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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Moving house

83 replies

Sarah1153 · 13/06/2020 08:15

Ok so currently in a two bedroom flat. My daughter is 11 so being moved so she doesn't have to share a room. My partner is wanting to move in with us and has a 3 year old daughter in his care full time. The idea was my daughter has the bigger room as she spends more time in there but my partner has kicked off saying that his daughter and my son should have the bigger room as he seems to think they will be upstairs playing most the time as no toys would be allowed downstairs! Do i stick with original plan or does it make more sense to have daughter in smallest room? My son can't wait to have a garden so can't see him spending much time in his room as he doesn't now. Any advice would be appreciated
P. S smallest room you could get bunk beds, toys, wardrobes and chest of draws just wouldn't be a lot of floor space but enough

OP posts:

Apolloanddaphne · 13/06/2020 08:19

How old is your DS? Is the plan for him to share with your DPs DD when she comes? Dependant on their ages, it may be better for them to have the bigger room as they will probably want to play in their room at some point as they get older or in the winter.

ShouldISurrogate · 13/06/2020 08:22

The two sharing get the biggest room.

Original poster

Sarah1153 · 13/06/2020 08:25

Hes 8. The idea was they share yes. Ideally they should all have their own rooms but it's through the council and he wants to move in so kinda stuck really. Do you think it's safe leaving a 3 Yr old upstairs playing alone? I personally wouldn't as she's mischievous but just need opinions as causing massive arguments 😭x

OP posts:

AlwaysCheddar · 13/06/2020 08:25

How old is your son?

notheragain4 · 13/06/2020 08:32

"He wants to move in" what do you want? That's a big ask on your son.

TeenPlusTwenties · 13/06/2020 08:32

I wouldn't have a 3yo playing upstairs. It's not fair, and to me it shouts a bit as to what your partner's attitude might be towards general childish mess etc.

However I also wouldn't have an 8yo boy sharing a room with an unrelated 3yo. Fine now maybe but not in 3 years.

Not knowing you or your partner at all, I wouldn't move in and I'd look at partitioning your larger bedroom so your two kids get some privacy.
Will the council give you a 3 bedroomed place on your own now your kids are older (isn't there an age after which they don't expect opposite sex to share?)

Pipandmum · 13/06/2020 08:32

I'd be amazed at a three year old wanting to play on their own away from you. In my experience every family with young children realises that young kids play wherever you are.
While two sharing should get the biggest room, how realistic is it for an 8 year old boy and a three year old girl to share? It may be ok for first couple years but he, like your daughter, will need his own room soon. But the amount of stuff two kids have of course means they need the bigger room.

Lightsabre · 13/06/2020 08:34

Mmm, I can't see this working well - a 3 year old girl and 8 year old boy sharing and an 11 year old in a box room? Where will the adults sleep? Or have I got this arrangement wrong?

When your son starts secondary it won't be appropriate for him to be sharing with a 6 year old really - he'll need space to chill/do homework etc. Where does your partner live with his dd at the moment? How do your kids feel about sharing an already small space?

Original poster

Sarah1153 · 13/06/2020 08:36

@notheragain4 i wanted him to move in yes but now it seems only way we can is if his daughter has the biggest room with my son. X

OP posts:

Original poster

Sarah1153 · 13/06/2020 08:37

So we're only looking at staying in the house for 2 years maximum x

OP posts:

Apolloanddaphne · 13/06/2020 08:38

Now I know the ages then I don't think an unrelated 8yo boy and 3yo girl should be sharing at all. If he wants to move in you need to get a private let with enough rooms for all the children. Or you move to the 3 bed house and you and your DP have a fold out bed settee in the sitting room.

CrotchetyQuaver · 13/06/2020 08:39

I can't see how this works at all. The girls should share regardless of the huge age gap.

The 3 year old will play downstairs, she shouldn't be banished to play upstairs anyway when she's that small.

EatDessertFirst · 13/06/2020 08:40

Its all very much about what he wants. Kicking off about bedrooms for YOUR children? No toys downstairs?? Really?

Its not realistic to expect an 8 year old boy to share with a three year old girl and as they get older it will be unworkable and against council rules maybe (happy to be corrected if I'm wrong)?

Burgerandchipvan · 13/06/2020 08:40

Do you want him to move in?

I think you need to think long term here - how much longer can your DS share with a girl before he needs his own space?

postyourlunch · 13/06/2020 08:40

The 2 sharing should have the bigger room but personally I wouldn't have an 8yo sharing with an unrelated 3yo. How does he feel about that?
Also you can't have known each other for that long if he has a 3yo so I probably wouldn't move in at all just now with children in the mix.

Original poster

Sarah1153 · 13/06/2020 08:41

@Lightsabre it's a 3 bedroom house. My son doesn't mind to be honest as he spends no time in his room he shares with my daughter now. They have TV in their room and he likes to be in front room. X

OP posts:

TheGreatWave · 13/06/2020 08:41

Those that share get the bigger room, if there is enough room for two to share then there is enough room for one on their own.

Original poster

Sarah1153 · 13/06/2020 08:43

@postyourlunch we have been together 2 1/2 years. My son doesn't mind as only really in his room now to get dressed and to sleep. He spends his time in the front room x

OP posts:

FreeFromDinoMeat · 13/06/2020 08:43

The two sharing get the biggest. The only time I'd say otherwise is if the two sharing didn't live there full-time and only stayed EOW or similar. Then I think resident child should get biggest.

Original poster

Sarah1153 · 13/06/2020 08:44

@TeenPlusTwenties it's a 3 bedroom council house as daughter and son been sharing so got the house as shes 11 now and needs her own space x

OP posts:

user1487194234 · 13/06/2020 08:45

I don't think it is ok for an 8yr old boy and a 3 yr old girl who are unrelated should share a room
No toys downstairs and a 3 yr old to play upstairs
Do you agree with this type of parenting
Think long and hard and put your kids first

LuluBellaBlue · 13/06/2020 08:45

The 3 year old will rarely be in her room other than sleeping.
I’d suggest 11 yr old dd and 3 yr old dsd share the large room and your 8 yr old ds has the smaller room

Lightsabre · 13/06/2020 08:46

I misunderstood @Sarah1153, your opening line says you are currently in a two bed flat.

Original poster

Sarah1153 · 13/06/2020 08:47

@Apolloanddaphne i did suggest that but even with all having their own rooms he doesn't want his daughter in the smallest room even on her own x

OP posts:

postyourlunch · 13/06/2020 08:48

There's too many disagreements in parenting to even consider moving in imo

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