There is no such thing as "the terrible twos"?

[maybemaybeII]

Not a TAAT but there is an active thread about how parenting a toddler is hard and many parents leave their child in the cot and just walk out for 5minutes to get a breather because they can't cope.

I have two toddlers of different ages, very close age gap, but have never yelled at them or put them in "time out", or felt the need to walk away from them because they're misbehaving and driving me crazy. They've never drawn on the walls, or poured a packet of flour on the flour, or gone in to my makeup bag and destroyed my lipstick.. all the stuff you see on Instagram from time to time with a caption "toddlers are dicks/arseholes".

I'm not a perfect mum, my toddlers are currently watching Hey Duggee and about to have pain au chocolat's for breakfast (!!), and yes it is absolutely exhausting having a toddler, but AIBU to think some of the blame with badly behaved toddlers does in fact lie with the parent and "terrible twos" in bullshit? Getting my tin hat on!

My 21 month old is a bloody nightmare at times quite frankly. He’s also utterly lovely, just too clever for his own good and very determined to get his own way. You can’t reason with him and you say no he can quite happily scream at you for what feels like hours. AFAIK I’m not actually a shitter parent than many of my friends who have seemingly better behaved toddlers.

It’s scientific that children’s brains have a massive growth spurt around age 2-3 and again around 14 -15 which is probably why teenagers are as frustrating as toddlers and vice versa. They don’t always have the skills to cope with the speed of development.

In my work, the only parents I hear comparing other children’s behaviour are those who believe their own parenting skills are somehow superior.

@maybemaybeII why did you feel the need to come on here and criticise other parents, does it make you feel better about yourself?

There are different personalities with children, some are higher maintenance than others naturally. There are books about spirited children or ‘high needs’ children - the ones who don’t sleep at night hardly etc. The thing is, I don’t think any parent would chose to have a child that is hard work. A lot of it is down to parenting but also some people do have very difficult children and there’s no shame in having a breather. It demonstrates you are aware you’re emotions are getting hard to handle and you are actively doing something to manage that and that’s a great role model in my opinion.
There’s a lot of blame culture on parents who have children who are hard work.
Actually a lot of the time children who tantrum more and are more emotionally expressive do that because they’re so secure in their bond and they don’t feel the need to repress emotions. Hence why many mothers say their toddler is usually far more challenging for them than other people.
There’s no one size fits all and it’s great that you haven’t had it that hard but I disagree that it’s ever 100% down to the way you’ve parented.

2 was a breeze ..... nobody told me how awful 3 was.

@SquidwardTortellini95, don't feel bad. I just read your other thread. We have mega tantrums and following me about whining in this house but we also have very lovely days together. It does get better I'm told so I'll hang in there with you.

I'm lucky that I'm still able to go to work so I have that for my sanity. Do what works for you!!

My older dc was just so mature at 2 everybody used to say what a good job I did and how lucky I am. Then the second dc came along.... Just an absolute tantrum nightmare but so cute I can't stay cross for long.

Lucky you!

There’s nothing like a bragging post about how your parenting and your children are better than everyone else’s to cheer things up on a Saturday morning is there?

You must be such a delight at parent/toddler groups (when they were running!).

By the way, a sample size of 2 (or 3 if we include you to account for your parenting) isn’t statistically significant in any reliable study, so YABU.

How awful that you created this thread in the back of someone else struggling.
You need to have a word with yourself

@lljkk

Can't wait to hear about your theenager, OP.

Especially if the 2.5 year old hits 3 at about the same time as the 16 month old hits the ‘terrible twos’.

Just because you have not experienced it, does not mean it does not exist even for good parents. Not all of mine went through the terrible twos as well so it cannot all be due to parenting. Some of it is the child’s personality.

I was the poster who's ds was hitting me, hitting the dog etc. No that behaviour is not acceptable in our house. At all. But nice try, implying that I'm just letting him go about hitting. It's something I'm very firm on, which in itself can cause drama and tantrums. But the kid is 2, he's learning what is acceptable behaviour and what is not. And the way kids do that is by pushing boundaries and trying stuff, and seeing what happens as a result. Ds is learning that if he hits me or the dog, then there are consequences, but its expecting a lot for him to just curb his impulse control. Which is why discipline needs to be clear and consistent, and applied with a bit of empathy and awareness of childrens capabilities. I've never met a single two year old who has listened, understood, and modified their behaviour after the first time of doing something they shouldn't. It's an ongoing learning process.

OP I can only conclude that by parking your kids in front of the tv so often, you have far too much time on your hands, and have nothing better to do than to deliberately try and wind people up. What a delight you must be in real life.

@SueEllenMishke

How awful that you created this thread in the back of someone else struggling. You need to have a word with yourself

Exactly

It’s really shitty behaviour of @OP

Wow.

I was glad my toddlers had fight in them as they will certainly need it as adults.

Children who feel secure will push boundaries. Obedient kids who want to please everyone worry me.

Actually, as I’m now in my 60s and have seen many children in my village progress through the toddler stage to school and beyond, but the two very hard to manage young children continued to be very difficult at school. This included setting fire to a mattress whilst on a school overseas trip and for the other, repeated refusal to do homework and poor behaviour which resulted in exclusion. They both had lovely sisters who had to put up with a lot.

So I would say continued poor behaviour is something to think about and it certainly doesn’t all stop at a certain age for some children. Poor behaviour occasionally is to be expected but most DC learn and come through it.

Schools report increased difficulties with child behaviour and what is “normal” as described by some posters could be very difficult if this is continuing at 5. Sadly some DC continue to exhibit challenging behaviour for years.

Omg. Unbelievable

Yeah you wrote the same thing against someone who said they were struggling, then you started a new thread to say it again and get more reads. Don’t forget Facebook and Instagram.

Your smugness knows no bounds.

Perhaps your kids are just too dammed petrified to put a foot wrong or try anything.

My toddler is allowed to try things as long as she isnt breaking anything or putting herself or anyone else in harm's way. It's how she learns.

For about 6 months she was allowed to draw on certain walls and now doesnt bother. However she is very creative and loves arts and crafts.

She is allowed to play with soft balls and throw them. At nearly 3 she has a brilliant throwing arm and can catch from a fair distance.

I dont like to stifle my kids and stop them trying or experimenting. This may cause "bad" behaviour when I say no and she doesnt want to hear it but she will learn that it's not possible to do everything unless she wants to end up in prison or worse one day.

Also op... do f* off with your Mary Poppins life

Hi OP, I am also someone lucky enough not to go through the whole terrible twos thing. I’m not being goady towards those who have and I’m sure it’s not down to my parenting skills, it’s just they never did anything like that. Maybe they lacked the imagination I do just think I was lucky though, and I’m hoping it doesn’t run out when they hit their teenage years!

Sometimes I am so grateful that MN wasn't around when I had two children under three. The competitive parenting would have driven me to despair. FWIW, the toddler years were the hardest of the lot in our family. My two are now in their late 20s and seem to have turned out OK in spite of some horrendous behaviour at the age of 2 or 3. I take little credit for this. A lot of it is luck.

I'm not a perfect mum, my toddlers are currently watching Hey Duggee and about to have pain au chocolat's for breakfast (!!) Oh please. This is a stealth boast. Letting your children watch TV or whatever Hey Duggee is is normal behaviour on a Saturday morning. Eating pains au chocolat and croissants is also a perfectly standard thing to do for breakfast, especially at the weekend. Confessing to these as if they are bad things is bound to make some other parents feel bad about themselves, quite unnecessarily. It's like those awful threads where a person with an obvious eating disorder 'admits' to occasionally having half a slice of bread.

I’m not really sure why you felt the need to come on and say how wonderful you and your children are. What exactly were you hoping to get from the post? I think every parent has a stage they find easier or harder and every child will have points when they are difficult.

For me, I’ve hated the newborn stage, found the baby stage at 4-8m utter bliss and enjoy the early toddler stage. My eldest was a dream at 2. She maybe had 3 tantrums and she used to put herself in yoga poses to calm herself down. At 3 she is was angel for others and a shedevil for me. Lots of emotion, lots of pushing back, lots of tears and shouting. Your children are still very young and you might look back at this post in a year and realise you were a bit of an arse.

Lol I used to be this much of an arsehole. Then DD2 was born 😂😂

Drawing on walls, pouring bags of flour on the floor and such is not 'bad behaviour', it is toddlers experimenting, exploring and pushing boundaries. You think children spend their childhood doing what they are told? If only!! I wouldn't get too complacent just yet. Come back in 10 years and let us know if teenage challenges are all bullshit too and it's just the parents who are crap.

I think the OPs tin hat isn't holding up well