MIL expects to come on family holiday

[DisneyBaby]

My husband and I have been together 10 years, I am 30 and he is 28, we have just had our first baby together this year.

I have a big family and have always been very close with them throughout my life, and when I got together with my husband 10 years ago, my parents welcomed him in to the family like one of their own and we have had numerous holidays and good times altogether ever since.
My sister and brothers partners are the same and have been welcomed into the family, and we all get in very well and have a great time whatever we do.

My MIL, was a single mum and has always been a little jealous of the amount of time we spend with my family compared the amount of time we spend with her. We have fallen out with her numerous time over this, as well as over other things eg most recently when she made comments about how we are doing things with our baby daughter (which she says is caring, but we find negative and judgemental).

My family have gone to Florida every 4 years since I was young and have continued to do this even as we’ve grown up, we’re all big kids and love all the rides and shows, and now that we have started having children, we still intend to keep up the tradition of going frequently.

My MIL feels that we should invite her on long to Florida with my family as she is single and wouldn’t have anyone else to go with.

This puts me and my husband in a difficult situation because my family enjoy going to Florida as our family and wouldn’t want an additional person coming along on our family holiday.
My family do know her as she has been there for the odd Xmas etc, but they also know about all the rows we have had with her in the past and find her a little annoying, so aren’t particularly keen on her.

I appreciate that she is single and doesn’t have as many people to go on holiday with, but why should my family have to have her tag along with them?

We have suggested doing a separate holiday to somewhere else but she is adamant that Florida is where she wants to go to and she thinks we are being inconsiderate that she’s not invited to come along with us on my family’s holiday. I think she’s being unreasonable, and find it strange that she wants to come away with a family that isn’t hers.

Am I being unreasonable or is she being unreasonable?

There is no fucking way that every one of you moaning at the OP invite your in-laws to family holidays that you didn’t organise in the first place. No way!

My DH is American and I am sure I'm not my in-laws cup of tea all the time but they have been very welcoming and always invite me to everything.I encourage him to go without me

Which has what to do with it, exactly? You married their son. You are their daughter-in-law.

I should add that my sons ex fiancee was just like this. She would kick off massively if he wanted to see us (he has 5 siblings and she hated him seeing them too) but everything her family did, they had to do too.

And she couldnt work out why we werent mad keen on her......

@sleepingpup - me too! This thread has left me shocked. Who on earth thinks like this?

I love the “It won’t kill you to Invite her” lark. Not sure about anyone else but I have a slightly higher bar of expectations than “really awful but you won’t die” for expensive holidays!

You need to be more equitable about spending time with both sides of the family so she doesnt feel so pushed out.

There’s some real sexist bullshit on this thread.

It’s not OP’s job to appease her husband’s mother. If HE wants to step up, then HE should step up.

As it stands, it doesn’t seem like he wants to. And with good reason!

I do wonder if the MIL is reaping what she's sown. It is not uncommon for mothers of sons to be absolutely awful to their darling boy's other half, especially if that relationship starts when the DIL is very young and easy to dominate and undermine.

It takes both parties a while to realise when the power balance has shifted. Have a bit more confidence in your parenting, op and in your DH's love for you, then you can move to a place where you can be a bit more open with your MIL.

Oh God OP this is a total shitshow.

You have done nothing wrong, do not need to invite MIL on your family's holiday and certainly do not deserve the awful comments and name-calling you have received on this thread.

My God there are some nasty comments on here.

What is wrong with you people?

Are you having such a bad day that you feel the need to take it out on the OP? Or are you always so unpleasant?

Wow!!! You really are mean-spirited and miserable towards your mother-in-law! I would be gutted to have a daughter-in-law like you. Foul attitude.

@PyongyangKipperbang

I should add that my sons ex fiancee was just like this. She would kick off massively if he wanted to see us (he has 5 siblings and she hated him seeing them too) but everything her family did, they had to do too.

And she couldnt work out why we werent mad keen on her......

It's a very common dynamic, I've seen it often. I think it reflects badly on the husband that he goes along with it

Well, there's always the possibility that the MIL got the DIL (and son) and relationship with them, that she earned, and warrants.

*I should add that my sons ex fiancee was just like this. She would kick off massively if he wanted to see us (he has 5 siblings and she hated him seeing them too) but everything her family did, they had to do too.

And she couldnt work out why we werent mad keen on her......*

That's nice. But the OP's situation is nothing like what you've just described. She's invited her MiL on holiday, more than once. She goes on days out with her. She hasn't stopped her husband from seeing his mother or his brother. She's even tried to arrange a holiday with them both.

@sleepingpup me too!! It’s hilarious.

Sorry OP I know it’s not helping but this thread is brilliant. So many crazy entitled people on here. I’d be pissed if i was part of the group and you brought her along. Why should my holiday be ruined because she someone’s ‘family’.

@fairlyplump why is the DIL worse? Her DH is a grown man with his own mind, not a child who needs to be told what to do. Why is she horrible?? Why is she not allowed a holiday with her own family? Why does the MIL have to be included? I assume you take all family members on holiday with you?

Christ alive, you sound like my family. All the in laws get pushed out while they behave like The Waltons. Christmas is totally non negotiable, ot would never be spent with in laws, although they might be given the odd invitation and made to feel like an outsider.

If you are part of a very close family you have to be sure to look out for those who are not included.

I hope your baby isn’t a boy OP or you may be looking at your future.

Wow!!! You really are mean-spirited and miserable towards your mother-in-law! I would be gutted to have a daughter-in-law like you. Foul attitude.

Could you explain why you'd be gutted to have a DiL who invites you on days out and a holiday in either Dubai or Croatia?

Would you expect to go on a holiday that your DiL's parents have arranged with only her siblings and their partners (and possibly children)?

Wow!!! You really are mean-spirited and miserable towards your mother-in-law! I would be gutted to have a daughter-in-law like you. Foul attitude.

@Raella50

Wow!!! You'd try and pressure your DiL to take you on her parent's holiday?!!!
I bet she's gutted.

Surely you're all one family now?

If my daughter in law treated me like this I'd be devastated. I think it's mean minded and cruel.

Really? So you must be invited wherever her parents choose to go no matter what and if they don't invite you to every single family occasion you'll brand your DIL mean-minded and cruel?

Good luck with that.

Surely you're all one family now?

Do you literally never, ever do anything with your family that in-laws aren’t included in?

So if it’s your sister’s birthday and there’s a meal, everyone else brings their in-laws along?

I hope your baby isn’t a boy OP or you may be looking at your future.

Maybe in the future OP will happily accept the offer of a separate holiday with her son, DiL and grandchild and wave them off with a smile, wishing them a good time while they go on a different holiday with her family. And feel pleased that her child is in a position to enjoy holidays and has found themselves a partner whose family they've been welcomed into. You know because she's reasonable and doesn't feel entitled to any of her adult child's annual leave or valuable family time but appreciates greatly when it's given.

I’d like to know why offering to take the MIL on her own holiday with just her and the three of them instead isn’t good enough?

Surely you're all one family now?

Oh come on! This is getting ridiculous now 😂 Does this include the other three sets of in-laws?

Nt mean at all, unless you're going to be inviting every partners parents too. You can't get on and like everybody.

OP, I really feel for you. I feel like I a. In a parallel life reading some of the replies.

IT IS NOT THE OP’S FAMILY HOLIDAY. It is the family holiday of the OP’s parents. Pretend OP’s mum is Ann and mil is Zena. Zena is not Ann’s family. Ann is not Zena’s family. It is up to Ann & hubby to invite.

@Whenwillthisbeover

I hope your baby isn’t a boy OP or you may be looking at your future.

Do you expect to go on your DIL's parents' holidays?

OP says that her parents have only met MIL a few times - they barely know her. It's also likely that her siblings and their spouses barely know her either.
Parents are organising the trip, not the OP. And they don't want to invite MIL on the trip. It's irrelevant whether OP wants MIL there or not - it's not her place to invite MIL on a holiday hosted by other people.