Too old for a 3rd child?

[HappyDays36]

I’m 42, recently split with husband. I have 2 boys aged 4 and 6.

I’m a hopeless romantic and still believe in love and marriage.

I work in an industry full of young, good looking, intelligent men (lucky me!). If I date one of these guys and things get serious then he might want a family and a biological child of his own. I’m open to that.

Has anyone been in that situation?

AIBU to think that at 42 I might meet someone new and have a baby with them while still fertile??

YABU - you’re too old to meet someone new and have another baby.
YANBU - anything is possible

If you were in a stable living relationship then I don't think 42 is too old. However bringing a baby into your life now is probably not a good idea.

Is this the plot of a new novel?

You don’t sound romantic, you sound utterly selfish.

Ahhh of course a reverse! Makes much more sense now.

It’s nice to daydream, OP, but your children are going to be suffering the fallout from your breakup. Get real and put them first. They don’t need their main caregiver to be giving headspace to some crush. Sorry if that sounds harsh. I currently have a crush on one of my Zoom language class companions but heck, real life beckons.

Ah, that would make sense, the ops husband has hooked up with a younger woman and is considering having kids with her.

There's been a lot of these random made up threads lately.

I don’t think you’re unreasonable, you’ve been through a traumatic time and we all need to hope and dream. How about a different scenario why you meet someone in a similar position to yourself, he could give your DC support and love and you could do the same for his DC because you’d both be able to understand what they’ve been through? Romance comes in all shapes and sizes!

What the fudge op. Do you hear what you are saying?

This isn’t made up and it isn’t a reverse.

My reason for asking is because I have a mutual attraction with this guy but I don’t want to get hurt. I don’t want to be in a situation where we date, fall in love then 2-3 years later he says he wants children but I can’t give him children by then because I’m too old. And this isn’t just about this guy, let’s call him J. I think J is great but I’m thinking whether it’s J or someone else, I could get really hurt.

I’m 42 but look about 32. I’m very lucky and my Mum is the same. I have never smoked, rarely drink alcohol, I burn in the sun so stay out of it. So these guys who I meet at work don’t realise I am so much older. And even when they do realise or find out, it doesn’t seem to put them off. Someone asked if I look like JLo? No, but I’m told that I’m attractive.

@Yeahnahmum

What the fudge op. Do you hear what you are saying?

No. I don’t think OP does.

If I was 45 and looked 45 then it’s more obvious what they’re getting into.
If I’m 42 but look 32, it seems like a bit of a trick.

No. I don’t think OP does.
Can you explain what you object to?

@HappyDays36 does J want a relationship and to settle down and have a child with you? Is J willing to be step dad to your children you have currently. Or really because you look like J.lo does he want a bit of fun and find you attractive.

Either this a wind up or you having a mid life crisis due to coming out of a marriage recently.

Don’t people have relationships after divorce? I thought that was normal.

Sorry but I do think you're too old. Assuming you would wait a year or 2 before ttc I think it would be a real struggle to get pregnant, then the chances of complications, baby with disabilities and premature birth would be high. Then you would be parenting a teenager in your late 60's and by the time your dc is having dc of their own you will be too elderly/frail to be an active grandparent.

@HappyDays36

No. I don’t think OP does. Can you explain what you object to?

I wish I had your confidence. It’s not just about appearance. It’s the age gap and the fact that you will be at different life stages and weather these “younger guys” are compatible for you.

I’m sure many older women can bed a younger guy. I wouldn’t be shocked at all to hear that.

The industry that I work in can be the kind where people mostly date their own and marry their own. So I actually have a lot in common with these guys. The difference is the possible mismatch in cultural references but I find the fact that these men are more equal, more feminist, less misogynistic than men of my generation, makes up for the fact that they don’t know what “Woof” or “Cities of Gold” are.

@HappyDays36

Don’t people have relationships after divorce? I thought that was normal.

Your not in a relationship OP. Your hoping something becomes something based upon that you look fabulous and you are surrounded by young guys in your office

Or did I miss the part where J insisted he has the same ideas as you or is this just your own fantasy of what you would like

It is my own fantasy that I would like to have a happy relationship with a new partner, perhaps J if he wants that too.

Why do you want another one?
A brave PP admitted she was having trouble letting the "baby things" go, and really just wanted those baby cuddles.

God can you imagine a recently divorced 40 something bloke with 2 kids, posting online to say he had a 28 year old woman at work that he would like to impregnate?

Theres been some very disapproving threads on here about older men/younger women, so let's not have the double standards.

I didn’t think I would get such a hard time.

So you're asking what the chances are that a 28 year old man would want a serious relationship with you, a 42 year old woman with two children, and would want to crack on and have a child of his own with you straight away? I think you are being unrealistic. Men of that age can be flattered by attention from attractive older women, but that does not mean they would take you seriously as a life partner.