MIL expects to come on family holiday

[DisneyBaby]

My husband and I have been together 10 years, I am 30 and he is 28, we have just had our first baby together this year.

I have a big family and have always been very close with them throughout my life, and when I got together with my husband 10 years ago, my parents welcomed him in to the family like one of their own and we have had numerous holidays and good times altogether ever since.
My sister and brothers partners are the same and have been welcomed into the family, and we all get in very well and have a great time whatever we do.

My MIL, was a single mum and has always been a little jealous of the amount of time we spend with my family compared the amount of time we spend with her. We have fallen out with her numerous time over this, as well as over other things eg most recently when she made comments about how we are doing things with our baby daughter (which she says is caring, but we find negative and judgemental).

My family have gone to Florida every 4 years since I was young and have continued to do this even as we’ve grown up, we’re all big kids and love all the rides and shows, and now that we have started having children, we still intend to keep up the tradition of going frequently.

My MIL feels that we should invite her on long to Florida with my family as she is single and wouldn’t have anyone else to go with.

This puts me and my husband in a difficult situation because my family enjoy going to Florida as our family and wouldn’t want an additional person coming along on our family holiday.
My family do know her as she has been there for the odd Xmas etc, but they also know about all the rows we have had with her in the past and find her a little annoying, so aren’t particularly keen on her.

I appreciate that she is single and doesn’t have as many people to go on holiday with, but why should my family have to have her tag along with them?

We have suggested doing a separate holiday to somewhere else but she is adamant that Florida is where she wants to go to and she thinks we are being inconsiderate that she’s not invited to come along with us on my family’s holiday. I think she’s being unreasonable, and find it strange that she wants to come away with a family that isn’t hers.

Am I being unreasonable or is she being unreasonable?

Extend the invite - the more the merrier. I mean if it’s all just a bunch of mates what’s the big deal.

How do you know that exactly?

How lovely at 30 with a newborn you can afford Florida & possible Dubai/Croatia.
First world problems OP

PURE SNARK.

it's one holiday every 4 years

Disney is every 4 years. According to the OP
we often go for weekends away, UK breaks and days out with my family and spend a lot less time with her.

MIL comes across as lonely, and wants to be included more. No shame in that. Is every Christmas spent with OP and her family? Easter, birthdays etc. I'd hazard a guess at yes.

ust do the decent thing and stop excluding someone from something they have every right to want to be a part of

Please explain why MiL has a 'right' to be a part of a holiday organised by her son's in-laws?

@ILoveYou3000 not jealous - would be lovely though .
Merely highlight the OP is very fortunate to be financially stable and from a loving home and yet still so unhappy she has to nitpick about her mother in law making a reference to where she puts the baby down ...
Come on.

MIL comes across as lonely, and wants to be included more. No shame in that. Is every Christmas spent with OP and her family? Easter, birthdays etc. I'd hazard a guess at yes.

Totally agree she sounds lonely.

I wonder why she has refused to go on a nice holiday with her DS, OP and DGC?

@sleepingpup It’s not snark- the OP is a spoilt cow and is making a problem out of nothing.

I'm replying based on your OP; I read a few replies and people seem to have taken a disliking to you from your OP and the responses are skewed.
I agree there may be reason to feel sorry for your MIL. However, I don't think you should have to take her on holiday with your family. You should probably have addressed the difference in how you treat her compared to your family earlier and should have been holidaying with her already - and that's what you should do now, not bring her along on a holiday she won't really be welcome on and everyone will enjoy less with her there.

Merely highlight the OP is very fortunate to be financially stable and from a loving home and yet still so unhappy she has to nitpick about her mother in law making a reference to where she puts the baby down ...

No merely highlighting that you sound pretty snarky.

@sleepingpup Fair enough 👍🏼

I think this is the craziest thread I’ve ever read on here!

What’s with all this “aren’t you all one family now?” bullshit?

My mum has met my MIL once, about 20 years ago. She’s met my BIL and one SIL a few times, as we were friends as teens, and our fathers have never met! If any of them wanted to join in on the others holiday, everyone would think they were barking mad!

I organise any catch ups with my side of the family, and DH organises any catch ups with his. If he didn’t want to see his family, that’s his problem! I have a volatile relationship relationship with my family also, if my mother wanted to come on holiday with my IL’s family I would assume she had finally lost the plot.

It’s not up to the DIL to organise how much time they spend with MIL. That’s her husbands job. It’s HIS mother.

And a huge LOL at the poster who said “you’ve taken him away from his only blood relation!”. I assume she doesn’t have him chained up in a dungeon and he still has free will. Also by my count, he has a mother, father, brother, and a child. That’s quite a few blood relations.

@sauvignonblancplz

👍🏻

People are clearly not reading the updates.

Or even just the first post

So many of the more simplistic replies boil down to "she's lonely ... you're mean ... it wouldn't kill you ...", etc, but do folk really not see more nuance than that?

I wonder why she has refused to go on a nice holiday with her DS, OP and DGC?

She wants to disney as it's not somewhere she can go alone. That's why I suggested DH, OP, GC and MIL go to disney together, or do Paris as per another poster. Maybe she wants to go back and experience it with now having a GC. Again, not an unreasonable thing to want to do.

Maybe if she wasn’t how she was she wouldn’t be so lonely.

You know when multiple people avoid you it’s more likely you are the issue than the multiple people. Both sons don’t really like spending time with their mother so I’m going to say Mil is the issue rather than multiple dils 🤷🏻‍♀️

Plus they have invited to a different holiday.

If someone offered you a car would you say sorry I don’t want that car, only this particular one that’s owned by someone who isn’t selling it will do? No you accept or decline the lovey offer.

She wants to disney as it's not somewhere she can go alone. That's why I suggested DH, OP, GC and MIL go to disney together, or do Paris as per another poster. Maybe she wants to go back and experience it with now having a GC. Again, not an unreasonable thing to want to do.

Not unreasonable to want to go to Disney. So be nice. Suggest it for another year. She's not shy putting her views forward.

Don't try and guilt her DiL into getting her parents to invite her on their trip.

@sauvignonblancplz - in your efforts to come across as so welcoming and laid back and lovely to everyone, you really showed how obnoxious you are in your last comment.

Why should OP's parent have to invite a stranger on THEIR holiday? Where is she going to sleep? Who is going to drive her around? How is the bill splitting going to work? What if she spoils the holiday for everyone who has saved for four years? Why did she refuse the holiday with just OP, husband and baby? Why do you assume that everyone who is 30 and has a baby should be poor? Please answer.

The thing is with big families is that when you belong to one you don’t see it as a big gathering. It’s just you, your siblings and their children.

DHs family is small, he feels over whelmed at family parties where as I just think it’s normal.

It’s not insular, it’s just immediate familly. The numbers are irrelevant.

@Ohtherewearethen Yeah I’ll take that it’s not nice to call anyone a spoilt cow.

I just couldn’t imagine being so fortunate and then also so unwelcoming , esp when the person is my husbands mum.
I do understand how the MIL is coming across as quite formidable and unhappy. However if the OPs family is so lovely how can this one woman make such a difference .
I think I would feel differently if the OP already had a difficult dynamic and this would be too much- why not give it a go?

I also said up thread that the MIL is an adult and if she’s told she’s not welcome she has to deal with that.

sauvignonblancplz - in your efforts to come across as so welcoming and laid back and lovely to everyone, you really showed how obnoxious you are in your last comment.

If you can afford holidays ( eg Dubai/Croatia) at 30 with a baby you can't have any family issues?
A sort of wealth to emotional happiness ratio.

Well we all know that's shite.

Merely highlight the OP is very fortunate to be financially stable and from a loving home and yet still so unhappy she has to nitpick about her mother in law making a reference to where she puts the baby down

You made no reference to the sofa comment. And perhaps that's the latest in a string of snide remarks MiL has made to a new mum. Or are people no longer allowed to feel offended/upset?

You should probably have addressed the difference in how you treat her compared to your family earlier and should have been holidaying with her already - and that's what you should do now, not bring her along on a holiday she won't really be welcome on and everyone will enjoy less with her there.

Firstly, why is this OP's responsibility?

Secondly, attempts have been made to arrange a holiday with MiL and both her sons previously, which were rejected. And it would seem this has only become an issue now MiL is single and over this particular holiday, as she has again refused an alternative.

Ok listen both of you @ILoveYou3000 @sleepingpup Are determined to paint the MIL as a villain. Fair enough.
I concede.

@Jeremyironsnothing

I just can't understand how anyone and there are lots on here think it is in any way acceptable to think it's ok to invite yourself on another families holiday. Yes, her son is going, but he's going only because he's married into that family. Mil is in no way part of that family. So she doesn't get to go.

She can go on holiday with her family, and has indeed been offered this.

How people think otherwise to this, is beyond me.

Exactly this.

There is a lot of nonsense on MN, but this is one of the most unbelievable set of responses ever.

Sooooo many posters who think that if they are invited to join a large family holiday, (regardless of which side of the family it is - and yes, families do have sides, bollocks to all this "joining families together when you marry" shite) it is perfectly acceptable to invite some other random relative along.

If it is (apparently) mean to leave anybody out of anything ever, then I imagine you must all have to hire entire coaches/planes to go on your holidays.

I'll let my daughter know that she had better invite her MIL along when they visit with the grand-children this summer. Clearly it would be mean not to. she had better not do anything of the sort

However if the OPs family is so lovely how can this one woman make such a difference

I've answered that one for you already. But again.

This woman can make a difference as she's previously been difficult; she's pretty much a stranger to OP's parents, siblings and their partners.

If they invite her there is a chance they'll have to change accommodation to fit her in, hire more expensive vehicle, maybe be in a different area to the one they wanted due to the accommodation issue.

Ok listen both of you @ILoveYou3000* @sleepingpup Are determined to paint the MIL as a villain. Fair enough.
I concede.*

Nope. Just pointing out OP is not a "spoilt cow with first world problems".