MIL expects to come on family holiday

[DisneyBaby]

My husband and I have been together 10 years, I am 30 and he is 28, we have just had our first baby together this year.

I have a big family and have always been very close with them throughout my life, and when I got together with my husband 10 years ago, my parents welcomed him in to the family like one of their own and we have had numerous holidays and good times altogether ever since.
My sister and brothers partners are the same and have been welcomed into the family, and we all get in very well and have a great time whatever we do.

My MIL, was a single mum and has always been a little jealous of the amount of time we spend with my family compared the amount of time we spend with her. We have fallen out with her numerous time over this, as well as over other things eg most recently when she made comments about how we are doing things with our baby daughter (which she says is caring, but we find negative and judgemental).

My family have gone to Florida every 4 years since I was young and have continued to do this even as we’ve grown up, we’re all big kids and love all the rides and shows, and now that we have started having children, we still intend to keep up the tradition of going frequently.

My MIL feels that we should invite her on long to Florida with my family as she is single and wouldn’t have anyone else to go with.

This puts me and my husband in a difficult situation because my family enjoy going to Florida as our family and wouldn’t want an additional person coming along on our family holiday.
My family do know her as she has been there for the odd Xmas etc, but they also know about all the rows we have had with her in the past and find her a little annoying, so aren’t particularly keen on her.

I appreciate that she is single and doesn’t have as many people to go on holiday with, but why should my family have to have her tag along with them?

We have suggested doing a separate holiday to somewhere else but she is adamant that Florida is where she wants to go to and she thinks we are being inconsiderate that she’s not invited to come along with us on my family’s holiday. I think she’s being unreasonable, and find it strange that she wants to come away with a family that isn’t hers.

Am I being unreasonable or is she being unreasonable?

This thread is nuts.
My in-laws and my mum get on quite well but they have only met a handful of times. My mum has nobody else to go on holiday with but she has never once demanded to be invited to family holidays with my in-laws! Why would she? They aren't her family. My SIL and BIL would find it pretty bloody weird as well.

Would you all be happy going on a family holiday and your sibling brought their MIL (who you barely know and don't particularly like) along too?

I could understand if it was a birthday event for the shared grandchild or something. But someone else's family holiday?! Bonkers responses you're getting here, OP.

Ok listen both of you @ILoveYou3000* @sleepingpup Are determined to paint the MIL as a villain. Fair enough.
I concede.*

Eh? No, we're explaining why the OP isn't the villain or mean or anything else she's been called on this thread. And how the request of the MiL isn't the norm and by refusing it the OP is doing nothing wrong.

@sauvignonblancplz

Why does anyone have to be the villain anyway?
That's your style isn't it.

I think the son is to blame just to you know be different.

After all it’s his mum and his job to make arrangements and plans and deal with her expectations.

Mil is a cf for wanting ops parents to take her on holiday, ops dh shouldn’t be dealing with that though not op.

Should be dealing with that though not op

Hate autocorrect at times.

That’s why it’s not in my nature to exclude people because certain aspects of their personality rub me the wrong way.

Whilst the MIL definitely shouldn’t expect an invite - you’re missing the fact that she has asked to go on this particular holiday. Not a different one, this one.
I just couldn’t say no unless there was an absolutely valid reason, not just she annoys me and can be offensive sometimes.

I’m sure we’re all guilty of being offensive .

*That’s why it’s not in my nature to exclude people because certain aspects of their personality rub me the wrong way.
*
just be nasty and snarky on here.

@sleepingpup Well yes I suppose so if that’s all you want to take from what I’ve said.
That’s your prerogative which makes sense in respect to your views.

I've been reading this from the start and I am shocked most think the op is unreasonable.

Florida isn't a cheap holiday why would you go and let mil who doesn't really know or get on with your family attend? Changing the dynamic of the trip?

The op has offered another trip to her mil.

Also it's her dh mum not hers, he should be making more of an effort if he wants too. He doesn't have to join the op and family on all the days/weekend trips if he didn't want too.

I guess people's idea of what a valid reason is, can differ.

For me, it's a valid reason that this is a holiday that has been organised and planned for, and budgeted for, by OP's parents, who understandably did not factor in OP's MIL as a potential attendee. That villas and vehicles have been booked based on the attendees they had factored in.

It's a shame MIL has her heart set on this particular holiday, but sometimes we don't always get what we want, and we need to accept that and adjust to it. I'm sure MIL hasn't got to whatever age she is without having learned that by now, but if she has, then it's well past time.

My familly would be

GM Mom SD 4 siblings/partners and GC GC partners and children

So total 20

Now add SD mother/sister/husband/children/GC Another 10
Mother’s brothers and families - another 21

Sib 1 husbands sister husband children’s father and children’s partners another 7

SIb 2 husbands father sister and children another 5

Sib 3 partners mother/father brother kids and partners another 8

Sib 4 partners mother/father/sisters partners and kids plus their own baby another 14

That’s 85 - obviously there will be a few others if you include brothers and sisters in-laws - so DHs sisters husbands mom and dad.

Or GC partners parents and siblings

Anyone got a bus?

Valid reasons

1. It’s not the ops holiday she is a guest as is her husband

2. The mil can arrange a Disney trip with both her sons/dils/grandchildren if she wants Disney so much

"MIL is an adult and if she’s told she’s not welcome she has to deal with that."

No need to tell her that.

She hasn't been invited by the people who have organised it.

She can read into that what she wishes!

Oh forgot the cousins - Mum has 13 cousins plus their partners children and grandchildren

Then there’s my fathers family 4 brothers plus wives children and grandchildren their partners and their in-laws

I’ll start again

It’s difficult because it does sound as though you are leaving MIL out. Is it your opinion or does your husband not what his mother to come along to Florida???

FOR FUCK'S SAKE OP ISN'T LEAVING ANYONE OUT OF ANYTHING - SHE IS GOING ON A HOLIDAY ORGANISED BY HER PARENTS WITH AN ESTABLISHED GROUP OF HER FAMILY, IT IS NOT HER PLACE TO INVITE SOMEONE TO A HOLIDAY THAT SHE HASN'T ORGANISED. SHE HAS OFFERED ANOTHER HOLIDAY WITH MIL THAT MIL DOESN'T WANT TO GO ON SO TOUGH SHIT.

OP HAS DONE FUCK ALL WRONG

@greentulips could you find room for the OPs MIL as well.

I know she doesn't really know any of you and is possibly a bit of a pain, but ... you know... mean and all that

How can anyone reasonably invite a third party to a family holiday organised and paid for in the main by someone else?

I wouldn’t invite my mother in law to a holiday organised by my siblings for siblings and their immediate families ie spouses and children.

I wouldn’t invite my mother in law to a family holiday organised by my parents for their kids and spouses and grandchildren.

As others have pointed out then every other in law would rightly be miffed at being excluded.

The mother in doesn’t want to go on any other holiday. Well she can organise her own Florida holiday and I’m sure if OP & her DH are happy to go to Dubai with her they’ll go to Florida again with her.

Why on earth does MIL need to go on this particular holiday. When it’s nothing to do with her.

Next she’ll be wanting to come on all family trips because those are the only trips she wants to take.

I can’t imagine my MIL wanting to do something so odd. And I love my MIL dearly. Perhaps this is why. Because she doesn’t insist the world revolve around her.

@howaboutchocolate it is!

Has no one got any manners?! You can’t just invite yourself to thing, you need to wait to be invited. If they don’t invite you then it’s tough. OP shouldn’t feel under pressure to invite her and if she does then her partner should deal with it -no that doesn’t mean giving in by the way

That’s your prerogative which makes sense in respect to your views.

No. Loads of people on here disagree with me. You're the only one who has had a pop at OP for what she can afford. ( irrelevant)

And implied I'm just "determined to paint MiL" the villain" as if I have no real argument.

And all this after proclaiming how laid back and welcoming you are.

@sauvignonblancplz

Just so you know I'm coming on all of your family holidays next year because I want to and if you don't let me you're horrible for leaving me out

nomorefencepostsplease

Would you like to come as well? Room for one more, bit then you’d be mean not to invite all your extended family. Give me the heads up on numbers.

I want to see OPs parents take on this.😁

@ThisShitCrazy I'm coming to! But only to somewhere I want to go. Reveal yourselves if you're going to St Lucia? Doesn't matter if your parents or in-laws are the ones going, I'll just go with them. I'm also open to offers of other Caribbean islands, although I hope the accommodation is to my liking.

• I just couldn’t imagine being so fortunate and then also so unwelcoming , esp when the person is my husbands mum. I do understand how the MIL is coming across as quite formidable and unhappy. However if the OPs family is so lovely how can this one woman make such a difference .

One woman who rarely sees them where her and her sons have a strained relationship. Who is to say this doesn’t all come to a head when MIL sees what OP’s family is like with each other and with her son. MIL wasn’t bothered about him going with them on the past trips since she was going off on holiday with her partner at the time. Is she really going to be comfortable seeing it up close? Is she going to be ok with hearing all about past trips, inside jokes, possibly reminded of the difference in her own relationships to her children , etc? What’s to say she won’t feel more lonely and like an outsider if she goes on this trip regardless how welcoming OP’s family could be? What if she makes rude remarks, offending OP’s family and embarrassing her son? That is definitely not going to help her relationship with him, is it? There are lots of other people to consider in all of this instead of just MIL’s wanting to go on a trip that her DIL’s parents planned.

Again, MIL could accept the trips offered but is choosing not to. Why, if she wants more time with her son and grandchild? MIL is also fortunate herself considering she has gone on holidays herself with others and it doesn’t sound like she invited her DIL’s family and OP mentioned that she has tried to plan trips with them and her BIL and it hasn’t worked out. Why is this all on OP’s family now that her MIL has decided she wants to go and call her DIL inconsiderate and rude over it.

@ILoveYou3000 yes please and as your families are booking and paying for it up front I'll have a deluxe room with a sea view. I'll pay you back closer to the time