Spectacular work from MIL

[CraftyGardener]

(Background, DH is an only child and she sobbed the day he moved in with mead I'd stolen her baby).

MIL has surpassed herself in the passive aggressive stakes. 10th wedding anniversary card arrives, she's consistently spelled my name incorrectly throughout. And I mean it's a real stretch to misspell my name. I never rise to her as it would upset DH but I know she won't be able to resist and will say something like 'oh I'm paranoid I made a spelling mistake on your card'. WIBU to respond 'oh no worries, probably a senior moment!'?

[zingally]

Absolute silence or pretending not to even notice is the best response!

She sounds like my sister's fiance, who I don't get along with. We've now got to the point that even his existence annoys me, and he'll troll with things that are aimed at me.
Honestly, ZERO acknowledgement and total radio silence is the only thing that gets me through.

[slipperywhensparticus]

I had a friend called ann she didnt care if it was spelled anne or ann she said her own mother couldnt even get it right so she was used to it 🤣

[VodselForDinner]

“Oh, I’ll see when it open it later. I’m sure it’s around here somewhere”.

[Timetospare]

@BackforGood

She’s written the wrong name 4 times and the OP and her husband have been together for 10 years. OP has said it’s hard to spell her name wrong. Are you really insinuating MIL just made a mistake?

Not 'insinuating' , but know it is perfectly possible
I have 2 friends with the same name - one spells it Dianne, the other Diane. I have 2 friends called Claire and Clare. I know there are 2 ways of spelling each of the names, but I freeze when it comes to writing either one, as I can never remember which spelling goes with which name.
I actually have to write out 'Sheila' and 'Keith' on a separate piece of paper first, as I can't fix it in my mind that the 'i' comes after the 'e' even though they aren't after a 'c'. 'Michael' is another one I have to look up first.
Maybe if you find spelling eay, or if you can 'see' whole words and memorise them, then you can't empathise with those of us that find this more difficult.
My name is one of those (like Jane / Jayne) that has more than one perfectly correct spelling. I don't think my name is difficult, but I can't get worked up if someone uses the other version. It certainly isn't 'spectacular work', it's just a simple mistake.

I have this exact problem. It’s not malicious.

[FOJN]

Agree with PP, she's trying together a rise out of you and will continue doing it if you reward her. I think the most annoying thing you can do is graciously thank her for the card and if she mentions the spelling you can just say, "oh well never mind, it was kind of you to remember". If she's done it deliberately, your tolerance will piss her off no end with the added bonus that you can feel good about not sinking to her level.

[SummerWhisper]

"Oh thank you so much for remembering our special anniversary. We have been very busy celebrating it, if you know what I mean (dirty laugh) so don't worry about spelling mistakes. We are having such fun!"

[notangelinajolie]

'Oh really, I didn't notice'.

[notangelinajolie]

Or
'Not at all MIL, you are the only who spells my name the right way'.

[WowLucky]

Someone once made a real fuss about checking my name was spelt correctly. It would be really hard to get my name wrong and I didn't "get" it, I just said "oh don't worry, if you did I didn't notice and it would take more than that to offend me."

Several days later I realised his actual point was that I had spelt his name incorrectly

Dont be playing games over it. If it's a genuine mistake, she meant no harm. If she's doing it deliberately don't let her have the satisfaction of noticing.

[CraftyGardener]

@backforgood if I thought for one moment she had a challenge with spelling I would not give it a second thought let alone post it on here. She is an excellent writer and has never gotten my name wrong in the 12 years DH and I have been together. Sometimes people make typos and spelling mistakes. We are all human and that's totally fine and not something to be mocked. It's the context around this and the deliberate creativity in the spelling that made it clear that this was a passive aggressive act. Please don't think that I was being offended by a spelling mistake, that would be ignorant. If I didn't truly believe this was a deliberate act it wouldn't be a post.

[Sholmit]

Just say ‘thank you for the lovely card it was so kind of you to remember’ you win on all points. It will annoy her if she spelt your name wrong on purpose, and be nice if it was a genuine mistake. I admit I always forget how my SIL spells her name, its one that can be spelt many ways apart from traditional way. I have spelt it wrong before, luckily she is easy going about it.

[pallasathena]

Grow up OP.
People like you are spectacularly pathetic.

[CraftyGardener]

*ignorant of me to be offended by a spelling mistake I should say

[tiredanddangerous]

‘Oh don’t worry about it MIL, I know spelling can be difficult for some people’

[CraftyGardener]

@pallasathena you're a ray of sunshine 😊 have a lovely evening

[moreofthegreenstuff]

"It was a lovely card, thank you so much for remembering our anniversary. And of course we were both in hysterics when we saw that you spelled my name wrong again - we place bets on it with each other every time now, and I always win!"

[PhilTheGroundhog]

Just say she didn't.

[blaaake]

Fucking hell @pallasathena who shat in your meals on wheels?

[harriethoyle]

@ShredMeJillianIWantToBeNatalie best username EVER!

[FizzyGreenWater]

'Oh don't worry, it's cute. My little cousin used to spell it that way when she was just learning to read, I think it's quite sweet really'

[PhilTheGroundhog]

Also, knowing the name v the mistake would help illustrate your point.

[Blimeyoreilly2020]

TeamsMakesMeScreams - omg has your MIL done that number too? I’ve spent ages trying to figure out how to even discuss with dh that, even if she lived next door, the chances of us actually being there at the requisite moment would be slim....obvs if she was unwell and it was patently imminent we would of course be there but in the meantime🙈.

[stophuggingme]

She wants you to be upset
Whatever you do don’t be. If you show people like this that they can hurt you with their petty asides, digs and attempts at provocation then you are setting the scene for the next one

Rant away here but apart from that say and do nothing.

[FizzyGreenWater]

Of course, the bottom line to this is that she acts the way she does because she hates you because you 'won'. In her warped viewpoint.

So you could - if you wanted to completely crush her -

'oh I'm paranoid I made a spelling mistake on your card'.

'You did.' (satisfied smile) 'I love it'.

[Turtletotem]

Sign your name in the way she spells it in the next card you send and see what she does next