MIL expects to come on family holiday

[DisneyBaby]

My husband and I have been together 10 years, I am 30 and he is 28, we have just had our first baby together this year.

I have a big family and have always been very close with them throughout my life, and when I got together with my husband 10 years ago, my parents welcomed him in to the family like one of their own and we have had numerous holidays and good times altogether ever since.
My sister and brothers partners are the same and have been welcomed into the family, and we all get in very well and have a great time whatever we do.

My MIL, was a single mum and has always been a little jealous of the amount of time we spend with my family compared the amount of time we spend with her. We have fallen out with her numerous time over this, as well as over other things eg most recently when she made comments about how we are doing things with our baby daughter (which she says is caring, but we find negative and judgemental).

My family have gone to Florida every 4 years since I was young and have continued to do this even as we’ve grown up, we’re all big kids and love all the rides and shows, and now that we have started having children, we still intend to keep up the tradition of going frequently.

My MIL feels that we should invite her on long to Florida with my family as she is single and wouldn’t have anyone else to go with.

This puts me and my husband in a difficult situation because my family enjoy going to Florida as our family and wouldn’t want an additional person coming along on our family holiday.
My family do know her as she has been there for the odd Xmas etc, but they also know about all the rows we have had with her in the past and find her a little annoying, so aren’t particularly keen on her.

I appreciate that she is single and doesn’t have as many people to go on holiday with, but why should my family have to have her tag along with them?

We have suggested doing a separate holiday to somewhere else but she is adamant that Florida is where she wants to go to and she thinks we are being inconsiderate that she’s not invited to come along with us on my family’s holiday. I think she’s being unreasonable, and find it strange that she wants to come away with a family that isn’t hers.

Am I being unreasonable or is she being unreasonable?

Sorry, but I wouldn’t want her tagging along. My guards go straight up when somebody starts being “adamant” about something. And inviting yourself to anything that you weren’t invited to to begin with is just plain rude and bad manners.

@Billben

Sorry, but I wouldn’t want her tagging along. My guards go straight up when somebody starts being “adamant” about something. And inviting yourself to anything that you weren’t invited to to begin with is just plain rude and bad manners.

Sorry but not sorry eh?

@SunshineCake

You are her family as her DIL and mother of her grandchild and clearly she is your dh family. Your dh gets to come along with your birth lot so...

But she offered a holiday to MIL

Just not the one her parents organise!

Genuine question: How is OP coming across as immature? What in her posts have I missed that show her to be childish?

Goodness, there are some very odd people on this thread.

It's not mean not to invite her. It is very rude of her to try and invite herself.

We recently took our kids/their partners/grandkids on holiday. Should we have invited their respective in-laws/siblings along in case we seemed mean?

Do you never go on holiday unless everyone in your extended family comes along?

The idea of going on holiday with all sets of grandparents sounds like absolute hell to me.

Why wouldn't you invite the grandmother of your child, mother of your partner, along on a family holiday? You sound awful!

Err because it's a family holiday but ,
NOT MiL's FAMILY!
And it's not OP's holiday to invite anyone on.

MiL sounds AWFUL expecting to go!

I wonder if the holiday itself is just the tip of the iceberg?
It sounds to me as if MIL is feeling pretty rejected, left out and very much the inferior grandmother.
OP sorry if you have already told us but does she get to see much of her son and grandchild?

I can see both sides to this - I also come from a big family and my DH and I prefer spending time with my family but we do make an effort with MIL too.
We have also been on a few holidays with my parents over the years, but would find it really odd if my MIL came with us. They don’t really know each other and I think she would find it awkward as well, so I can understand that part.

If you go to Florida every 4 years then one of those years in between you could go somewhere else with MIL, like other posters have said.

I don’t think YABU for not wanting her to go with you to Florida as I get that is something you do with your Parents etc but i think you should definitely try to include her in more activities. Get her involved and excited about a separate trip away so she doesn’t feel like she’s being pushed out. Sell it to her that you would have more one on one time with with her.

If you were in her shoes, I think you would be abit jealous/sad too.

You truly sound awful, with no empathy whatsoever..

Its a big huge family holiday,its not like shes asking to go on their honeymoon.

I think what gets me is,its just not equal.And i dont only blame you,her son is just as bad.

As i said earlier i think you need to do your own traditions,rather than going to your family all the time.

OP, unfortunately, you sound really selfish and completely unempathetic. If you are on a holiday with the rest of your family, your privacy is already shot, would it kill you to include her? Were you one of those "mean girls" in school as well? I am sure you have no idea how petty and unkind you sound. Please sit down and have a long think about it and try to find some compassion and kindness for the woman that raised your husband, all on her own.

And agree with PO. You sound incredibly immature, and the smug tones to your post as cringeworthy

I think inviting your MiL who sounds rude and entitled on a holiday ( Croatia?) sounds very nice. And the opposite of immature.

Also where would you stop with the invitations? Some of these comments are just ridiculous. Maybe as your siblings are going you should invite your DHs sibling too but, oh no, they don't get on with MIL either. Perhaps your sisters DH could bring his family too? I think people have missed that this is a holiday your parents organise as a regular thing. Lots of families do this. We are doing Centre Parcs next year with ours but haven't invited my SILs parents. They went on holiday with DD and her family last year and we were not miffed we did not get an invite.

This does not sound like some easy going MIL who will just slot in to a family who don't know her very well especially if her own sister and sons find her awkward. A Florida holiday is expensive so why would you risk spoiling it. I don't know why people are saying they feel sorry for someone they do not even know. Just because she is a MIL that does not make her nice and I say that as a MIL myself. We get on fine with my SILs parents and are happy to socialise with them but do not go on holiday with them.

How much effort does MIL put into nurturing a positive relationship with her son, DIL, and grandchild? Because it's unreasonable to expect everyone else to do the work to create and maintain positive relationships. And if that is your expectation, and modus operandi, then yes, you are likely to end up lonely, as people get fed up, and give up, particularly if they feel that nothing they ever do is good enough, or right.

MIL has been offered reasonable alternatives, that do not impinge on a whole entire family that is (apart from OP, her DH, and child) without any ties or relationship with MIL.

But she wants exactly what she wants, on her terms, without regard for anybody else. That's unreasonable.

It's not your holiday to be able to invite people.

It's a holiday planned and organised by your parents.

sneakers she's been offered a separate trip- doesn't want it- only this Florida one.

. . . to do all the work. . . that was meant to say.

OP, unfortunately, you sound really selfish and completely unempathetic.

what for suggesting a holiday to Croatia with her MiL?

It's a shame there's no vote on here @DisneyBaby. It seems the majority disagree with you.

Have you thought that your mil might want to enjoy disney with the grandchildren. Instead of Croatia!

My friend brings the mam. They have go with her agenda in the evening. Thats not fair either. I dont feel guilted into nor do my siblings!

OP how does your husband feel about your statement 'my parents welcomed him in to the family like one of their own and we have had numerous holidays and good times altogether ever since.'.
Have you ever asked him if this is what he wants? Do you think maybe he might like a different type of holiday? Maybe just the three of you?

If your family are as welcoming as you say they are I don't see why inviting MiL along is such a big issue? You said 'My sister and brothers partners are the same and have been welcomed into the family, and we all get in very well and have a great time whatever we do.' so why doesn't this apply to MiL?

I could fully understand your position is you wanted a family holiday solely with your DH and child but it sounds like there will be coach loads of others there too.

It sounds like you are joined to the hip with your family and don't make any time for DH family. Do you do anything without your family? You sound like hard work

@CourtneyLurve

Is this a reverse? Because you sound like a jerk.

I agree.

@PixelatedLunchbox

Please sit down and have a long think about it and try to find some compassion and kindness for the woman that raised your husband, all on her own.

Why don't you read the OPs posts? The MIL only separated from the FIL a few years before the OP and her DH got together so she did not raise him all on her own. He had a father too. She is single now but has not always been so. She seems to have a knack of alienating people probably because of her entitled attitude.

Just to add a little more info about our situation.

Ah yes. The drip feed ...