Spectacular work from MIL

[CraftyGardener]

(Background, DH is an only child and she sobbed the day he moved in with mead I'd stolen her baby).

MIL has surpassed herself in the passive aggressive stakes. 10th wedding anniversary card arrives, she's consistently spelled my name incorrectly throughout. And I mean it's a real stretch to misspell my name. I never rise to her as it would upset DH but I know she won't be able to resist and will say something like 'oh I'm paranoid I made a spelling mistake on your card'. WIBU to respond 'oh no worries, probably a senior moment!'?

Ooooof @FizzyGreenWater 😂

My adult stepson who has always had a problem with me, but sweetness and light to me in front of DH/his dad would always send a lovely appropriate Dad birthday card but 'accidentally' send me a Great Aunt, Cousin, you name it everything except Stepmum or just generic card would've done for my birthday. . I ignored this for years so then he started sending us separate cards at Christmas to up the ante l guess. Suddenly we went from a Happy Xmas Dad with 'to Dad and Bahh' written inside to getting his dad a lovely extravagent Dad card just to him and l got the cheap 'candle card' just to me. The second year of this l told him how thoughtful he was to send me an individual card and not just see me as his dad's wife and an individual. His face dropped and ever since then we have received a 'to Dad and his wife' card.

Say "what card?...we didn't get it? Bloody post"

Ah my mil cried tears of sadness at mine behind her sunglasses inside ..

I’d just respond with ‘oh which one was yours?’

@Crazycatlady83 totally my MIL too. I am actually hoping that this year she still writes Mrs “DH initial” surname, as I want to message her and ask who the card is to, me or DH and she meant to write “mr”. She hates me.

harriethoyle thanks!

Respond, "Never mind, dear. It's the thought that counts, isn't it?"

Kill her with kindness.

"Oh did you? I didn't notice. Thanks so much for the card though, I was really touched to know you were thinking of me on the day. xxxxxx"

'oh no worries, probably a senior moment!'
I'd be tempted to hint at putting her in a home. "None of us are getting any younger, are we? Have you ever thought about what you'd do if you couldn't take care of yourself anymore? We could look around a few places with you.."

Said in a concerned way.

Myself and partner have been together 22 yrs. A few yes ago my mil sent us a christmas card. Had my partners name and his first wife's name in it. I found it hilarious, as did our daughter. I still don't know if she did it on purpose or if it were a senior moment.

I'd be patronising. Aww, bless you. Such a shame you find my name such a challenge. Your condition must make life such so difficult.

At the ripe old age of 50, I spelt my nieces name wrong twice on a card and gift not long ago. I have also struggled, at times, to spell something I've written down a thousand times. In my case, I know why my brain is a little foggy at times but I doubt I'd think anything of this. 'Spectacular work' indeed. Hope my niece didn't think this of me.

Seems like such a non event though I'd probably question her health if anything.

Options:

Return to sender with "not known at this address" on the envelope

Or say "I didn't notice as I never look at them, but don't worry anyway as I know you're old now"

My MIL once sent me a sanitary pad through the post that she'd got as a freebie, then spent 50 pence sending

oh thats different @oneearringlost

@TabbyCatPartyHat That is shocking, ‘it’! shock it sounds quite funny to read but I bet it wasn’t at the time. I used to laugh at her, I've been insulted by better people, my husband got upset about it and finally had a stand up screaming row about it and she never did it again.

"Oh, never mind MIL, you tried your best"

That’s the thing though CJs that’s an accident in a good relationship. Not an engineered slight in a bad relationship.

MIL sounds a PITA. However, the casual ageism and sexism dotted all through this thread is depressing. People who are a PITA in their 60s have usually been that way all their lives, so no need to 'joke' that they're past it, suffering early onset dementia, heading for a care home etc.

I would say to dh 'oh dh I wonder if your mum is ok as she has spelt my name wrong' fake concern face

My MIL sent easter cards to everyone, all in named individual envelopes within one big card, each had a £10 not and little card with soppy message in... mine was unwritten and no £10. I think she'd hoped I'd be upset, I wasn't. Annoyingly DH told her about it and she was all apologetic to him, but didn't say a work about it to me when I was on the phone aswell.

My DH has a name that is quite difficult for my mother to pronounce (as in her mother-tongue they don't have one of the sounds present in that name.) When I got together with DH my mother practiced and practiced until she could say the name correctly. It was very sweet. My DH feels valued by my mother and they have a lovely relationship. These 'little things' are so important.
I would def mention it - something like 'I had to laugh when I saw how you spelt my name Mil!'

Agreed @Gasp0deTheW0nderD0g

"Knowing that shes too nosey to not read them when they're up on our mantelpiece, but cant say anything because then she'll have to admit she was being nosey."

What? Is it strange to look at cards on a mantle piece? Surely that's why they are on display. I always read cards on display and nobody has ever said anything

I disagree with Gasp0deTheW0nderD0g.
Age is the factor. On the Style and Beauty threads, you see plenty, and it's true - I hit 35 and suddenly all my miniskirts and skinny jeans went from stylish to mutton dressed as lamb. And on the eve of my 40th birthday, I went to bed a size 8 and in the morning I was an enormous size 14! I'd put on 2 st overnight.
Now 15 yrs later I momentarily forget how to spell DIL's name and I'm not only passive-aggressive but having a senior moment.

I was all sweetness and light until my darling precious son married that ... woman.