Too old for a 3rd child?

[HappyDays36]

I’m 42, recently split with husband. I have 2 boys aged 4 and 6.

I’m a hopeless romantic and still believe in love and marriage.

I work in an industry full of young, good looking, intelligent men (lucky me!). If I date one of these guys and things get serious then he might want a family and a biological child of his own. I’m open to that.

Has anyone been in that situation?

AIBU to think that at 42 I might meet someone new and have a baby with them while still fertile??

YABU - you’re too old to meet someone new and have another baby.
YANBU - anything is possible

The guy l have in mind is 28 and these guys are 24-36 in general.

Your not too old at 42 it could happen. Do you feel incomplete? What exactly do you think you will be gaining by having a third?.

The way you have wrote this is like a fairy tale you may get pregnant to somebody who is a lousy father and makes your life rather difficult.

....so you fancy a 28 year old and want to know, if he actually likes you back, if you can go on to have a child with him? This seems a bit odd.

I do think at 42 with two children you do have to realise that won’t be something a lot of 28 year old men want to deal with. I’m sorry to sound horrible. Have a fling if you want, but I wouldn’t be planning marriage and babies with a younger man before you’ve even gone on a date, especially when you’re marriage is only recently over!

1. Only have a child if you want one (even if it means rejecting men who want them).
2. A 28 year old might not want to start a family asap (which you would realistically need to do at 42).

If you were TTC now, you would probably have about a 50/50 chance. But if you get together with this 28yr old, I'm assuming you aren't going to start trying for a year or two, until you know things are serious? In which case yes that is probably too late.

Sounds like a lovely crush/daydream though OP!

Seriously the guy you have In mind? I think you are on a rebound and while it could happen with you and this bloke it's unlikely...you've said you work with young fit men so you are pinning your hopes on your workmates, remember you have to work with them if it all fucks up...I think you're fantasising and bred to get real.

Need not bred

I think you need to give your head a serious wobble.

Honestly, you sound like a silly school girl right now. Have you even thought about what's best for your existing children?

You have only recently split. Don't throw a baby and new relationship into the mix. That's a lot to ask of your DC.

42 might not be too old to have a baby but 57 is way too old to be having to deal with your 15 year old. Who needs that shit?

You're not even divorced and want to get pregnant by a man nearly half your age. FOR FUCK'S SAKE.

Hey @FaceOfASpink! I'm 58 with a 15 and a 16 year old!
But seriously, I doubt a 28 year old would want to start a family with a 42 year old. Why not have some fun? Why think of having a kid?

Why would you do that to your kids?

Nope you're too old I'm afraid.

Sorry, it's a nice fantasy, but I can't see it happening tbh. And what happens when this hunky guy is still youthful and looking good at 56 and you are 70?

I'm a hopeless romantic too, but in your situation I'd buy a new vibrator and get the divorce settled first.

I don't think you're too old. I am 41 and would love another baby but as my husband is older he doesn't want anymore children.

But you’re not ready to TTC right now are you if you’ve not even started a relationship? Are you planning on trying for a baby immediately? So really you need to be thinking at least age 43/44 If you want to allow time and a committed relationship first.

In reality it isn't a good idea, not the age groups you speak of, but don't imagine a 28 year old would wan't a child,especially as you have two children already.

Has this buff 28 year old even expressed an interest in you or is this all a case of but we have gazed at each other in the staff canteen and I can tell from his eyes he has deep abiding feelings for me.

I think your peri-menopausal hormones are making you completely delusional.

I was nearly 40 when I had my youngest and both my mum and my MIL had babies at over 40 with no problems, so yes, it is definitely possible to have a baby in your early 40s. So in that sense, no you are not being unreasonable. However, all the 40+ mums I know were already in long lasting stable relationships which I think does make a difference. I think it is harder and more tiring than when you are younger, there are more likely to be complications in the pregnancy and there is of course a higher risk of the baby having Down Syndrome or other chromosomal abnormalities. There's a lot to think about and deal with when contemplating a pregnancy at your age under any circumstances, but with a new partner, so soon after a split - is that really wise? There is a lot that could go wrong and how would you feel if your new man upped and left if the going got tough?
You say you have a guy in mind, but does he have the same kind of feelings as you? It isn't impossible obviously, but realistically how many young men are looking for a serious long term relationship with someone 14 years older than themselves with 2 children already? I'm not saying that being in your 40s makes you unattractive, and this guy or another of your colleagues may indeed be interested in some kind of a relationship, but would they be in it for the long haul or just fancy a fling? Honestly, I'd say the latter is more likely from what I've observed.
And is it that you want a baby and are seeking a father for it, or do you feel that you have to be willing to have a baby in order to attract a new man? Either scenario is full of potential difficulties, but whatever you do don't agree to have a baby that you don't really want in order to "catch" a man. That rarely ends well for anybody.
It sounds like you have been through a rough time, but don't you think you are letting your mind run away with you a bit here? You've only just split with your husband, you have two young children who are likely to be traumatised by what has happened and you are already thinking about a new baby with a man two thirds of your age that you haven't even started a relationship with? I don't want to sound unkind, but honestly, this fantasy is better left as just that. Get your divorce sorted out, focus on your existing children and let everyone get used to things before you even start to think about a new relationship. I can imagine you probably feel scared, hurt and lonely right now, but rushing into a new relationship and a high risk pregnancy really isn't the way to deal with that. Look after yourself and your babies and rebuild your lives first. You are not too old for a new relationship and I really hope you do meet someone who makes you happy in due course, but don't rush into anything.

42 going on 20..
Yes, you're too old.

This scenario sounds like disaster.

My mum had a baby at 42 and another at 44 and there was a woman of 52 in the same ward! It could happen but please make sure the relationship is stable or be prepared to bring up three kids on your own.