I need to dump him (Offensive word warning)

[OntheWaves40]

Been seeing someone 12 months. Nice, down to earth, guy or so I thought.
Today, in reply to “what have you been up to” (I don’t even want to repeat it it’s that bad) he said “nothing much, just been monging out in front of the telly”.
I’m so mad at myself, I didn’t react, I just thought wtf did he just say that, is there a different meaning that I’ve totally never heard of etc. I’ve got home and realising there is no excuse, I know what I have to do I’m just bloody gutted that he turned out to be so vile.

Christ, this is why people break relationships and marriages up so easily nowadays. They are just too lazy to put the effort in. If you think this is worth breaking up over, then I think you best. For his sake.

I'm autistic and other disabilities, it doesn't offend me at all!
R & S however does

Sometimes people pick up phrases when they're young and have no real understanding or think about what they mean and continue to use those words until they become almost automatic responses. I doubt he was trying to be offensive if he's an otherwise nice man.

Did you say something? You sound very dramatic to ditch someone who said a word you didn't like. If he went around openly mocking people with Downs Syndrone, that would be another matter. Grow up.

Part of me thinks why doesn't Op just tell him, & part of me thinks-why hasn't he educated himself?

That is such a common phrase where I live

Oh I cringe so much when I remember all the disabalist words flung about in the school playground in the 80s.
I would never dream of saying them now and would pull my children up very quickly if I heard them saying anything like that.

Maybe for younger people it has evolved into something totally different and they don't know it comes from something offensive if it's not pointed out to them.

I hate hearing Americans using the word spaz.

Wow. Massive overreaction. Unless of course you actually don’t like him that much and are looking for a way to get rid that makes you into the ‘victim’.

My mother told me once that when my brother was born she thought he was a Mongoloid child (autocorrect tried to make that mongoose child!). She wasnt trying to be offensive, but using the term as a descriptive one. If she knew it would offend she would never have used it.

I think you should look beyond the word to the person who used it, and see how he reacts when you tell him how hurtful it is to hear that language.. then make your decision.

Whilst not acceptable, I remember it being quite a common phrase in the early 00s. It’s entirely possible no one ever explained why it was offensive.

I didn't know what it meant.. but looking at the sentence I thought it meant relaxing, chilling.

I'm guessing he's probably igronant rather than nasty. You should tell him it's offensive. Are there other reasons you want to break up with him?

I don't like it and repeatedly tell my kids that and spaz are unpleasant and I would be ashamed to hear them say it. Their dad thinks this is perfectly ok for them to use.
I ask them to think about how that word makes special needs people we know and love feel. It can't be seen as a normal word to chuck around as one day someone will get you told in a way more aggressive way than I'm trying to explain

OP you've just casually thrown in the word 'vile' about your partner of a year...

I find the word vile really offensive.

I've seen it used a lot recently, by many of the ultra woke brigade, in response to things they are offended by.

I've seen more hate from woke people in the last few weeks than from any other group.

I'm starting to be pretty fucking offended by the woke...

Part of me thinks why doesn't Op just tell him, & part of me thinks-why hasn't he educated himself?

Is everyone supposed to look up every word they ever say in case it's offensive? If he doesn't know the background of the word, which seems highly likely given the responses here, how would he know he should be educating himself? You don't know what you don't know.

I used to work with a woman who was of Indian heritage. One day we were talking about what we'd been doing the previous weekend, and she said "Oh, just slapping around." I asked her what she meant and she said "You know, like a slapper".

Apparently the term 'slapper' in her family and local community just meant being lazy and lounging about doing nothing. She was astounded (and appalled) when I explained the true meaning.

Doubt OP will be back. She is probably too busy with all of those dates.

I’ve had this recently. I play an online game and a newbie described her family as being ‘mongs’. I said that I found the word offensive because my sister had Downes Syndrome. Apparently I can’t take a joke, I’m too old to take a joke, and it’s because her family are thick. That’s ok then.

Ah a goady bitchplop and run kind of thread

Omg, you'd have to be from a different planet to not know that those words are offensive, chrimbo. Stupid comparisons.

@borntohula

Omg, you'd have to be from a different planet to not know that those words are offensive, chrimbo. Stupid comparisons.

Well yes, exactly. So which planet are you from then?

Chrimbo, not sure what point you think you made there tbh.

YABU to have been seeing someone for a year without forming a detailed opinion of him, unless 'seeing' means the odd date here and there. Either he's uneducated, or lazy and stereotypical in his thinking. If that's such a big deal to you I'm surprised that you didn't suss it out earlier.
Bloody gutted is how you feel when you get a proper bolt from the blue, like the father of your children frequenting prostitutes or a serious medical diagnosis. Sloppy use of derogatory terms is not usually something that happens suddenly after 12 months.
But it's still OK to leave if you want to.

[quote sanityisamyth]**@wildcherries* Yes to this. I was called spaz as a child. It has stayed with me into adulthood. It makes me sad still when I hear it. It isn't a nice word to use.*

My sister (who spent much of my childhood physically, mentally and emotionally abusing and torturing me) called me a "Spaz" in front of huge numbers of people at a competition once. Not one person pulled her up on it. Was mortified. [/quote]
I'm sorry you went through that. No one ever said anything to my bullies, either. I was told to lighten up and learn to take the joke. Bullying 101.