To be worrying about Christmas plans already?!

[nervousnelly8]

All being well DC2 will arrive around a week before Christmas this year. I suffered pretty badly with PND after DC1 and Christmas plans are already stressing me out.

Usually, we host Christmas day at our house and have an open invite for all family. This works well because DH'S parents are divorced so one parent can call it for part of the day and the other for a different part. We all live reasonably locally.

I don't want to host Christmas this year. I don't think I'll be up to preparing the meal and having a long and tiring day. In my ideal scenario, we would spend the day at home just me, DH and DC, and go to my parents to eat lunch. I'd like to go to MIL and FIL for a short visit on Xmas Eve/Boxing Day.

AIBU for being selfish about how I want to do Christmas this year? It feels very early to be thinking about this, but MIL has already made a comment about how she can't wait to spend Christmas Day with the new baby.

[nervousnelly8]

@ThroughThickAndThin01 MIL will be with SIL - I suspect they will go down to visit MIL's family (parents, sisters, nieces) if big family gatherings are allowed by then, if they are not with us.

@strugglingwithdeciding we could, but then I would feel that we had to do the same with FIL and we would just be spending our Christmas driving around. My parents live 3 minutes down the road, FIL is 25 mins away and MIL is 40 mins away (in the opposite direction), so although they are all pretty local in the grand scheme of things, seeing both would involve 2.5-3hrs in the car which I know I wouldn't have been able to do at 1 week PP last time.

[Muminlockdown2020]

That's totally fine, but you need to tell them now. I really don't want to still be stuck in lockdown by then but I kinda hope there will still be some restrictions in place because we've never had the chance to have a quiet Xmas. I spend most of Xmas day driving around people's houses

[GhostCurry]

“ Could you not pop into mil briefly in morning Xmas day so she also sees them on Xmas day like your parents ?”

Fuck that! The OP should literally be spending the day in bed if she has a newborn. If she is past her due date at that time she should not be making any unnecessary trips.

[Carabu1]

I mean, we might all be eating Xmas dinner in our gardens at this rate....! But no, not unreasonable. Dh and I finally put out foot down and do Xmas day on our own now, and it is glorious - no driving about, no stress. We just go and see family Boxing Day or between Xmas and nye. They may or may not be happy about it, but no one has complained to my face!!!

[mam0918]

I never get people who go out on xmas (I mean I get it for single people who visit family but not for families with children going out) to me it should be about sitting around in your house having a day off with the kids playing with their new toys not being dragged around

If you dont want to host thats fine too (I hate people in my house) so I would just go vist on boxing day or xmas eve... one day early or late wont kill them and if they moan then honestly they want their head looking at

but if you do decide to host then your DH should do definately do the meal and hosting etc... surely that wouldnt even need to be explained given that you will have just given birth

I also wanted to say just because you had PND before doesnt mean it will happen again, I had panic attacks, fear of imposible things happening and just terrible anxiety constantly with my eldest but with my youngest it was entirely different and much more relaxed, I think partly because it feel familer as I had done it all before - hopefully you'll have the same

[Fcukthisshit]

I’d have a buffet at home, stick in the oven stuff and chuck it on the table to help yourselves and let your parents / in-laws visit either morning or afternoon. No fuss and everyone gets to see the new baby on Christmas Day.

[girlywhirly]

Op, I think you can entirely reasonably say to MIL that you cannot say so far ahead what will be happening for Christmas this year. You can’t possibly predict how you will be feeling after you’ve given birth, or even if gatherings will be possible. You shouldn’t be trailing anywhere, even if it is permitted, what on earth is the matter with MIL? Did she go trooping about days after giving birth?

I think if it’s just you and your little family you could make a Christmas lunch and freeze it in advance to save a lot of time and effort, it would be easy for DH to thaw the dishes out and reheat.

[shoofly]

DS1 was due 14th December, I went into hospital on the evening of the 26th to be induced and he was born 11.30 at night on the 27th. I remember the arguments with a good friend because I refused to commit to a murder mystery dinner the evening of the 27th. She thought I was completely unreasonable to not commit to this because surely you'll just pop him in his car seat and come along. I had an awful birth and I remember how mortified she was about her attitude after DS was born.
If you're worrying about Christmas in June it should be an early warning sign that you're far too worried about other peoples opinions. Get your husband to tell her to wise up now. Who knows what any of us will be doing at Christmas. Life has changed in so many ways for so many people since last Christmas. I'd be laying this on thick and pointing out that being thankful for what she has now, is more important than guilt tripping an already stressed out mum to be.