare it to the UK expecting it to be same when it isn't. Ireland is very different to the UK, a quick read on mumsnet as an Irish person confirms just how different.
When we were canvassing to repeal the 8th there were lots of English women involved and they were all welcomed in helping to make a change. My parents who are English have helped set up lots of kids groups, helped canvas for various issues, help towards making change in their local area and have never had their Englishness thrown back at them for helping to make things better for everyone. If they say on their holes and just whined about it though I'm sure things would be different.

@Stillhere101

Ricebubbles, Yes I’m well aware of the need to keep my thoughts to myself on Irish matters. Been doing that a long time. Doesn’t stop people having a dig but I don’t retaliate. I’m really sorry you’ve had a hard time in the Uk. There are twats everywhere. It’s very across the board here though. I’m struck how one poster says they’d wouldn’t move back with their English husband and kids as they know what it would be like. Says it all really.

My point wasn't that I had a hard time in the UK. It is that when you are an emigrant in another country you respect their beliefs, history e culture despite your private views. And yes one poster sat they wouldn't move back with a British partner, plenty others have.

@Lottapianos - An Irish expression? grin ok then......

I was referring to the way the expression is used in Ireland. I didn't mean it's not used elsewhere. I think in England it means all of you, so different nuances.

Although, admittedly that wasn't at all clear on my post

Thing is, Smallsteps88, Ireland markets itself on its welcome

To people who want to come and live here and complain about the place? I don’t think it does. I don’t particularly think ireland markets itself at all to attract people to come and live here. Tourism? Yeah. Big tourism market- based on the beauty of the place, the food, the culture, as well as the “welcome”. But no real interest in being attractive to British people wanting to escape other British people.

I live in Ireland. Cannot believe how many of you are actually being quite aggressive, sarcastic and rude to the OP.

Huge thanks to all who've offered constructive advice, it really is appreciated. I've never heard of craicnet but if you think I would be welcome there I might try it.

Really pleased that some of you have found a life that suits you in Ireland and just as interested to hear why others wouldn't consider it. I'm going to show this thread to my partner. Perhaps then she'll understand my qualms.

If you want a history lesson on why Irish people might not have welcomed back people who fought for the British in the Second World War here it. First you (as in the British), invaded our country, stole our land, destroyed our language, inflicted a genocide on us which killed millions, and caused millions more to emigrate, oppressed us with the Black and Tans, bullied us through a war of independence, refused to give us back a portion of land which cause a civil war, and then just as we begin to get back on feet expect us to rush to your aid in ww2, and have a chip on your shoulder 50 years later because we didn’t.

OP

I'll answer your question regarding Irishmen's participation in WW2.

There was little overt mistreatment of them. About 70,000 Irish men joined the British forces in all fields (not including Northern Ireland, where 50,000 joined up).

Many came home and continued their lives. Some had been notably honoured for their work in the war.

Many more stayed in the UK. Possibly due to possible reaction from people at home but not necessarily. From late 40s into the 50s as the Irish economy languished, many Irish people went to the UK.

Generally the Irish who fought in WW2 are little spoken of. In recent years, their contribution has been spoken about more.

I find your posts ill-informed and looking for negativity. I know many British people living in Ireland. Yes, sometimes there's anti-English sentiment but I've never seen it & would feel it's rare.

@Drbrowns

If you want a history lesson on why Irish people might not have welcomed back people who fought for the British in the Second World War here it. First you (as in the British), invaded our country, stole our land, destroyed our language, inflicted a genocide on us which killed millions, and caused millions more to emigrate, oppressed us with the Black and Tans, bullied us through a war of independence, refused to give us back a portion of land which cause a civil war, and then just as we begin to get back on feet expect us to rush to your aid in ww2, and have a chip on your shoulder 50 years later because we didn’t.

And this is why I won’t bring my English husband home to my own country, that I love. Because some people see individual British people as the personification of the historical wrongs. And it’s hard to get past that. For either side.

@CareBear50. I think it’s the nature of some of the people who frequent AIBU rather than anything to do with the topic of the thread itself.
Posters with a negative outlook wanting to rail against something/anything.

@Shedbuilder - I'm going to show this thread to my partner. Perhaps then she'll understand my qualms.

Hmmm. This reinforces my suspicion that you wrote your op deliberately in a way likely to evoke a negative response. Your dp wants to move to Ireland. You don't. You now have ammunition to support your position.

You sound incredibly ill-informed, and while your partner is equally ill-informed, she romanticises while you smile and condescend. Please don’t use the term ‘blarney’ unless you also refer to black people’s dancing/athletic abilities. In fact, don’t anyway.

I lived in England for 25 years and recently returned to Ireland and yes, my life is much better here, and Irish society is generally in better shape, and has dealt far better with COVID-19, but you would be completely mad to emigrate to a country (a) about which you know nothing and (b) about which you have such stereotypical views.

You SNIPE and condescend, not smile.

@GrandAltogetherSo

We moved here from the U.K. 6 years ago and wouldn’t move back, if you paid me. We love it here, in the far south west corner.

You made a mistake posting in AIBU. Anyone who posts in AIBU is generally pounced on.

You need to come onto craicnet on mumsnet or if you need specific local advice, try boards.ie.

Where I live is very cosmopolitan with a significant proportion of Brits, but I also have friends who moved here from Germany, South Africa, Australia, US, Italy, Spain etc... Nearby is the 1 gigabit town with lots of successful IT businesses. We have senior staff from Apple and Google, living and working locally and commuting occasionally into Dublin for meetings. We also have lots of rowing locally, both river and coastal rowing. Most of the Irish Olympic rowing team grew up around this area.

Neither of us have any Irish connections so it was a bit of a leap when we moved but we’ve made so many friends here, it’s been a fantastic experience. I still have family in the U.K. and when we sit out in our huge garden with fabulous views over the countryside, we feel incredibly grateful that we moved here from our crappy house in Bristol.

I knew very little about Irish history before moving here, but I’ve had a chance to learn, the local history society is very informative and my DS is currently learning the Irish language at school (and during lockdown).

Is that Skibbereen? It’s amazing how such a small town has reinvented themselves. Galway is another town that has done fantastically well in going from relative mediocrity to a fantastic place to go. Belfast, I know it’s ni, but still on the island was doing well but I fear the virus and then Brexit is going to completely fuck us up.

Just to add to Drbrowns - the current realisation in Britian that Churchill was racist applied to Irish people too. A fact that Irish people were aware of at the time.

what happened to the people who served in the British army and navy when they came home?

Nothing really.

But it’s been airbrushes/downplayed out of history. Ireland was neutral in WW2. Its not anything like as significant to us as it is in the U.K.

An English lesbian in Ireland won’t attract too much attention these days. There’s a lot of migration, lots of Europeans, Brazilians, Indians.

I would caution at trying to make any points to the Irish about their history/identity. That won’t endear you to anyone.

And there are many introverts in Ireland, don’t let that trouble you.

Having moved back ‘home’ after years in London, the country is in a good place psychologically, very forward thinking, open. It feels like a much healthier place to be than the U.K. right now.

So I’d recommend it. But only if you actually want to engage with the countries culture, rather than view everything in relation to the U.K.

en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Michael_Collins_(film)
en.wikipedia.org/wiki/In_the_Name_of_the_Father_(film)
en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Field_(film)
en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Some_Mother%27s_Son

I'd recommend the above films as a starting point for history.
At least one if not two have won Oscars.

Stillhere, I was reading through again and saw your post and wanted to offer a socially-dhug. That's a tough situation to be in. I have friends in Spain who would agree with you some days. They've lived there for 30 years, speak the language, have Spanish friends but say that very rarely do they not feel like outsiders. It's their experience that I think about when my partner urges me to move. I hope you can find a way of being where you want to be.

Crikey, this has put me right off visiting Ireland.

57GrandAltogetherSo

@CareBear50. Ithink it’s the nature of some of the people who frequent AIBU rather than anything to do with the topic of the thread itself.posters with a negative outlook wanting to rail against something/anything

57grand I think you're right. No wonder there is so much turmoil in real life. I am finding that increasingly on Mumsnet people are looking for a fight rather than try to see things from the other person's POV. Some people are really very rude and say v hurtful things

Gimme, I've seen all of those. As I said, I've been effectively married to a woman with an Irish passport for 30 years.

@Shedbuilder

Huge thanks to all who've offered constructive advice, it really is appreciated. I've never heard of craicnet but if you think I would be welcome there I might try it.

Really pleased that some of you have found a life that suits you in Ireland and just as interested to hear why others wouldn't consider it. I'm going to show this thread to my partner. Perhaps then she'll understand my qualms.

Just a wee note to your partner. Your partner, the OP, has cane on here with a completely negative, bordering on racist attitude to the Irish and that’s why she’s had angry responses. She set this thread up to fail, in order to put you off. I would actually look deeper into your relationship and see if there is a pattern of this, in other areas of your life.

I live in NI so I’ve little skin in this, but I spent my childhood and a lot of my adult life holidaying over the border in Ireland and the vast majority of people were very welcome. I’ve met a few English people there over the years and they seem very happy and settled. You’ll get arses and racists in every country. Your partner, the OP is evidence of that.

Posting in bits as keep losing posts.

Enniscorthy is in the sunny south east - it's not a small village. It's fairly big and is within the commuter belt to Dublin to an extent. It's the county JF Kennedy is from. My best friend is from there and reports an idyllic childhood with better weather than most of Ireland and close proximity to beaches.
I'm pretty sure there's a dual carriageway most of the way to Dublin from Wexford town at least.
If you're interested in Irish history - I actually toured Wexford gaol - not the nicest of places lol.

The history with the Irish joining to fight with the British army was like people being turn-coats. Selling their souls to the devil.

This song provides context to the previous history you'll become aware of in the above films.

@GimmeAy In the name of the father gets me everytime.