Too old for a 3rd child?

[HappyDays36]

I’m 42, recently split with husband. I have 2 boys aged 4 and 6.

I’m a hopeless romantic and still believe in love and marriage.

I work in an industry full of young, good looking, intelligent men (lucky me!). If I date one of these guys and things get serious then he might want a family and a biological child of his own. I’m open to that.

Has anyone been in that situation?

AIBU to think that at 42 I might meet someone new and have a baby with them while still fertile??

YABU - you’re too old to meet someone new and have another baby.
YANBU - anything is possible

How do you see this working, timelines? Are you planning on quick bunk up and get pregnant "accidentally" or date, get to know the guy who potentially will be you childrens step dad over a period of time, introduce him to your children gradually, let them get used to mum having a partner and they get to know him, move in together, get used to living as a family, as you still believe in marriage get married, then consider having children together......by which time you will be at least 45+

My mother was 41 when she had me and 44 when she had my younger sister my father was (28 with me)31. ( in the 80s) She had two kids at the time from a previous marriage. Do what makes you happy!

You are thinking way waaaayyy too far ahead!

42 is old. All sort of risks go up (chromosome disorders, pregnancy and birth complications). In the last 2 years 4 of my close friends over 40 got pregnant: 2 had a pregnancy with a baby with down syndrome (one had an abortion, the other one went ahead) and the other two had multiple miscarriages.

Of course people have healthy babies over 40 but these are the 'good' outcomes you see. nobody is banging on about miscarriages and having terminations because the baby has abnormalities which are m far more common in that age group.

besides, I think you are completely delusional if you think a young bloke is dying to get together with a women significantly older and with 2 young kids to have a baby in no time as your clock is ticking very loudly.

Maybe you should consider a pet instead.

My youngest DD is 12 and I had her at 40. Many of her friends are only kids. In real life fertility falls off a cliff at 43/44. Unless you are Sharon in Eastenders.

Your age isn't the reason you shouldn't be considering having a third child right now.

What you fancy some bloke at work and want to know if you can have a baby with him? You’re not even dating?

Do you not think that’s a bit weird?

42 is old.

Tactful. 😂

Is this sort of a reverse to prove how different things are for men and women?!

I'm going to be really honest and yes, I'd say this to a man as well.

It's really quite unlikely that a gorgeous, young man in his twenties who is building hid career is going to settle down with a divorced woman in her forties with two small children.

I mean it's not impossible and I'm sure you will go on to have a new relationship at some point...but the scenario you've described....really don't waste time worrying about that.

Actually, is this a reverse? Are you actually talking about your ex husband?

I'm going to be really honest and yes, I'd say this to a man as well.

It's really quite unlikely that a gorgeous, young man in his twenties who is building hid career is going to settle down with a divorced woman in her forties with two small children

You’d tell a 42 year old man that a gorgeous twenty something woman wouldn’t be interested in him and his two small children? But those relationships happen all the time.

I was 41 when I had my first. I'm 43 now, 44 later this year. DD has just turned 2. She's an only child. I won't be having any more as to be quite honest with you OP we're both permanently exhausted! Whilst 40s are not old and we're more solvent than we were in our 20s/early 30s, we both have less energy than we did when we were younger.

I think you're looking at this with rose tinted glasses picturing an idyllic scene. I doubt too a 28 year old would be looking to commit to a serious relationship with somebody in their 40s with 2 children either...

Did I really just read that...

You have a victim in mind that is 28....hahaha.... oh gosh. So not that you're in a deep and meaningful relationship where things are getting serious. Hahaha. I mean come on.

And aquamarine said silly school girl.

I cracked.up at that one @Aquamarine1029 loool

You’d tell a 42 year old man that a gorgeous twenty something woman wouldn’t be interested in him and his two small children? But those relationships happen all the time.

Only if he’s rich. Most 20-something career women don’t want to be a stepmother unless it comes with a lot of perks.

Actually this does smack of a reverse, doesn’t it? I reckon OP’s husband has left and is considering taking up with a younger woman and having kids right away.

In which case OP yabvu to do a reverse because they are manipulative and annoying, but not unreasonable to be annoyed at your ex for not putting your existing kids first.

Actually, is this a reverse? Are you actually talking about your ex husband?

Ohhhhh I bet you've nailed it there!

What's romantic about introducing a screaming, shitting kid to a relationship with a toyboy at the earliest possible opportunity? Whilst he's still getting to grips with being a stepdad to your older two?

Jesus Christ, you're making my mum look sane and rational, and I tell you, that's some feat.

She turned down my lovely (toyboy) dad the first time, biological clock and severe fertility issues on her side be damned, because she had my older half siblings to think about. You're fantasising about crowbaring some poor unsuspecting man into this blended family.

@formerbabe

Actually, is this a reverse? Are you actually talking about your ex husband?

I think you’re right.

^42 is old.

Tactful. 😂^

It really isn’t and if OP was already in a relationship with her younger bloke and they wanted a child, that would be fine. The reality is they haven’t even been on a date yet, let alone established a relationship! While a 28 year old may want children in the fullness of time, I doubt they’d want to rush into it with a new partner. By the time it would be realistic to consider children OP would be too old!

You aren't too old (probably) but even if you were trying now you would need to have in mind it may not be possible. I'm in a similar position but older so time is very much not on my side, we both have kids though so won't have any of our own which makes me a little sad because it's something we will never share but the flip side is we have freedom (or did until lockdown!)

Weird post. No you're not too old to meet someone else but yes you are too old to have another child and you're way too old for these ridiculous fantasies.

It’s not really your age that’s the problem as much as current circumstances. I think you and your kids need a bit of time to adjust to your new living situation without throwing a new sibling into the mix.

Cecily that was in the context of having children. I would have though this obvious

@Happydays36 YANBU. I know friends who are in their 40s and 50s trying for a baby through donor conception.

Personally, I don't mind dating in my 40s but always be careful about how the wrong guys can play games, don't let them break your heart or hurt you. Always be true to yourself. You deserve to be respected and treated like a queen! For me, I wouldn't want any more kids in my 40s.