Spectacular work from MIL

[CraftyGardener]

(Background, DH is an only child and she sobbed the day he moved in with mead I'd stolen her baby).

MIL has surpassed herself in the passive aggressive stakes. 10th wedding anniversary card arrives, she's consistently spelled my name incorrectly throughout. And I mean it's a real stretch to misspell my name. I never rise to her as it would upset DH but I know she won't be able to resist and will say something like 'oh I'm paranoid I made a spelling mistake on your card'. WIBU to respond 'oh no worries, probably a senior moment!'?

[TheFoz]

@Elouera that’s hilarious! How much was the cheque for? Did you never cash it in?!!

[TabbyCatPartyHat]

@1forsorrow That is shocking, ‘it’! it sounds quite funny to read but I bet it wasn’t at the time.

My DH’s family do this. My name is a common one where it’s either ‘ie’ or ‘y’ at the end and they always pick the wrong one. I get on with them, I think they just picked the wrong spelling initially and perhaps I never corrected them - although I do spell it right on cards from us so there’s no excuse really.

I like other people’s idea of saying ‘oh did you? I haven’t looked at it yet.’

[Instatwat]

@BackforGood are you the MIL?

She’s written the wrong name 4 times and the OP and her husband have been together for 10 years. OP has said it’s hard to spell her name wrong. Are you really insinuating MIL just made a mistake?

[unlikelytobe]

Some people can be immensely dense about names. A friend of mine has been spelling my name wrong on every text, e-mail and card for years and I think it's a genuine blind spot for her otherwise it's the longest piss take in history.

However, with your MIL I suspect some malice aforethought!! Keep your cool, she'll hate that.

[Fatted]

I agree with the people posting to pile on the sweetness. Ring her and tell her it was a lovely gesture, so glad she sent it, lovely card etc etc. Don't mention the name at all.

Or just never speak to the old hag again.

[montyliesandmontycries]

My batshit, control freak SIL who NEVER makes mistakes ( apparently) has been spelling ,y name incorrectly for 20 years because she thinks it should be spelt the way she does it, and not my 'version'.
Life, my friend, is too short to care about the inner workings of minds like these. MY 'version' BTW is THE one, the one that most people would go straight to.
You can't argue with dumb.

[sonjadog]

I think the best response is that you didn't notice. Anything else gives her the attention she wants. Nothing worse than being ignored for people who behave in this manner.

[Crazycatlady83]

[quote planningaheadtoday]@Crazycatlady83 that was how women were addressed years ago. My
much loved grandmother would always write this once I married. I had to return so many cheques as the bank wouldn't accept 'Mrs husbands name'.

Not sure when it changed but must have been around the 1970's. [/quote]
If only she was that old to forgive it! I could also understand if it was on the envelope but this was INSIDE the card 😂 she has never much liked me!

[NearlyGranny]

I like the "Age comes to us all," response, if she draws attention to it, or just, "Why change the habits of a lifetime? “

[slipperywhensparticus]

My exs first ex wife tried to get me done for harassment once she text her self from a different phone and put my name on the end of the text the police showed me like it was a kind of "gottcha" caught you out sort of thing I dismissed them saying I know how to spell my own name and the ONLY person who spells my name like that is her and proceeded to hand over the venomous Christmas card she sent me with the same misspelling of my name

Mispellings can be useful

[Nearlyshitmypantsthere]

@Shedbuilder 🤣🤣🤣

[ButteryPuffin]

Don't use the 'I didn't read it' 'I haven't opened it' type replies as they are just as obvious as a tit for tat response to her misspelling. Don't even mention it and if she does then go with the 'oh, did you? Never mind, must be age' line.

Who sends the cards to her, you or your DH?

[Fluffycloudland77]

Ask her what World is spelt backwards. Standard “have you got dementia” question according to a nurse I worked with. It was a shock to realise I had dementia at 35 😀

[OldLace]

My MIL sent a cheque to (ex) H for Christmas (£25) and the same for Ds (age 15, £25) and for Dd (age 12, £25). I got a £5 note which had been trodden on and had a very clear and very muddy boot print on it. All put in the same envelope, addressed to me. H and I split up 4 years ago...

Weird!

[CraftyGardener]

@slipperywhensparticus oh my god! What a horrible situation for you! I mean hilarious how you solved it but wow... some people really are allergic to joy aren't they

[Healthyandhappy]

Why do u live so far away from her x

[Menaimum]

"oh don't worry, not everyone does ok at school - and it's been a long long time since you left"

[Positivevibesonlyplease]

My MIL does this too, but I think it’s just because she’s thick

[Namechangeapril20]

My MIL always introduces me as DHs second wife so I now introduce him as my first husband in front of her and write any birthday/christmas/valentines/anniversary cards as "To my first husband, from your second wife." Knowing that shes too nosey to not read them when they're up on our mantelpiece, but cant say anything because then she'll have to admit she was being nosey. Petty but satisfying.

[MarieIVanArkleStinks]

Can't tell you how relieved I am that you don't think I'm being a bitter Betty grin when you've been living with it for so long I worry I'm being a bit sensitive. But she really is a troll.

I get this. My MiL persists in addressing me as Mrs Hisname. When she addresses our child, whose name is double-barrelled, she uses Hisname only. DH pointed out that it's disrespectful to our child and asked her to stop doing it. She didn't.

She addressed me once afterwards using my correct name (misspelled). After that she stopped sending me any communication.

I prefer it that way. Firstly, as I spend minimal time with her, it removes one of the last remaining outlets for her passive aggression. And secondly, at least it's honest.

[BackforGood]

She’s written the wrong name 4 times and the OP and her husband have been together for 10 years. OP has said it’s hard to spell her name wrong. Are you really insinuating MIL just made a mistake?

Not 'insinuating' , but know it is perfectly possible
I have 2 friends with the same name - one spells it Dianne, the other Diane. I have 2 friends called Claire and Clare. I know there are 2 ways of spelling each of the names, but I freeze when it comes to writing either one, as I can never remember which spelling goes with which name.
I actually have to write out 'Sheila' and 'Keith' on a separate piece of paper first, as I can't fix it in my mind that the 'i' comes after the 'e' even though they aren't after a 'c'. 'Michael' is another one I have to look up first.
Maybe if you find spelling eay, or if you can 'see' whole words and memorise them, then you can't empathise with those of us that find this more difficult.
My name is one of those (like Jane / Jayne) that has more than one perfectly correct spelling. I don't think my name is difficult, but I can't get worked up if someone uses the other version. It certainly isn't 'spectacular work', it's just a simple mistake.

[MrsNoah2020]

Passive aggressive people are trying to get a rise. Don't indulge her, but don't sink to her level

This. Definitely don't say something bitchy back - that's what she wants because it'd be proof that she has succeeded in annoying you.

If she asks about the card, beam and say how lovely it was. If she mentions the spelling, say, "Oh I don't mind about that - it's just so lovely that you sent it", That will piss her off far more than a crack about a senior moment.

In general, being very cheerful in a slightly patronising way, and pretending that you haven't noticed PA behaviour, is an excellent response to people who are PA. You can see them seethe, but they can't do anything about it, because you haven't given them any ammunition

[ShredMeJillianIWantToBeNatalie]

Mine always cooks a roast dinner and piles my plate high with meat when we visit. DH and I have been together 30 years. I’ve been a vegetarian for 40 years.

When she visits us I am always careful to accommodate her dietary needs. No cheese. No tomato. No fish. No pasta. No onions, garlic or spices.

[firstmentat]

My ex-MIL also used to do this, but also intentionally called me a completely different name, both in writing and to my face, as her cleaner was from the same country as me and - apparently - it was too difficult for her to remember who'd who with two such unusual foreign names. I must say that both names are quite standard biblical, and quite common
even amongst the native population in the UK (think Maria / Anna).

[Minniee]

Just say oh don't worry, at your age I'm just glad you remembered