There is no such thing as "the terrible twos"?

[maybemaybeII]

Not a TAAT but there is an active thread about how parenting a toddler is hard and many parents leave their child in the cot and just walk out for 5minutes to get a breather because they can't cope.

I have two toddlers of different ages, very close age gap, but have never yelled at them or put them in "time out", or felt the need to walk away from them because they're misbehaving and driving me crazy. They've never drawn on the walls, or poured a packet of flour on the flour, or gone in to my makeup bag and destroyed my lipstick.. all the stuff you see on Instagram from time to time with a caption "toddlers are dicks/arseholes".

I'm not a perfect mum, my toddlers are currently watching Hey Duggee and about to have pain au chocolat's for breakfast (!!), and yes it is absolutely exhausting having a toddler, but AIBU to think some of the blame with badly behaved toddlers does in fact lie with the parent and "terrible twos" in bullshit? Getting my tin hat on!

Utter bollocks.

If you let them watch unlimited TV and chose what junk they want to eat all the time, you don't tend to get tantrums and if they're comatose in front of the TV they don't draw on walls either.

@Persipan

Quite apart from everything else, that isn't how you pluralise pain au chocolat.

@Persipan I think I love you.

Nah two is easy, they are so lovely at that age, just wait till 4, or 14! 😅

My kids have never done all of that stuff either OP. But they were still seriously hard work!

The tantrums and complaining when they didn't get their own way. My youngest was worst. Moaning and complaining about everything. Having an absolute melt down every single day at 3pm when I had to pick his brother up from school and then get out to work. Looking back now I can see why he was having a tantrum.

I was also working evenings after being home all day and was living off five hours sleep a night for the better part of three years. I also looking back didn't have the patience either.

My first dd was a dream (still pretty much is). Hated doing anything “wrong”, content to play educational games, never boisterous.

My second is a bloody nightmare at times. In the last week has cut her dolls hair and written her name on her chair. I parent them the same.

It’s partly just luck what you get!

Squidward, you did exactly the right thing.

My own view is that the difficult toddlers are the ones with strong characters which will stand them in good stead in the future. The “easy” toddlers I’ve come across seem to turn into bland, humourless kids.

Just keep chanting “this too will pass”..!

@maybemaybeII don't be so smug!
I have 2DC ... DC1 I am still waiting for the terrible two's or three's or four's or whatevers! She is now 16 and I am waiting for the terrible teenage years! OK the feathers were ruffled around 9/10 in the pre teen years. But nothing major upsetting or difficult.

Now DC2 we had terrible 2-4 and we are at the pre teen drama stage, which is not too bad by comparison to the toddler tantrums. We will see what post 13 looks like in a few years.
Both DC are brought up pretty much the same ... but have very different personalities. But most importantly, I love my kids, I really don't want then to be any different... going off and eating my words

The only parents I know with a placid toddler was either one of two things. In one case the child was shit scared of the mother, terrifed and very meek and mild -at the age of 22 has NO contact with her mother at all.
The other -well she is 17 now and a hell raiser -she's beyond off the rails.

Good luck!

That's great for you OP genuinely I wish a lot of other mums had that experience. But I feel this post is not helpful at all to anyone it's great for you but some poor mums out there are dealing with the constant tantruming and crying and clingyness which is ten times worse due to this awful pandemic.
And they need to know its OK to feel angry and its OK to put your kid in a space which is safe while you go and scream 0r punch a pillow or whatever you need to do. No body prepared me for the anger I would feel sometimes having a child especially at this one cry I heard. It wasn't until I looked in to it I realised babies have certain cries that are supposed to irritate you until you meet their demands. But I walked around sometimes in them earlier days thinking I need to be sectioned I'm a horrible mum. I must have something wrong with me. But it's normal not everything is sunshine and fucking rainbows with baby's and toddlers and its about time we spoke about that openly. Even the terrible twos is mostly met with an eye roll. What some parents want to say is my kid made my life fucking unbareable today but when I put them into bed and saw there gorgeous little peaceful face my brain did a reset and looking forward to spending time with them tomorrow.

My kid was a dream until 3...

May you have a double dose of Threenager.

Mine are 2 and 4. Although they both have their moments, they are both lovely children and generally well behaved and always have been. I guess this means they are all like that. It's a good job all children are the same.

My children were easier as babies and toddlers. But once they turned 3, and entered proper childhood rather than being a baby and toddler, they were more trying. 3-5 years is probably the hardest imo.

My DS was fine until he hit 3! Then we had temper tantrums, prolific use of the word 'no' and doing pretty much everything we told him not to!

He is 4 now and has settled down mostly

• although he has his days.

I'm not a shouter either - we talk about his behaviour when he has calmed down. Doesn't mean he won't do it again in an hour.

I just assume all children are different

Defiance and pushing boundaries is a normal part of child development- of course it’s not ‘bullshit’.
My toddler was quite tricky at 1 and a half - he’s been much easier since he turned two but I could always guarantee he would sit still and quiet through an episode of Hey Duggee from about the age of 12 months, so don’t pat yourself on the back too much.
And never speak to soon - your DC’s might be saving up their anger for their teenage years.

I've got 4, all grown up. I was a very smug mother with first, angel child no tantrums following a fantastic birth. Then I had 2, I had flu when he was delivered, I was pretty out of it and delirious, he was wonderful for 6 months and then wouldn't sleep, he was a fussy eater, very active, naughtiest toddler you've ever met, very bright. Then number 3, horrible delivery non stop feeding issues, total angel in every other way. The final one was the fastest delivery, never a problem with feeding, temper tantrums like you've never seen, never out of trouble with breaking bones as he was constantly jumping off things.

No 1 was generally the easiest until we got to teens and then he became the problem.

Was I wonderful or awful as a mother or maybe my children all had their own personalities and the bullshit is all yours.

The terrible twos are not part of your experience and therefore don't exist?

This seems a somewhat solipsistic view of the universe!

All parents find different stages hard! Terrible twos didn’t exist in my house (that’s my favourite stage) but the fucking fours are real!!!

@Wereeaglesdare Thank you, OP is clearly referring to a thread I made about how I sometimes have to put my 17 month old in a safe place and take a breather as she sometimes really really tests my patience. I already felt bad enough about doing it, so you can imagine how I felt discovering this thread

They're all totally different. Never had any tantrums with DS2, but he's the most stubborn child I've ever met, so we have issues there.

DS1 I did have to drag out of the middle of the road, or just hold onto tight (whilst trying to avoid being hit) a few times when he was 2 or 3, but as soon as he was past whatever stage that was, he became the most easy going, reasonable child of my acquaintance (and thank god for that good influence on DS2!)

Getting genuinely terrified by the number of people saying it got worse at age 3....

I think you really are missing a point. Some toddlers are great, but you don't know what kind of teenager they turn into. Just because you have had it easy, saying "there's no such thing as the terrible two", it just shows your have no understanding there are difference in every children and sound very goady and shallow.

None of mine, I have 4, were particularly difficult at 2. There’s a one year age gap between the younger two. None have ever had Any sort Of tantrum. However the youngest was horrible from 3 until 4. Very wilful and stubborn. He was a shock as the others were all pretty laid back. Im not a “nice” mum, I shout, a lot! He’s still the same now and he’s a teenager.