Friend sending husband porn - would you be upset?

[calmama]

My husband has a sketchy friend who sends him stupid little porn videos. I only realised this because I was flicking through his camera roll to look at photos of our son when one popped up. Great juxtaposition. I guess it had automatically saved there from his WhatsApp. It was a woman giving a blowjob. I’m not naive. I realise men watch this stuff. But honestly, sending it to your mates like a bloody 14-year-old? I’ve since happened upon another - once again a blowjob. Husband says he doesn’t send such things himself and thinks it’s stupid but reckons all men are like this. Says I would be shocked at how crude men really are when they think women aren’t listening.

Now all I think of when I see said friend is his childish obsession with staged blowjobs and his furry teeth (very poor hygiene) - two very real reasons he finds it hard to get a real woman to have sex with him I imagine.

Question is, AIBU to wonder why my husband has such a twat for a friend? AIBU to think if he really values the friendship he should at least tell the guy to stop sending these demeaning videos? Or is my husband a giant twat too...

That is really, really weird. The men I know would be mortified by this.

Your husband’s friend is a twat. Your husband is a bit of a twat too for not telling him to stop.

For a start he needs to change his phone settings so they don’t automatically save.

@zscaler It IS weird, right?! It’s like guy friends watching porn together. In the same room. Freakin weird.

DH and friend do this daily.
I'm one of the few who see absolutely no issue whatever and cannot understand the fuss. I have neither the time nor inclination to get annoyed about something like that. Far better things to focus my time and energy on

I would have to say something next time I saw that grubby little incel person.

"It's really not cool to send porn to my husband's phone. You never know who might be looking at it. Nice teeth by the way."

Urgh my husband is in a WhatsApp group with his football pals. There’s about 20 of them in there and he knows some better than others. He doesn’t post much in it but it pings non-stop and they’re always sending each other stuff like that. Not out and out porn videos but joke stuff - things like a porn scene with someone else in the chat’s head photoshopped in, that sort of thing.

Husband isn’t hugely interested in it, might have a bit of a laugh when they come in. I don’t care about it. It’s juvenile but I cannot get excited about it. What does concern me is that my five year old borrows my phone a lot (and sometimes his) so he’s now very careful a lot deleting them.

I didn’t know you could change the settings so they don’t automatically save so I’ll need to let him know.

DH has a work group on WhatsApp that send these things.Its immature and I regularly eyeroll but I dont see it as a big deal.

@2007Millie but whhhhyyyyyy do they do it? It’s so juvenile and such a weird public display of something private.

I also can’t understand the fuss, this is really common. Doesn’t make it nice or understandable, but loads of blokes send each other porn.

This is a whole new world to me. The men in my life would cringe to death if their friends sent them porn.

@zscaler

Hugely debatable, but I see it as just a thing men do. Men enjoy lots of bizarre things that women would deem childish and would never do.

It is weird. Men do this as a way to humiliate women - which seems to be a primal instinct some men have. It's the same thing that leads to hang bangs with one woman and many men. Men bonding over treating women as an object. Gross.

YABU. I don’t see an issue with it But then I don’t see an issue with porn either 🤷‍♀️

If that’s what your DH and his friend want to do, that’s up to them, not you.

Yeah dh's WhatsApp group has "funny clips" sometimes porn based. He's not into it, but says it's normal, men are immature etc. I think it's sad. However, I think one bloke sending it to one bloke is really, really strange.

@toebeans2

It is weird. Men do this as a way to humiliate women - which seems to be a primal instinct some men have. It's the same thing that leads to hang bangs with one woman and many men. Men bonding over treating women as an object. Gross.

That's what I mean. It's women on their knees. If it were something less demeaning I doubt I would be so grossed out. I've seen plenty of porn that manages not to demean women.

I wonder if men would be pleased if women got together to share images of men going down on women. Interesting.

It has a real flavour of ‘while the women aren’t around we can show how we really feel about them’ to it. I think that’s why it’s so gross.

I know someone who does this. Once he sent to my husband then followed up with "wrong chat" message. turns out he's got a whole group of mates he does it with on an old stag do chat. How gross is that!!?

It's a bit gross, but I don't think you should tell your husband to get his mate to stop it. That seems a bit controlling. I would hate to be told what I had to tell a friend!

Personally I'd let it pass and stop checking his phone!

@CloudsCanLookLikeSheep

It's a bit gross, but I don't think you should tell your husband to get his mate to stop it. That seems a bit controlling. I would hate to be told what I had to tell a friend!

Personally I'd let it pass and stop checking his phone!

Never said I have told him to do anything about it.

Never said I was checking his phone.

Please don't make judgements without having evidence.

So crass. Ignorant, childish.

My husband would die if anybody sent him that stuff.

To make it worse, he’s just turned up 🤢

An old FWB of mine used to say that men who are getting plenty of sex don’t feel the need to talk about it with their mates. Men who aren’t getting any, do.

He never felt the need to talk about it

In an all male group chat, normal for there to be one or two eejits like this.

One on one, unless it was particularly funny and part of an in-joke, then no, not normal

It will be a WhatsApp group in all likelihood, not sent specifically to your oh.