I need to dump him (Offensive word warning)

[OntheWaves40]

Been seeing someone 12 months. Nice, down to earth, guy or so I thought.
Today, in reply to “what have you been up to” (I don’t even want to repeat it it’s that bad) he said “nothing much, just been monging out in front of the telly”.
I’m so mad at myself, I didn’t react, I just thought wtf did he just say that, is there a different meaning that I’ve totally never heard of etc. I’ve got home and realising there is no excuse, I know what I have to do I’m just bloody gutted that he turned out to be so vile.

I cringe when people say “I’m a bit anal.” It’s a horrible phrase and I’m sure many use it and don’t understand its meaning.

www.google.co.uk/amp/s/www.psychologytoday.com/gb/blog/psychoanalysis-unplugged/201904/why-am-i-so-anal%3famp
In case anyone doesn’t know. I really don’t want to be thinking about people’s anuses in the middle of conversation thanks.

Oh Martha, don't be so bloody silly. As I've said upthread, no I don't believe ableist language is ok, I knew growing up that 'paki,' for example, is offensive but not about 'spaz.' As I've already said, I wouldn't use those words now, because I know now. It's clear from this thread that less people are aware that the word 'mong' is ableist...

Can't believe my post pointing out that people get more upset on here by racial slurs (and rightfully bloody so BTW not that that should need pointing out!) but turn a blind eye to slurs against people with disabilities has been deleted. Wow 🤦🏽‍♀️

Yet this whole thread where people say it is not big deal and overreacting to call use terms like monging still stands. Couldn't make it up 😂😂

@millicentmartha hits the nail on the head 🤛🏽👏🏽👏🏽

@Soonbechrimbo

Can't believe my post pointing out that people get more upset on here by racial slurs (and rightfully bloody so BTW not that that should need pointing out!) but turn a blind eye to slurs against people with disabilities has been deleted. Wow 🤦🏽‍♀️

Yet this whole thread where people say it is not big deal and overreacting to call use terms like monging still stands. Couldn't make it up 😂😂

I agree. I'd like to know the reasons for that.

millicentmartha 👋👋

millicentmartha Sorry!! It was meant to be 👏👏 of course

"Is everyone supposed to look up every word they ever say in case it's offensive? If he doesn't know the background of the word, which seems highly likely given the responses here, how would he know he should be educating himself? You don't know what you don't know."

Obviously not every word, but maybe rather than just join in with using a word that everyone else is using you could look it up?

Idk, it seems from here that it's a word that some adults regularly use without knowing the connotations.

I suppose to me it's a word that you might use as a teen & then not as an adult?

@Soonbechrimbo just for the record, I didn't report your post and don't see why it was deleted.

I agree with Martha but I really didn't want to have to read those words in her post.

diddl, I agree and there are a couple of ableist words which I know are offensive because I read it on here. Such words were not really in my vocabulary anyway but I'm sure i used language in my teens that I wouldn't dream of using now.

Oh Martha, don't be so bloody silly. As I've said upthread, no I don't believe ableist language is ok, I knew growing up that 'paki,' for example, is offensive but not about 'spaz

I don't believe anyone who says with faux naivety that they knew P was offensive but not s.

I'm old enough to have lived in a time when Spastic and Spastic Society for the charity now called Scope were acceptable terms. Even then it was blindly obvious that s* was derogatory and insulting.

Calling someone with Down’s syndrome a mongol is old fashioned, calling them a mong has always been rude. Using monging out to mean being spaced out etc is horrible. I don’t understand why people are defending it. Once you know the derivation, surely you stop using it?

It's considerably more than "old fashioned"

Yes, @DidoLamenting you’re right. Mongoloid was medical terminology at one point and my parents for instance, used it without meaning any offence, which is what I meant by old fashioned. They would also say ‘coloured’ as they saw it as polite and were horrified that people used black. They are dead now so this was in the 1970s.

I don't know how old you both are, but mongol hasn't been used to describe people with Downs for many many years, he may not realise the connotation / reference.

Well Dido, I was a primary school aged child who thought 'spaz' was another word for 'idiot,' no reason for me to lie about it.

Not going to lie. Hear this quite a lot round certain parts. I didn't know of the connotations, not sure anyone else I know would know either.

I’m sorry I used those words in my post, @Notredamn but I think people sometimes need to be shocked into seeing the clear comparisons between racist and ableist terminology. No one would think using a derogatory term for someone affected by thalidomide was acceptable to insult someone able, so why is using one for someone with Down’s syndrome ok?

Well Dido, I was a primary school aged child who thought 'spaz' was another word for 'idiot,' no reason for me to lie about it

You clearly didn't apply any brain power then. I'm 61. Even at school in the 60s and 70s it was obvious it was far more nasty than just a synonym for idiot. Same with mong - Mongol if used with reference to a person with Down's Syndrome would not have been used maliciously "mong" clearly was.

Yabu and get a grip

Where I'm from that would mean chilling in front of the tv watching crap .

No biggie and defo not a dumpable offence

Ok Dido, well I'm not going to beat my 8yo self up, people learn as they grow. 🙄

don't know how old you both are, but mongol hasn't been used to describe people with Downs for many many years, he may not realise the connotation / reference

I'm 61- my recollection is Down's Syndrome was the replacement acceptable term from early 70s? Although still referring to Mongol was likely to be a lack of knowledge rather than malevolence.

Mong and spaz were always malevolent.

I think some people use terms they grew up with without realising where they came from and what they actually mean. This might include words to describe disabled people (my daughter was often referred to as 'backwards' - I hate that word), racist terms (although you would imagine everyone would know what the terms mean now but some of the less used ones have awful meanings) and words to describe homosexual/lesbian/trans etc.

Those people need education. If after educating he still uses it then he is not worth the effort but perhaps he genuinely doesn't know the offensive usage of the word (unusual but giving the benefit of the doubt here).

Well I knew about Mongoloid which like Spastic & Retarded was an official term. Then of course they got hijacked by kids but I hadn't heard the shortened version of it and so hadn't put the two together. There must be people who heard the short versions but didn't know the long version/relationship.
Whatever words you use to describe a physical or mental disability will eventually end up in some playground, somewhere. Kids are little shits really.

Lol for the lady whose 70 year old dad got 'torn a new one' (OMG is that birth-ist referring to the perineum?) by a nurse for using half cast. He should have listed to his daughter!

Where I'm from that would mean chilling in front of the tv watching crap

Well I'm glad I'm not from wherever you come from.