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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be worrying about Christmas plans already?!

58 replies

nervousnelly8 · 11/06/2020 21:57

All being well DC2 will arrive around a week before Christmas this year. I suffered pretty badly with PND after DC1 and Christmas plans are already stressing me out.

Usually, we host Christmas day at our house and have an open invite for all family. This works well because DH'S parents are divorced so one parent can call it for part of the day and the other for a different part. We all live reasonably locally.

I don't want to host Christmas this year. I don't think I'll be up to preparing the meal and having a long and tiring day. In my ideal scenario, we would spend the day at home just me, DH and DC, and go to my parents to eat lunch. I'd like to go to MIL and FIL for a short visit on Xmas Eve/Boxing Day.

AIBU for being selfish about how I want to do Christmas this year? It feels very early to be thinking about this, but MIL has already made a comment about how she can't wait to spend Christmas Day with the new baby.

OP posts:
MissT2095 · 11/06/2020 22:01

If I was in your family I wouldn't be assuming you'd be hosting Christmas at all!

I could barely form a sentence that made sense a week after giving birth let alone organise a family Christmas.

If I were you I'd get in early and make this clear to family members. They really should be expecting your announcement if they have any sense.

Spikeypineapples · 11/06/2020 22:02

Do what you want. No one will thank you for trying to please them so you might as well please yourself. Look after yourself and your baby.

Tableclothing · 11/06/2020 22:05

Are you having a planned section? If so, you will not be able to host Christmas. If not, you could be in labour on Christmas Day. Your MIL is being quite mad to think you'll be hosting her. Your DH should disabuse her of this notion pronto.

Dragongirl10 · 11/06/2020 22:08

Of course you are not being unreasonable and this is the time to put your foot down early .....
Tell MIL, or get DH to let her know that you WILL be spending Christmas Day as a family but that you would love to visit Xmas eve or Boxing Day.
If you anticipate pressure, put it that,....as you always do Xmas lunch and enjoy having them over, you absolutely KNOW how incredibly hard work it would be, and therefore IMPOSSIBLE, after having just given birth, and that you know they will be so understanding this year.
Do it now and you can relax!

missmouse101 · 11/06/2020 22:08

Of course yanbu. For goodness sake, be clear and firm and please yourselves. Just tell them well in advance.

Lollypop4 · 11/06/2020 22:09

Be blunt and tell everyone of your plans now, stick to them.
End of

DollyDoneMore · 11/06/2020 22:12

Fucking hell, don’t be a martyr! Don’t even think about doing it.

KitKat1985 · 11/06/2020 22:13

YANBU. At best you will have a very young baby, possibly you will be overdue, or at worst even in labour or still in hospital! Just casually mention at some point 'obviously I won't be able to host Christmas this year with DC2 being due about then' so it's clear early on you have no intention of playing host this year. Then firm up exact plans for the day nearer the time.

Windyatthebeach · 11/06/2020 22:14

Speak out now op. I was due Xmas Eve and ils and dh sat on their bloody arses all day while I catered for 4 adults and 8 dc.
Had dd on NYE..
Twats all of them...

Purpleartichoke · 11/06/2020 22:14

I would tell them now that you are not hosting. Do think about if you want to visit at their homes or if you want to limit it to 20 minute visits at yours.

Healthyandhappy · 11/06/2020 22:15

Tbh I'd stay in cook own dinner x

GhostCurry · 11/06/2020 22:16

“ I was due Xmas Eve and ils and dh sat on their bloody arses all day while I catered for 4 adults and 8 dc.”

But... why? Why would you do that?

Original poster
nervousnelly8 · 11/06/2020 22:17

I'm so relieved! I'm not having a planned section, but DS was so big that I'm consultant led and have been advised to go for an induction at 39 weeks.

I am anticipating MIL being unhappy that we will eat lunch at my parents, but not see her on Christmas Day - she will think that's unfair. I'd be willing to skip my parents too for family harmony, but I want my turkey dinner with no prep/washing up!

OP posts:
WhenSheWasBad · 11/06/2020 22:17

Shock windy that’s awful.

Tell them you aren’t hosting. Good luck op.

Timesdone · 11/06/2020 22:23

Tell them now, tell them again next month and again throughout the summer. Make sure they are on board with your plans by autumn. Double check by asking them what their plans are for Christmas . Don't feel guilty about it. Who knows what restrictions we'll still be under, or what the infection rate will be next winter, I don't think anyone can plan on having an extended family Christmas so it might not even be an option, we may all have to spend it in our own homes

LadyFeliciaMontague · 11/06/2020 22:27

MIL has already made a comment about how she can't wait to spend Christmas Day with the new baby

Which was the perfect time to say that actually, as you will just have given birth, you won’t be hosting this year so she should make other plans.

Hugglespuffed · 11/06/2020 22:27

I am more worried about the thought of being locked down and not seeing any family on Christmas (I live alone) it sucks. YANBU not to host obvs. Why doesn't your DH take your older child to MIL for an hour or so on Xmas day?

Windyatthebeach · 11/06/2020 22:28

Dh could burn water and mil made gravy by mixing gravy salt with hot water....
Envy
Not envy.
I wanted a decent lunch!!

Honeyroar · 11/06/2020 22:29

I can’t believe they’re even thinking that you’d host them a week after you have a baby! Tell them (or tell your husband to tell them) that they’re welcome to call at some point over Xmas, but you’re not cooking Xmas dinner this year, just having a really quiet day with your children. Nominate someone else to do Xmas this year.

Mitzdob · 11/06/2020 22:32

Totally do what you want to do. No telling when the baby will arrive anyway so use that as the basis of telling them all no!!

If you're wanting to see them but not cater for them, Maybe you could suggest they pop in for a glass of fizz at tea time.

I hate Christmas, hoping to bugger off abroad this year.

Original poster
nervousnelly8 · 11/06/2020 22:33

@LadyFeliciaMontague yes, in hindsight that definitely would have been the right way to go. But at the time I objected to it for a different reason - she said it before we had even had the 12 week scan. So I made a comment about counting chickens and left it there

OP posts:
Couchbettato · 11/06/2020 22:40

I would tell them in a very 'matter of fact' way and leave no room for discussion about it. If MIL wants to tell DH it's unfair then she can do just that. But tell DH he can keep that between them because it doesn't change the fact you want dinner with your family, and your house isn't open for you to be marvelled at while every one else holds your new baby as you're dishing up dinner.

MittensTheSerpent · 11/06/2020 22:42

I was due Xmas Eve and ils and dh sat on their bloody arses all day while I catered for 4 adults and 8 dc.

Why? Why did you do that?

AHF1975 · 11/06/2020 22:45

I wouldn't worry about planning for Christmas yet- we have no idea if anything is going to be back to normal by then

NoWordForFluffy · 11/06/2020 22:45

@MittensTheSerpent

I was due Xmas Eve and ils and dh sat on their bloody arses all day while I catered for 4 adults and 8 dc.

Why? Why did you do that?

And why is she still married to him (she doesn't call him ex-DH)?! I'd have chucked mine out if he did that.
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