Wtf am I meant to do about this?

[doorjambjam]

Well I know I'm not being unreasonable, but posting for traffic I guess.

I'm due to give birth any day now. I'm 39 weeks plus. Got a DD aged 6. My DP has a history of heavy drinking and we've had a lot of trouble regarding this in the past but I thought we were passed it all. DP has been drinking heavily for weeks now (approx 25 units a night, 4-5 nights a week). We've had a huge argument about it lately and she called me controlling and selfish for me wanting her to stop.

Her adult DD is staying with us due to lockdown, and the pair of them are drinking yet again. They'll be up until about 4am probably, then knackered tomorrow, DP will sleep until early afternoon. DP is meant to be my birth partner, DSD is meant to be looking after my DD when I'm in hospital. I have no alternative childcsre for this, as my family are 300 miles away and DP's family are working all kinds of shifts in health care, both households have a member working with covid patients and I can't risk DD staying with them and bringing covid home to the baby. Also, she's never stayed there before and both houses have dogs she's scared of.

I'm clearly going to go into labour at some point in the next 2/3 weeks and neither DP nor DSD seem to think they will need to stay sober to deal with this. Tbh, I'll happily go into hospital and birth alone, as I'm so fed up with DP that I don't think our relationship is going to survive this. But I'm worried about leaving DD, if I end up going into labour when they're both pissed.

Like I say, when I suggested quitting the drink, I just got called controlling. I know in the long run I need to leave. I'm just worried about the giving birth bit.

Please first speak to your midwife who can put a plan in place for your labour and help point you in the direction of the correct services.

She might also give you the push you need to contact your family.

If you were my sister/mother/niece I would move heaven and earth to come get your

Is it your house? If it's not and you have family you can stay with I'd just pack up and leave. Take your notes and inform your midwife why you're going, you can give birth in a different hospital. There is clearly no future in the relationship so leaving now would be easier in a lot of ways than leaving once your baby is here.
Women's Aid or a similar charity can help, particularly around your rights if the house is yours/shared ownership or lease.

Excellent advice from ProfessorSillyStuff. Your partner needs to be gone now or at least before the baby arrives, you cannot have the stress of drunks around when you are coping with a new baby, recovering from the birth and caring for your daughter. It will be tough on your own but better than having them around you and your children. The behaviour shows complete lack of commitment, it is selfish to the extreme as well as detrimental to you and your children. Good luck, I hope you get something sorted.

Op what is the legal situation regarding your existing house?

And does your partner have any legal links to either children?

If you can up sticks and move I'd do it. 300miles isn't beyond possible. Don't mean to be cheeky, but a short friend couldn't actually fit behind the wheel that far on, do you still fit?

Your on mat leave so it doesn't actually matter were you are for work. Homeschooling can happen anywhere.

You can sort out school and look for a new job later.

You''re not going to manage to guilt trip them into anything, sadly.

THe best thing you can do, if you can't travel (and I totally get that) is to either ask family to come and fetch your DD for a stay at their house, or to arrange with a school friend's family to look after her at short notice while you're in hospital.

You can NOT hope that your partner or her DD are going to behave - because they're not. Your partner at least sounds like an alcoholic and is therefore completely untrustworthy in that respect; and it doesn't sound like her DD is much better.

Do you know any of your DD's friends' parents? That s going to be your best bet if you don't want your DD away from you for any length of time - although, in all honesty, she'd probably be better off out of the alcoholic atmosphere that you're in at the moment, and you'd have an excuse to travel to your family with your new baby to see your DD and for her to see her new sibling - then you don't have to come back.

How awful op. I wouldn't get social services involved personally. I also wouldn't want a stranger watching over my DD while I gave birth. I would want your partner gone asap though, before you give birth. Get your family involved. I know they're miles away but wont they want to help you?

I really think you need to speak to your family and see if they can help.
Do you both own your house?

Get two, or three, driving members of your family to drive to meet you somewhere. You set off with DD, and when you meet up, one of the drivers drivers your car back the rest of the way (other driver drives their car back, or if there were three of them they can swap too so the second leg is all fresh drivers).

But whatever you do, you need to leave with DD.

These people are not going to suddenly stop drinking and become reasonable humans. They are not going to willingly and quietly leave. And involving the police will just escalate things and make it far harder for you at this stage.

Agree with other PP's you need to get them out. If you asked your family do you think they would mind? I know if I was asked I certainly wouldn't mind sleeping on an air bed/floor for 3 weeks to keep DC safe.

Wow op. Your DP should just be referred to as a P. Nothing dear about her at all. She also sounds like an alcoholic. And her daughter sounds horrible too. I feel so sad for you.

Pack up and go to your family. Ask if they can help - if you were my family I'd drive to pick you up. Get a quote from a taxi firm maybe - some will do long distances. It's not just the birth, you could be in hospital for a few days - who knows - and your daughter needs competent care.

Yes speak to your family and friends. Ideally get them out.

If you really can’t straight way. Ring fence yourself in the house, emotionally, and get a plan under way to get them out soon or move house.

Ask local friends, neighbours, friends of your daughters if they will look after her, and explain she can't be at home with out of control alcoholics.

I would ask them for a definite plan, then you can explain it to DD and prepare her; and when she's safely in their care you can focus on your labour and new baby without worrying about what's going on at home.

Good luck.

If you get the midwife and SS involved now there might be a chance for a foster career to meet your daughter now so both of you have met her and it would be better for your daughter. A Social Worker will not take care of her during the birth they will arrange for emergency foster care. Better to try to arrange it now so you might be able to meet them.

If your D? P has her own house/ flat I would tell them to go now. This is a toxic environment for your DD and adding stress to you. You would be putting your baby in danger if they are still there when you go home. What if they picked up the baby and moving around drunk dropped the baby or were violent towards it which could end in tragedy I know of a case where this happened. Put yourself and your children first if you can’t remove them then you need to remove your family either to family or a refuge.

What’s the situation with your housing....who’s name is it in?
This is a very unhealthy environment for your six year old, let alone a newborn so I’d be taking advice from women’s aid.

If I was your friend or family member I would be quite happy to stay with you until you went into labour and stay with your daughter when you were in hospital and after it too and help you also with the baby. I honestly wouldn't bring a new baby into this situation around constant drinking. What if something happened to either of your children as a result of them being drunk, you risk losing both of your children.

You also don't want to go into the hospital worrying about your other child, that's too stressful.

Oh love, you don't need this stress. You need to pull on all the other people in your life. Tell everyone you need to. Let them help you come up with solutions. Would anyone in dps family be able to give her an ultimatum? Were you planning to parent together? Will she have access to the baby? Tell your midwife, health visitor, everyone.

@doorjambjam
In your situation I'd move out now to family. Dp Cannot prioritise baby let's lone your child, so they're a safeguarding risk. You need to protect both and yourself.

Social services would expect you to utilise your own support system. Not having any rooms would not be a good reason to put DD in foster care over leaving her with family. The same as not wanting to travel. You would be expected to do these options. A social worker would not be assigned to look after your DD.

-landlord and the court would've supported it.

Oops..

I would honestly pack a bag and take your daughter on a train if necessary to stay with relatives. Have your baby away from this toxic madness. It will be harder after the birth.