MIL expects to come on family holiday

[DisneyBaby]

My husband and I have been together 10 years, I am 30 and he is 28, we have just had our first baby together this year.

I have a big family and have always been very close with them throughout my life, and when I got together with my husband 10 years ago, my parents welcomed him in to the family like one of their own and we have had numerous holidays and good times altogether ever since.
My sister and brothers partners are the same and have been welcomed into the family, and we all get in very well and have a great time whatever we do.

My MIL, was a single mum and has always been a little jealous of the amount of time we spend with my family compared the amount of time we spend with her. We have fallen out with her numerous time over this, as well as over other things eg most recently when she made comments about how we are doing things with our baby daughter (which she says is caring, but we find negative and judgemental).

My family have gone to Florida every 4 years since I was young and have continued to do this even as we’ve grown up, we’re all big kids and love all the rides and shows, and now that we have started having children, we still intend to keep up the tradition of going frequently.

My MIL feels that we should invite her on long to Florida with my family as she is single and wouldn’t have anyone else to go with.

This puts me and my husband in a difficult situation because my family enjoy going to Florida as our family and wouldn’t want an additional person coming along on our family holiday.
My family do know her as she has been there for the odd Xmas etc, but they also know about all the rows we have had with her in the past and find her a little annoying, so aren’t particularly keen on her.

I appreciate that she is single and doesn’t have as many people to go on holiday with, but why should my family have to have her tag along with them?

We have suggested doing a separate holiday to somewhere else but she is adamant that Florida is where she wants to go to and she thinks we are being inconsiderate that she’s not invited to come along with us on my family’s holiday. I think she’s being unreasonable, and find it strange that she wants to come away with a family that isn’t hers.

Am I being unreasonable or is she being unreasonable?

Your MIL has a shit son, and a worse daughter in law! How mean and selfish of you, poor woman.

she is just as much family as everyone else

Please tell me how this is even anywhere near accurate?
How is OP's parents' daughter's husband's mother even anywhere near the same as their own children and their partners? Good grief. OP grew up in a large and loving family. It is clear they all make the effort to see each other often and they all enjoy it. As their children have found partners, they have also been included in family get togethers.
When you get married you suddenly have this PIL/DIL relationship forced on you, despite there sometimes being no common ground at all, apart from the person you married. You can't invent or fake 20 plus years of fondness, love and memories with someone you just don't have much of a relationship with. It's natural to prefer your own family if you've come from a loving home. If OP's husband doesn't even want to spend time with her, why should OP?

The PPs suggesting MIL bring a friend gave hot to be taking the piss surely? Have you no concept at all of his fucking rude that would be? If she has friends that will go away with her then she should just do that, not insist she is invited on holiday with her daughter in law's parents and siblings.

OP sounds like an absolute bitch from her original post.

OP is not the one calling other women sexist, unpleasant names.

Think about it.

I thing to stop MIL arranging her own family holiday

But she knows that won’t happen because her sons aren’t keen. Nor the wives.

She made her choices years ago.

"Your MIL has a shit son, and a worse daughter in law!"

What-if the woman treats her husband's mother the same as he does, she's worse than him??!!

If my daughter in law treated me like this I'd be devastated. I think it's mean minded and cruel.

"Your MIL has a shit son, and a worse daughter in law!

You reap what you sow

"If my daughter in law treated me like this I'd be devastated. I think it's mean minded and cruel."

What-not inviting you on a holiday that her parents have organised?

And what would you think of your son?

oh sorry I really want tell you how horrible you are !

If my daughter in law treated me like this I'd be devastated. I think it's mean minded and cruel.

I and my DH have received a wedding invitation. We turn up to the reception with my MiL in tow, and tell the hosts we require them to set a place for her. Whether or not they like it, and irrespective of the fact that they haven't invited her.

AIBU?

it seems a bit mean spirited and nasty to exclude her yet everyone else is going.

No they're not. OP's BiL and his gf aren't going. The in-laws of OP's siblings aren't going.

This holiday is a mother and father taking their 4 children and partners, plus now grandchild on holiday. It isn't an extended family holiday. There are no aunts/uncles/cousins.

It's mean minded and cruel to resist your MIL inviting herself on a traditional family holiday with your side of the family, with whom she has no actual relationship? When she doesn't get on with her son, let alone her DIL?

It wouldn't kill you to include her

Maybe, but it isn’t OP planning the holiday, her parents are so MIL should be asking her parents, not OP.

p If my daughter in law treated me like this I'd be devastated. I think it's mean minded and cruel.

Do you put pressure on your DiL to get invited to things?

@madcatladyforever

His poor mother.

It's not just you, your husband and your baby, it's your whole family. There is room for one more person. It wouldn't kill any of you to be kind.

You want “fun and drinking” on a holiday? Shame shame shame! Clearly iv been doing holidays wrong!

If my daughter in law treated me like this I'd be devastated. I think it's mean minded and cruel.

You'd be devastated if your DiL invited you on days out, attempted to arrange a holiday with both sons and then suggested Dubai or Croatia for a holiday so you could spend time with your son and grandchild? Why?

*His poor mother.

It's not just you, your husband and your baby, it's your whole family. There is room for one more person. It wouldn't kill any of you to be kind.*

@WinnieWonder

Have you actually read the thread? Do you know who else is going on the holiday?

@madcatladyforever

Does your DIL invite you on holidays organised by her parents then?

This 'be kind' line trotted out has become so nauseating. How do you know the MIL is kind? It doesn't sound like she is from OP's updates. Her own sons aren't keen on spending time with her. Maybe OP is 'being kind' to her husband and her family by not insisting MIL gatecrashes their holiday. Why should all those people have to put up with that just so MIL can have her demands met?

It's not just you, your husband and your baby, it's your whole family.

And OP and her son have offered to take her on a different holiday where she won’t have to share her grandchild with the other grandparents and she has refused.

If MIL wants to go so bad, she could surely ask OP’s parents since she is an adult and all.

This is killing me !

I simply don't believe all these people would expect to go on their DiL's Parent's family holiday.

I don’t think you should have her on this holiday, but I feel very sorry for her from what you have written. Try and Imagine how you would feel if this situation was replicated with in the future. You are the single parent, and your daughter marries into a big fun family and thinks it is obvious why she would want to spend more time with them.

The OPs entire family have managed to form an opinion on MIL, and don't even like her just from what OP says about her. So just what is the point of this thread? MIL isn't welcome and won't be joining them at Disney.

Its nothing to do with Florida. If your family holiday was a week in Grimsby and you offered a holiday in Florida just you and DH and the baby she would insist on going to Grimsby.

She is jealous of your family. Frankly given the way you treat her I can see why, it is the classic case of the losing the son to wife's family. You need to be more equitable about spending time with both sides of the family so she doesnt feel so pushed out.

You dont sound like a very nice DIL tbh.