MIL expects to come on family holiday

[DisneyBaby]

My husband and I have been together 10 years, I am 30 and he is 28, we have just had our first baby together this year.

I have a big family and have always been very close with them throughout my life, and when I got together with my husband 10 years ago, my parents welcomed him in to the family like one of their own and we have had numerous holidays and good times altogether ever since.
My sister and brothers partners are the same and have been welcomed into the family, and we all get in very well and have a great time whatever we do.

My MIL, was a single mum and has always been a little jealous of the amount of time we spend with my family compared the amount of time we spend with her. We have fallen out with her numerous time over this, as well as over other things eg most recently when she made comments about how we are doing things with our baby daughter (which she says is caring, but we find negative and judgemental).

My family have gone to Florida every 4 years since I was young and have continued to do this even as we’ve grown up, we’re all big kids and love all the rides and shows, and now that we have started having children, we still intend to keep up the tradition of going frequently.

My MIL feels that we should invite her on long to Florida with my family as she is single and wouldn’t have anyone else to go with.

This puts me and my husband in a difficult situation because my family enjoy going to Florida as our family and wouldn’t want an additional person coming along on our family holiday.
My family do know her as she has been there for the odd Xmas etc, but they also know about all the rows we have had with her in the past and find her a little annoying, so aren’t particularly keen on her.

I appreciate that she is single and doesn’t have as many people to go on holiday with, but why should my family have to have her tag along with them?

We have suggested doing a separate holiday to somewhere else but she is adamant that Florida is where she wants to go to and she thinks we are being inconsiderate that she’s not invited to come along with us on my family’s holiday. I think she’s being unreasonable, and find it strange that she wants to come away with a family that isn’t hers.

Am I being unreasonable or is she being unreasonable?

I knew it would be centre Parcs almost full house first thread

Did you miss the rest of the sentence? Dubai or Croatia in addition to a proposed trip to Centre Parcs, but don't let facts get in the way of your thread Bingo.

Horrible to exclude her

don't you read the OPs posts? The MIL only separated from the FIL a few years before the OP and her DH got together so she did not raise him all on her own. He had a father too
The op only mentioned that pages in.It wasn't in her original post.

She said she was a single mum,made it sound like she did it on her own

If she didn’t care, then she wouldn’t have made up an effort at all.

Made an effort

" I wonder how many of you will be on MN in years to come, bitching about your DIL and how they are treating you"

Where is the MIL's son in all of this?

Why is it up to the DIL for there to be a relationship?

If you say so @sleepingpup.

@Keeva2017 I don't think the MIL should go either, I love my MIL but I don't even think I'd want to go on holiday with her so it's not that. It's the OP speaks about her MIL made me feel a bit sorry for her. I think it's up to her DH and her too to try and build a decent relationship for the sake of their DC I suppose.

Op has offered her a different holiday, and she has said no.

This! I wondering if she is trying to recreate her time with taking her sons to Disney, if so, this is definitely not the way to do it.

*Where is the MIL's son in all of this?

Why is it up to the DIL for there to be a relationship?*

I asked this many pages ago and strangely not one person calling the OP names has answered. Funny that.

And judging by the OP's subsequent posts both her husband and his brother like to keep their mother at arms length.

@diddl

" I wonder how many of you will be on MN in years to come, bitching about your DIL and how they are treating you"

Where is the MIL's son in all of this?

Why is it up to the DIL for there to be a relationship?

I wonder what the husband feels about the "my family is our family but your mother is not " setup. I can't speak for the OPs husband but I know how I would feel if it was my mother.

Can just tell those wishing a bad dil or only sons on op and that they push her out are parents of only boys panicking.

The mil doesn’t have a good relationship with any of her kids she’s hardly some little old lady who had a fabulous bond before nasty dil’s came along.

A dil can’t push a mum out on her own you know, your darling boys but would very much going along with it or shock horror could be the leaders of it. Also pushing mum out is an odd word, pushed out of what? A maturing adults life raising their own young children? An adult spending their time how they wish rather than pandering to another adults whims?

The problem here isnt so much the holiday, it is the fact the OP clearly ensures they see her own family a lot more than MIL. She has admitted this!

Then she complains MIL is difficult to get along with. It is probably awkward as they dont spend enough time with her for them all to find it comfortable. She isnt going to be all sunshine and rainbows if she is constantly left out is she?

If OP committed to spending more time with her, and she carried on being awkward, fair enough.

But it really sounds like at the first comment, OP saw an excuse to ditch MIL and justify spending all their time with her own family.

As far as what is polite is concerned, you can't invite her as it is not a holiday that you are organising.

She should not be inviting herself.

Your parents could invite her - but have not chosen to do so. That is fine as she is a distant connection and not a friend of theirs.

I'm sure that your husband and his brother could organise a family holiday for you all and include her... if they wanted to.

Perhaps they should if she wants more time with you all but it isn't really up to you (except to agree/disagree).

I’d be well pissed off as one of OPs other 9 family members to have MIL rock up and join us on our holiday.

As PP said, these other adult members have spent thousands on this holiday, what do they think about having someone they prob hardly know on their holiday? It would change the whole dynamic of the holiday

And yet it’s still dils fault that the women’s SON doesn’t arrange to spend more time with her.

Nasty dils everywhere husbands locked up away with no free will. 😏

Yes I have read the whole thread, it's even in the OP that she thinks MIL is jealous and they have fallen out over it.

Come on now, it's generally always the MIL and DIL at loggerheads. There's a billion threads on here where the DIL is the one putting her foot down/setting boundaries and whatever term you want to use which is basically putting MIL in their place. We generally never get to hear what the DH input is

You seem mean and tbh a bit spiteful
It sounds like you are all one big happy family apart from this one lady who is probably desperate to be accepted - and goes the wrong way about it?
All sounds clannish to me and one of th best things about a big happy family is the welcome they can provide to those who are not lucky- really - what is so hard about having her with you all.....if it was jus the 2 of you or even an established foursome then fair enough but this jus sounds mean

"I wonder what the husband feels about the "my family is our family but your mother is not setup."

Why is it up to Op's family to include MIL?

The husband has a brother & they could do family things with their mum if they wanted to.

It's not your invitation to give. It's sad for her but it would probably be very awkward and seen as you and your husband's responsibility to look after her.

Surely this only comes up every four years? A firm no, sorry, not our place to invite you, shut it down.

My teens will no doubt be off to fly the nest and enjoy holidays with other people friends boyfriends husbands and children

I am planning my own escapes with my friends and husband.

It’s not OPs fault MIL is needy and can’t find a friend to go with. If she really wanted it she’d sort it out herself

The problem here isnt so much the holiday, it is the fact the OP clearly ensures they see her own family a lot more than MIL. She has admitted this!

I'll ask again: Why is it the OP's responsibility to facilitate a relationship with her MiL? Is this not down to the husband/son?

Both OP and her husband are adults and entitled to arrange their time as they see fit. OP is allowed to spend time with her family, it's up to her husband if he wants to do the same or if he'd rather see his mother. It would appear he doesn't. But of course, that's OP's fault.

If OP’s husband can’t be arsed spending time with his own mother, why should OP do it?

My DS and DIL spend nearly every Easter holiday with her family in France. Should I insist on an invite next year?

I wouldn’t want mil on a holiday with my family, and it’s a little cheeky of her to invite herself along.

Offering another holiday is the ideal solution.

I don’t think it would hurt you to ask your family if she could come just this once. You obviously love Disney, and as others have said it’s not the kind of place you can do on your own, so why not let her have the experience?! She might also be a useful babysitter so you could have a meal out with DP one night!!
She sounds like she slightly envies what you and your family have, so just be kind?

Things have moved on since page 1 where I posted.
Of course your family don’t have to invite her.
No one is suggesting that she has to be invited to everything your family does from now on.
It’s perfectly fine not to invite her obviously.

I am still left with a feeling of sadness for her - it takes a lot for someone to say ‘can I be included in your family holiday this time’ - I honestly got the impression from everything you wrote that she is lonely and envious of what you all have together and wants to be part of it.
I also read that you really don’t like her which is fine and she may be a pita but she is just as much family as everyone else. Got the impression you didn’t think that.