There is no such thing as "the terrible twos"?

[maybemaybeII]

Not a TAAT but there is an active thread about how parenting a toddler is hard and many parents leave their child in the cot and just walk out for 5minutes to get a breather because they can't cope.

I have two toddlers of different ages, very close age gap, but have never yelled at them or put them in "time out", or felt the need to walk away from them because they're misbehaving and driving me crazy. They've never drawn on the walls, or poured a packet of flour on the flour, or gone in to my makeup bag and destroyed my lipstick.. all the stuff you see on Instagram from time to time with a caption "toddlers are dicks/arseholes".

I'm not a perfect mum, my toddlers are currently watching Hey Duggee and about to have pain au chocolat's for breakfast (!!), and yes it is absolutely exhausting having a toddler, but AIBU to think some of the blame with badly behaved toddlers does in fact lie with the parent and "terrible twos" in bullshit? Getting my tin hat on!

I had three who loved being toddlers and one who hated it.

One who loved being a baby and three who hated it.

Ditto with the teenage years.

Some people are best in middle age. Some have a total wreck in middle age.

Some are born to be cool old folk. Others hate being old.

We are all different and that's all I have learnt from having plenty dc.

Parenting is only a small part of who we are.

Luckily we also have genetics, epigenetics, environment, economies and dare I say pandemics to blame for our inadequacies.

ODFOD.

My 2 and a half year old son is awful, all the 'bad' behaviour you described OP. Its's pretty much constant too.

I discipline him consistently, get up and stop him every single time he does something naughty etc. Doesn't make one single jot of difference.

He doesn't speak however and we suspect potential autism and are in the process with this, so this is probably responsible for some of his behaviour but not all of it!

So if you are convinced it's all down to parenting OP what do you suggest is left for me to try? Unless you are implying I should whack the naughty out of my child? Because I already do the other forms of discipline.

I did read the 'How to talk...' series of books which did work magic on our dcs at times. They are really easy to read and have memorable cartoons. Our dcs read them too as they got older as they are handy for adult life communication crosswires.

By Elaine somebody if anyone is interested.

Actually I know plenty of children who haven’t caused a moments worry to anyone. It seems they were always perfect. It’s not a given every child has a difficult stage. I have known Cambridge/Oxford bound ones who did seem perfect at every age. These dc do exist. I have also met very difficult DC who have also attained a stellar education too but cling onto school by the seat of their pants. So close to being excluded.

Surely it’s important to realise DC are different. Some DC do comply and don’t experiment with pens and flour. They can still be ultra bright though.

What a load of old bollocks. Goady fuckery of the first order.

Pushing boundaries/ having opinions/ preferences etc are all part of normal toddler development. Perhaps yours haven't reached that stage yet- every child is different. Perhaps your dc are mellow/ easy going children by nature or perhaps you do everything for them and they never get a chance to be challenged or to think about things differently. I would say wait for a year when they both start having strong opinions and see how that plays out.

I don’t think all DC do have string opinions. Some are sponges and do conform to parental expectation.

i read somewhere (long time ago) that if you child i terrible twos,3's, 4s etc then when it comes to teenage age they are much calmer and not as bad, but when its the other way round calm toddler the teenage stage is awful.
If it's true I have no clue. I am just hoping it is as mine had terrible tantrums at the age 2 and 3.

My twins are 3 now. They didn't really do the terrible 2 thing, but are definitely harder work at 3! They test the boundaries a whole lot more and are a lot more argumentative!

I found age 1 the hardest personally.

But I’m not quite sure what the point of this thread is.

My son is 4 now and I haven't noticed any age in particular being exceptionally hard. I'm not sure it is helpful to say to the op "just wait til 3/4/teenage years etc" as her kids may still be easy then and she will feel even smugger!!

My son is easy right now but that has nothing to do with anything I've done, it is just what he's like.

I also didn't experience terrible twos - mine are 31 and 33 now and we didn't have pain au chocolat or wall to wall TV in those days. It was (bloody) Thomas the Tank Engine on VHS, round and round, or nothing. So I beat you, OP (I wouldn't've given a 16 month old pain au chocolate in any case...).

I was just lucky. It wasn't anything to do with my parenting, I was just lucky.

So do you only believe things are true that you’ve experienced yourself? My child has never run away from home but I believe (know!) that other children do.

Pride comes before a fall OP

Oh do piss off.

Children are all different, just because you aren't finding yours hard (at the moment....) doesn't mean you are some kind of mothering expert.

OP I was you about 14yrs ago, with a dream of baby (and even now, a dream of a teenager) thought I was great! I had it all sorted, such a great (smug) parent telling everyone they just needed to do it my way, and they'd be fine. Never a tantrum. Chose fruit over sweets. Ate a great diet. Always listened when I said no.

Then dd2 came along. She knocked the smug out of me pretty damn fast, I will tell you! She was parented the exact same as her older sister but it didn't work. She didn't sleep after a yr, and I had to lie with her almost every night to get her to sleep FOR YEARS. She wasn't up and about, she just couldn't relax and switch off. She'd wake at 4am and come into our bed FOR YEARS. She would throw almighty "tantrums", her life had to adhere to strict routines (dd1 was so portable, and flexible, weekends away at the drop of a hat etc) and she didn't sleep for more then 5hrs a night. She would hit her head on a wall when upset, claw at her skin until it bled, pulled her hair... She has never hit any one of us. She changed our lives dramatically!

She never drew on walls, played with make up etc. But unless watched like a hawk, she would put non edible items in her mouth (A&E twice for that one), she would climb (OOH dr for smashing her face on a desk), she refused to get dressed, wear shoes, she refuses to eat anything that she has not chosen for meals.

She is autistic. She is amazing, caring, smart, courageous but until she was diagnosed (at 9) I felt like she was my revenge for being smug. She can be very demanding and very high maintenance.

The point of this is that it is NOT always what you do as a parent, a lot of it is down to your child's personality. Dd2 isn't my "revenge" for being smug, but I look back and realise that I was so fucking convinced I had it all made, and that I was better than everyone else, but I just had a placid first born.

So no, the "terrible twos" are not bullshit. Stop trying to make those who have different children to you feel like they are doing it all wrong. That old saying "you have no idea what battles people are facing" line comes to mind.

Be kind. You might be on here one day asking for help, and kids can change over night!!

It’s just so pathetic to imply it’s down to parenting- my baby never cried as a newborn really, just fed all the time. I never considered myself a superior parent, every stage is pot luck

And BTW even though i have an easy child I have still found parenting insanely hard.

I found 3-5 much harder than 0-3. In fact 0-3 was a breeze as I had an easy baby. But a very independent threenager.

She didn't do anything crazy like destroy the place but there were definitely times when she found her sense of self - and I did occasionally need five minutes way from that.

What I don't get is why you have a need to tear other parents down? Some babes are high needs, some aren't. Its usually nothing to do with parents, but the baby's personality and their needs. I just don't get why you'd take issue with other parents struggles.

Also don't count your chickens before they hatch!

@maybemaybeII you do realise you’ve now ‘tempted fate’. Good luck when you have a threenager, now they can be serious arseholes! And it’s fun around 6-7 when they decide they’re grown enough to rule the world and you know nothing, oh and when your double dose of teenage angst kicks in and they scheme together behind your back and hate you equally. You’ve tempted your fate so enjoy

Well done you, have a gold star

I’ve just found OP’s response on the toddler thread. My already low opinion of her just plummeted further.

You need to take a long hard look at yourself, OP, because if your children are brought up by someone so judgmental I fear for their emotional well-being in later life.

What a bizarre thread. Honestly, when kids are so young very little is actually down to your actual parenting. It's mostly temperament-based. I have a 16mo who is incredibly easy and laid back. My friend has a DC the same age who is the opposite. My parenting is definitely not any better than hers. Probably a bit worse tbh