MIL expects to come on family holiday

[DisneyBaby]

My husband and I have been together 10 years, I am 30 and he is 28, we have just had our first baby together this year.

I have a big family and have always been very close with them throughout my life, and when I got together with my husband 10 years ago, my parents welcomed him in to the family like one of their own and we have had numerous holidays and good times altogether ever since.
My sister and brothers partners are the same and have been welcomed into the family, and we all get in very well and have a great time whatever we do.

My MIL, was a single mum and has always been a little jealous of the amount of time we spend with my family compared the amount of time we spend with her. We have fallen out with her numerous time over this, as well as over other things eg most recently when she made comments about how we are doing things with our baby daughter (which she says is caring, but we find negative and judgemental).

My family have gone to Florida every 4 years since I was young and have continued to do this even as we’ve grown up, we’re all big kids and love all the rides and shows, and now that we have started having children, we still intend to keep up the tradition of going frequently.

My MIL feels that we should invite her on long to Florida with my family as she is single and wouldn’t have anyone else to go with.

This puts me and my husband in a difficult situation because my family enjoy going to Florida as our family and wouldn’t want an additional person coming along on our family holiday.
My family do know her as she has been there for the odd Xmas etc, but they also know about all the rows we have had with her in the past and find her a little annoying, so aren’t particularly keen on her.

I appreciate that she is single and doesn’t have as many people to go on holiday with, but why should my family have to have her tag along with them?

We have suggested doing a separate holiday to somewhere else but she is adamant that Florida is where she wants to go to and she thinks we are being inconsiderate that she’s not invited to come along with us on my family’s holiday. I think she’s being unreasonable, and find it strange that she wants to come away with a family that isn’t hers.

Am I being unreasonable or is she being unreasonable?

You sound really mean . You have effectively taken your husband away from his only blood relation .

It's a very common dynamic, I've seen it often. I think it reflects badly on the husband that he goes along with it

He didnt, it was one of the reasons she dumped him.

@OhCaptain I mean "you" as in both of them, not just the OP. I agree that it is down to him to sort out his side of the family but that if they spend time the three of them, with her family then surely they should try and do the same for her.

I'd be interested in the average ages of those saying YABU v YANBU......I wonder if those of us who are older are the ones seeing it more from the MIL's pov. When Iwas younger I would definitely been in the YABU camp, and I regret how mean I was to my ex MIL. She meant well and cared and we didnt give her the time and care she deserved. It came back to bite me when my sons ex fiancee did the same to me.....

Do all the people saying you're unreasonable have sons!? Or perhaps they are MILs themselves. I don't understand why anyone would think another person is entitled to join YOUR family's holiday. Of course they're not! Whoever they are!
YANBU. At all.

Nasty

The mean spirited and cruel people here are the ones who are piling onto the OP and collectively behaving like a bunch of spiteful rejected girlfriends. Get over yourselves and ask why you are so over-invested in the life of someone about whom you know nothing. Whats up? Missing Meghan Markle?

All one family now.

I could imagine my parents and my parents in law delighting in each other’s company trapped aboard having such lovely conversations and a wonderful time. Hahaha oh no right that would never ever happen. Chalk and cheese polite but that is all. His family, my family, our family. Some cross over. Others don’t.

If we split I wouldn’t see his parents or siblings and nor would be mine. That’s the difference being being family and your partners family.

You sound really mean . You have effectively taken your husband away from his only blood relation .

@Purpletigers

Well you definitely haven't read the thread.🙄

You sound really mean . You have effectively taken your husband away from his only blood relation .

Oh give over 🙄 He has a brother and a father. He is also a grown adult capable of making his own decisions about who he sees and how often. But yeah it's all the wife's fault!

@DisneyBaby does your husband still have a relationship with his dad?

Um, husband is a grown adult of capacity? Perhaps he is not the unwitting victim of his nefarious wife?

You sound really mean . You have effectively taken your husband away from his only blood relation

Read OP’s comments. He has a brother!

@nubeejinnings

Surely you're all one family now?

So every event your parents plan be it a holiday, dinner, day out, family lunch at theirs etc your in laws plus all your siblings in laws also attend??? My parents would hit the roof if they had to invite an additional 10 people (including in laws who have remarried) to any family event they plan! Let alone a 2 week holiday in florida!

I actually think incredibly rude of your mother in law to attempt to invite herself.

You have effectively taken your husband away from his only blood relation.

Yeah. For a couple of weeks while they join in her parents' family holiday, once every four years

Yeah. For a couple of weeks while they join in her parents' family holiday, once every four years

😂😂

It's okay he has his daughter with him, so still has a blood relation close by.

I hope your baby isn’t a boy OP or you may be looking at your future.

So, OP, are you happy with the prospect of having to allow your offspring to go on holiday with their in-laws once every four years without you? It sounds like a tall order!

As a lone mother with no family (plus ex & his family not interested) I've experienced a lot of loneliness & made huge sacrifices for my boys, way over & above the norm. If I were then pushed out like you're pushing your MIL out I'd be mortified. Perhaps she's not as 'fun' & easy going as you lot because she's had it bloody tough for a lot of years? I'm not sure I'd know how to behave as expected simply because I'm not used to that dynamic & would be overwhelmed at first. I'd enjoy getting used to it though & would appreciate the chance. For goodness sake, give that woman a chance. She deserves it!

I feel sorry for your MIL. I would definitely invite my MIL if she was alone and single. my family would probably invite her first anyway and make her feel welcome, it would also be nice for her to see her grandchild having fun.
I think it's selfish of you especially when's she's asked if she could come along.

He also has a brother and a father.

@Whenwillthisbeoveryiu can you not read? OP has already stated she has a daughter. Or are you deliberately ignoring her posts?

I would definitely invite my MIL if she was alone and single. my family would probably invite her first anyway and make her feel welcome,

How would you feel when she started causing rows, trashed the family dynamic and wrecked everyone's holiday?

I'd happily let mil come along, baby sitter for a night while you two can have a romantic meal in the evening together

For goodness sake, give that woman a chance. She deserves it!

Would that be the chance to cause rows and spoil the trip to Florida that only happens once every four years or the chance to go on a different holiday with the OP and her family that she has already been offered?

I am neither a MIL or have a son. I do have a widowed lonely DM, and DH has a massive, super close family (they all get on).
I do however, think it's really spiteful to start a thread, complaining about a MIL who to me, just wants to be involved more.
Given the OPs family don't even like the MIL based on what OP has told them about her, or they find her annoying from their limited interaction - so there was never any doubt about MIL joining them on the holiday was it? Its simply not going to happen.
Describing MIL as jealous because DH/OP spend more time with OP family than they do MIL, and they've even fallen out with her about it. It's all rather sad. No comments can be made about the PFB either, it's just deemed as negative and judgemental. It's clear neither OP or her family have much time for her, whether that's deserved or not we'll never know. You can paint anyone anyway you like on an anonymous forum and that's including making yourself out to be a saint when you may be anything but.

Seems very mean. Yabu.

For goodness sake, give that woman a chance. She deserves it!

How do you know? You don’t know her.