Friend sending husband porn - would you be upset?

[calmama]

My husband has a sketchy friend who sends him stupid little porn videos. I only realised this because I was flicking through his camera roll to look at photos of our son when one popped up. Great juxtaposition. I guess it had automatically saved there from his WhatsApp. It was a woman giving a blowjob. I’m not naive. I realise men watch this stuff. But honestly, sending it to your mates like a bloody 14-year-old? I’ve since happened upon another - once again a blowjob. Husband says he doesn’t send such things himself and thinks it’s stupid but reckons all men are like this. Says I would be shocked at how crude men really are when they think women aren’t listening.

Now all I think of when I see said friend is his childish obsession with staged blowjobs and his furry teeth (very poor hygiene) - two very real reasons he finds it hard to get a real woman to have sex with him I imagine.

Question is, AIBU to wonder why my husband has such a twat for a friend? AIBU to think if he really values the friendship he should at least tell the guy to stop sending these demeaning videos? Or is my husband a giant twat too...

This is not weird. This is SO common in any all-male chat groups. Seriously. Men are basic creatures sometimes.

Whilst having a BBQ with friends once , our children of all ages also present,the friends husband, who I had only met briefly a few times, showed me a weird porn video...

I think he was going for the "funny shock factor", I laughed it off BUT , shouldve told him it was inappropriate!!

Needless to say, No further BBQs arranged!

If I were in your situ, I would outright tell the friend TBH

My dh has one friend in a group chat who sends those "hilarious" type of videos where the volume is up high and its fake orgasms etc. Dh was a bit nonplussed how to deal with it so I said just tell them our eldest uses his phone and not to send stuff like that any more. Sorted. (it doesn't take away from the fact the man in question is an immature prick but at least it's not my problem any more)

I game online, it is dominated by men, women are there but they tend to not go in to chat groups due to the risk of being exposed to vile behaviour or subjected to harassment. I belong to many all women gaming forums and have read serious research on the issue. Many assume I’m a young male, over the years I have heard some real shockers..

When in all male group acceptance seems to be really wanted so they go along with stuff, just like your partner is. If my DH accepted stuff like that and I knew I would think a lot less of him. Trouble is they are adults we can’t tell them off like children. I would say his mate is scum and refuse to see or speak to him because I can choose who I spend time with.

I’m afraid zscaler post rings very true to me.

It's grim that lots of men get a kick out of watching and sharing videos where women are being sexually abused.

But hey if that's something you don't mind your partner enjoying, that's up to you.

@Ihaventgottimeforthis

It's grim that lots of men get a kick out of watching and sharing videos where women are being sexually abused.

But hey if that's something you don't mind your partner enjoying, that's up to you.

Where did I say the woman was being abused?

I think all those saying, “oh it’s just blokes, it’s normal,” etc etc only know a certain type of “bloke.” This is clear.

The fact is some men do this. The ones at the more sad end of the spectrum. Others don’t.

It’s a bit like “short men syndrome.” Some men are insecure and feel they have to prove something. Show-offs and loudmouths who have most to compensate for.

Does my DH watch porn? Yes sometimes. Would he be impressed if his friends sent it to him? No, he would think they were dickheads.

This friend is a moron, but sadly women are being conditioned to accept morons as “normal” men and to excuse their behaviour far and wide.

All your H has to do is tell him to stop sending it. Simple as that. The fact he hasn’t done so, probably means he’s just as moronic, sadly,

Most group chats are like this. My girls group chat certainly has some dodgy stuff being sent around too.
Women enjoy blowjobs too btw.

Calmama not speaking of your DH specifically, perhaps with that clip there was a disclaimer saying it was a woman over 18 and it was consensual.

But there is a high rate of sex abuse in the porn industry, and it is one that is built around manipulating, demeaning and controlling women.

And I think it's a short hop from laughing at a clip of a blowjob to smirking at a video of a gang bang or rape re-enactment. Where do men think it crosses a line? Slapping? Hair-pulling? Forced sex? Teen videos?
Perhaps I am taking it all too seriously and it's only a joke, but there's a reason that a lot of women find porn problematic (and not as many men).

StarScream yes lots of women enjoy sex and blowjobs and stuff.

It's not the sex act I have a problem with, it's the circumstances which surround the filming and sharing.
Lots of women work in the porn industry and are independent, safe and in control. Many many women and girls are abused within it as well. It perpetuates problematic sexual attitudes and behaviours in young people, and encourages demeaning of women in adults too.

I'm not saying porn can't be ethical and safe and consensual, I'm sure it can. But most of it isn't, and I don't think some men give a shit about that.

I’m not sure I’d be that upset, but I would think less of DH and his friends. Not because it’s porn but because it seems like something a 13 year old would do - send a blowjob gif to his mates. DH and friends don’t do this. I know because I use his phone loads throughout the day (it’s connected to our scanner and mine is shit). I would probably shrug it off to be honest but yes, ew.

Women have very little idea of how much men hate them

Germaine Greer

Ugh the idea of all these men walking around with images of women being sexually subjugated in their pockets, trading then between each other like women's bodies are fucking pogs or football stickers or something. All the while women just going about their day being expected to think this is normal and the body they're in is a commodity to be swapped and leered at.

I could not put up with this in a partner. Makes me heave.

I'm a feller. I think this is weird and grim. None of my good friends would ever do this, and I think that's the norm.

I think it's interesting that so many men have a mate who sends it to them or are in groups where the other men post these things but they don't do it or approve of it in fact they are totally bemused by it all

^The fact is some men do this. The ones at the more sad end of the spectrum. Others don’t.

It’s a bit like “short men syndrome.” Some men are insecure and feel they have to prove something. Show-offs and loudmouths who have most to compensate for.^

In my experience this is bang on. Backwards insecure misogynistic little wankers.

I fucking hate being lumped in with these, you know. I feel I have nothing in common with them except a Y chromosome.

My husband has a couple of loose friends that send him kinda funny porn clips. I dont really care, I'm not bothered about porn though . It doesn't really mean anything

@thedancingbear

I'm a feller. I think this is weird and grim. None of my good friends would ever do this, and I think that's the norm.

Thanks for your input. Good to know it’s not the norm. Not nice to know my husband is grim 🙁

No ,normal men aren’t like this past the age of probably 18 !
He’s talking shit

OH was in a group with work men and this was on going, OH never posted or replied on the porn and images.

I wasn't happy and told him he should tell his mate to stop, he did.

No more messages like that.

Your husband might not be weird and grim, he might just not know how to tell his friend to stop sending him gross shit on whatsapp.

Of course men who do interact as if they’re 15 at the age of 20 / 30 / 40 will say “all men go it,” ”it’s just a laugh,” etc. Women who socialise with these kind of men will get conditioned to think it’s normal. It’s a bit like, “if you can beat them, join them,” sadly.

But all men don’t interact like this. The ones who will tell you they do, just don’t know any better.

All men do NOT do this.

Sleazy, immature men do it.

Very unfair to assume it's wide spead.

My husband is on several large WhatsAp groups for sports and friends etc.

Lots of very funny videos but that's it.

Some might be mocking marriage etc.....all very fu nny.... but absolutely nothing even approaching porn of any sort.

OP,
Do not be afraid of your emotions.
You have every right to be seriously unimpressed.

he might just not know how to tell his friend to stop sending him gross shit on whatsapp

He could use words. Fancy that.

Whatever your stance on porn personally I find it odd that they send clips to eachother. What accomponies it? Check this out lads, what a great BJ. Or does it just randomly get sent when asking what someone is up to? There's plenty readily available, what is the need to send it? Weird.