Am I the only person who doesn't know any trans people?

[LaureBerthaud]

Non goady question.

I don't know any, work with any or come across any trans people. Now it could be that they've done such a good job of transitioning that I don't notice, but where are they?

I think I met one once while walking in the park. We had a lovely chat together and strolled along. I’d love to me them again. Other than that, No, but I would love to expand my social circle to include more diversity. I just don’t really get out there much anymore.

I know two adults, who have no time for all the misogynist TWAW bullshit and are normal people.

Two friends who work in secondary schools are seeing it ballooning in teens, especially girls.

Within their circles, it's the way to escape misogynistic harrassment from boys. Go figure!

You just have to hope that the detransitioning backlash happens soon enough for none of them to get caught up in the medical stuff.

I’ve come across 2 teenagers. But I’m a teachers, so I come across thousands of teenagers! I don’t think I’ve ever come across a trans adult other than sometimes seeing someone on the tube.

They are a small minority. There are plenty of small minorities that I don’t happen to know anyone from. I also imagine that they are more likely to associate with each other (like many minorities), so you wouldn’t expect to know as many as if your friends were randomly picked from ten population.

In my social circle where I used to live, I knew a trans man. He passed very well but was absolutely open about being born a woman, was glad not to have periods any more etc.

I also know a middle aged MtF who is very much caught up in being a pretty girl, sparkly outfits. etc. Wife is standing by this person, who sadly doesn’t pass at all and most likely never will. Full on indignant TRA.

A friend‘s partner is NB but very obviously a bloke who likes dressing up flamboyantly and wearing makeup etc. Pleasant enough to talk to but rather insistent about pronouns.

In this particular person's case it seems like it's an attempt to escape what they feel to be oppressive female gender expectations

My 17 year old son has a good female friend from school who got very depressed as she felt that she wasn't a proper girl - she was tall, athletic build and didn't meet the stereotype of small, big boobs, long hair type of girl that the boys appeared to go for. She definitely thought for a while that she was supposed to be male and started looking into transitioning but luckily her parents were sensible and got her some counselling. We moved away for the last year, but she is now much happier as a female.

Im just starting to have these conversations with my 13 year old daughter and it's depressing to hear how much crap she has assimilated about how girls should look and act. She also doesn't conform to the stereotypes and told me the other night that because she wasn't pretty (ffs she is) and wasn't slim (again she is) and a bit socially awkward (the whole family are!) she doesn't think that she will ever get a boyfriend.

My son is also socially awkward (think they are both a bit on the spectrum - their uncle certainly is) and looks quite feminine. Some of the twats in his old school used to cal, him a girl or gay. He is, luckily, pretty secure in himself and his sexuality so largely ignored their comments, but it could have been very different.

So just a long winded way of saying that gender stereotypes don't help young people who look and act a bit differently and that makes them vulnerable.

I have 2 dds11 and 16 in ( girls) schools and neither of them know any transpeople. My older dd has a college friend who is a transwoman, she considers her female as far as i know. Someone in my extended family is trans, they are mid 20s, a lovely gentle, kind person, in real life i use she and use their new name, but i don't believe they can truly change sex. The parents are supportive, but definitely didn't actively encourage transition, they would have preferred a gay son to a trans daughter. She (i will use she as i do irl)is lucky that she is not tall and is very slight and not masculine looking so its likely she will pass. She is on hormones and is saving for surgery. I hope she doesn't end up going for surgery it is so barbaric. She is just the sort of transwoman that people wouldn't object to in female spaces, she is unobtrusive, quiet, and very non threatening. It is very sad imo.

It’s also possible that some posters have met trans people and simply not known they were trans. I know it’s the done thing to say ‘I can always tell’, but of course - how would you ever know?

You can. I was in a city that is known for providing medical treatment for trans people.

I was aware of trans people - not what they wore or even how they looked - but how they moved and spoke. A second look would confirm. But there was always something that would tell. Mostly middle aged men dressed like my mum.

No, you're not. I don't know of any trans people either within my social circle, which does include people from all walks of life.

I've met several, know one personally and have a historic connection with a transman from school (mutual friend still friends with them).

None of them are TRAs, to my knowledge.

The only TRAs I've come across have been online. The people I've met are just wanting to live their lives quietly and unobtrusively.

@BanginChoons I have something to say so I will say it
Your child, like the young boy I know, is concealing their sex, though it is of course obvious to everyone. It will be obvious to abusers. Read the accounts of abuse of young transmen by older transwomen.
Also, rather like a child who is convinced their divorced parents will get back together, that they will never want to have sex or they will never want to have children - reality as a child sees it needs facing up to at some point.
Your child needs to face up to the (possibly unpalatable) fact that they are female and that their life will continue as if they are female whether they like it or not.
No amount of policing people's language will change that.

No I don't know any trans people, but I don't know very many people at all.
One of my sons was quite gender non conforming (at least inside our home) up until the age of twelve or so, but he said he was happy being a boy.

About 15 years ago worked with a transwoman who went through transition in her late 40s/50s whilst working in the team so we knew her as him and throughout the transition process. I remember it clearly as I work in a fairly conservative environment and the bosses found it new territory to navigate - they tried to do it openly and sensitivity though and by all accounts she felt well supported.

DH has a close family member who is m2f and transitioned around 40. Came somewhat out of the blue and was awful in terms of fall out with kids/ex wife/parents.

DH has always been fine with it and our kids happily switched from uncle to auntie without a second thought but she and dh have never been close - dh's view is that whatever gender this person is always a bit of an arsehole! But he's there for her when she needs him.

I'm not sure if he under the moniker of a Trans woman or not. However, there is a man in the town I live in who wears dresses, heavy make up and lots of jewellery sometimes. It may be just that likes dressing like that or maybe he is 'presenting as a woman'. He is inclined to just yell out (very deep male voice) sometimes and gets in your space. I've never seen him get in the space of a man, just women. He is a big guy. Over 6 feet and burly to boot. There may be a few things going on there.

I think it can be difficult to pick out women going under the moniker of a Trans man if hormones aren't being taken. Many women have short hair and wear just normal everyday jeans/jackets/shirts/t-shirts. If it is about how you dress.

My old boss had a friend who was going through the process of m2f medicalisation. This would have been in the 1990s.

Very unhappy person, very demanding, unhappy and tricky. Committed suicide after the procedures had been completed.

I think it’s relatively rare. My parents have a friend who is trans, I’ve met her a few times. She is unassuming and nothing like the trans described on a lot of these threads. I feel sorry that she’s swept up with the same lot who are shouting loudly.

I agree that women’s spaces need to be protected. I don’t know her views on this.

I struggled as a teen. I was a massive tomboy, I have naturally very girly features so it was a contrast to how I felt. All my friends were boys, we hung out and did typically “boy mate” activities. I related more to my male peers but I was also attracted to men more, my deepest connections were with men.
It was thoroughly confusing. I’m now happy that I’m a straight female who is just a massive tomboy, I also enjoy some more feminine things now, I’ll actually wear a dress and makeup sometimes! The idea that femininity is such a fixed concept is quite damaging. I honestly thought there was something wrong with me.

[quote ACNH]@GreytExpectations taking offence to something is different to an ‘undertone of hate’ though.[/quote]
No, it's is offensive to refer to the trans community in the way they re referred in here and other threads. Same way saying something racist is offensive. Just because you think it's OK doesn't mean it isn't a hateful comment.

@Youcunnyfunt - me too on the teen thing! I didn't get on with girls that well, especially girly girls. I used to wonder what it would be like to be a boy. I had no interest in girly things. But am definitely straight and capable of dressing up "nicely" when I want to (not often).

I know none..

What exactly is the trans community? Who does it cover?

I know a few. One who's particularly close to me. When I found out he was transitioning to she I was very supportive and actually felt it was quite cool to have a trans friend. Beforehand I'd always have parroted TWAW.

Being close to the reality was what peak transed me. Everyone around this person is having counselling, the wife, kids, parents, friends. It's been absolutely awful.

I know 3 adults (two m to f, one f to m). All have had surgery. One is in her 60s and had got married and had a family when in her 20s. She transitioned in her early 50s. A tough journey.

I work with young people and know 10 under 17 at the moment.
9/10 are f to m and all are known by their chosen name.
Apart from one who is a bit ‘me me me’ the others all quietly assumed their chosen identity and got on with it. I do believe that society finds it easier to accept a f to m transition at a younger age.

I am from a bog standard northern community now working in Wales. People living their lives as they choose is fab. What isn't fab is all the pro/anti nonsense that goes on. The trans adults I know hate it and just want to get on with their lives.

@GreytExpectations If you find something offensive is is not hate

I could find something you say offensive it does not mean you hate the thing you have offended me about.

taking offence to something is different to an ‘undertone of hate’ though

What a ridiculous statement. Someone could go over to the feminist board and say the same thing about the things they are offended by. Bet you wouldn’t be thinking of it that way then!

@SecretSpAD

I agree.

I questioned my gender in my early to mid 20s simply because I didn't "feel" what I thought I was supposed to feel. It was a miserable time for me and I think a lot of kids are caught up in wanting to be accepting (which is good), that when they rightly question the bullshit gender expectations of society, they could wrongly come to the conclusion that they need to transition.

I became a lot happier when I stopped believing in gender, and stopped thinking about how I was supposed to feel or act.

I don't want any trans or questioning people to feel like I hold any ill will towards them, because I don't.