Support bubbles aibu to be furious.....

[TriciaH]

So basically an adult living alone or single parent can go into another's house. Great for them if they have been alone for 10 weeks. However two working parents both due back into work, one is a lorry driver but schools now have no space for the children as year groups gone back to school mean no room cannot ask for help with kids. One parent is likely going to have to give up work as we have 3 months before the remote chance the children go back to school which still is only likely to be part time. What the heck are we working parents supposed to do.

Am I unreasonable to think the government need to come up with a plan to help keep us mums in our jobs because let's face it we are going to be the ones at home with the kids giving up our career? This is going to put us on a back foot with employers for years.

StealthPolarBear

"From this Saturday in England, single adults living alone - or single parents with children under 18 - can form a "support bubble" with one other household. The second household can be of any size but the measure does not include anyone who is shielding. "

www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-51506729

@nostaples the school have a priority list it's 2 keyworkers, single parent, at risk children, the year groups meant to be in school then one key worker families. The spaces in school are all taken up due to the smaller bubble sizes and not having enough teachers due to some shielding. So school is not an option. Guess we will figure it out. Just want some normality back.

It's shit OP but I think the bubble is for the well being of people living alone. The fact that a single grandparent will in some cases be able to baby sit is a side issue.

It isn't fair though. It's not fair that a family have to choose just one grandparent when two of them live alone. It's not fair that I can't see my DGC because I live with DH.

Hopefully things will change soon. But looking at pictures of the beaches in the hot weather and the demonstrations we could be in for the second wave.

@nostaples, not all schools were. My gc father doesn't have PR (court removed) but the school was wanting letters from his employers etc and making thibgs difficult for my DD. So I just provided childcare instead.

OP, the rules are about to change again. What you are suggesting isn't going to be a big infection risk. Do what you need to do, to work and for your families well-being.

my friend is coming in my support bubble shes a single mum on her own with a 6month old in a remote area. He doesn't sleep well she's completely alone and I feel for her, I had already offered her to move in because of lock down but at least now she can have some help and respite as I worry about her MH.

I understand where you are coming from OP but this is hard for everyone and your job are'nt being very sympathetic

Everything is just guidance- so if you need childcare than arrange it.

With my very cynical hat on...

I wonder if one of the reasons that Boris et al haven’t included measures that would help you and others in your position is that if you voluntarily leave work then you can’t sign on (at least it used to be like that; not sure if it is still the case) and the job becomes available for someone else thereby effectively getting someone else back to work. And as they are working with figures in a spreadsheet it’s all just one big numbers juggling act to them - they don’t have time to see the real people and problems caused.

Everything is not guidance. Some of it is law, that is why sanctions are available.

Hugs don't put food on the table.

No they don't but they fucking well give single/lonely/alone people a sense that there is another human being in the world who cares about them.

The mental health of those who have been unable to even hold the hand of someone they love for months on end is at risk too - it's not just all about you. If/when that deteriorates to a point they cannot work, how will food get on their table then?

In your rage to bitch about something that is not perfectly designed for your particular precise situation, you are coming across as a very mean spirited person.

We're all in this together. Life is differently shit for different people. It's not hard to understand that.

Why don't you go hug and kiss and hold your family and see how nice it feels? Give them a big kiss from everyone who can't do that.

I'm not really seeing how your problem of both parents needing to go back to work is relevant to the new "social/support bubble" idea? The only way it might work for you is if either you or your DH have a single friend or parent who could help with childcare?

TBH though, people are already just doing their own thing, and doing what needs to be done, and keeping it a bit hush-hush.

OP for you and many others in your situation there are a couple of useful threads on the Coronavirus topic relating specifically to the impact of ongoing school closures on working mothers. Momentum seems to be gathering to address this so you’ll get some support there.

And the irony of the OP being told to stop complaining and that her situation could be loads worse and it’s not a competition By loads of people telling her that their situation IS much worse!

TriciaH, with respect, perhaps reflect on your tone. It's not a competition. By expressing one's personal difficulties/ asking for support, you are not taking away or conflicting with somebody else's.

It should be OK to say you're struggling and to ask for help, whoever you are and whatever your circumstances.

*There are two of you to tag team child care / homeschool and work. Two of you to give each other a break, whether it be early mornings, bedtimes or during the day.

Single parents have been the sole carer for their kids for weeks. Adults living all alone have had no one - not a single person they can go within 2 m of.

These people really need it. You don’t. The government needs to keep the numbers of people mixing down, that’s why it’s not extended beyond those who absolutely need it.*

This!!

Sadly it does not surprise me to see there are couples have no understanding or empathy for those adults and single parents who have had to live alone for months on end. We've felt ignored for months.

People have no idea what it's like in general

There were reports in the week that the pandemic has affected BAME and single parents most financially. A household with 2 earners is on average better off. Add to that the emotional load, educational load, cooking load, lack of free school meals single parents have dealt with alone and I think it is a bit unfair to be judging when the govt has clearly deemed them most at risk of presumably isolation and poverty.

Totally agree with this too. This is the first time I can remember seeing single parents prioritised over couples for once. We live in a society that is more privileged for couples.

Op you responded but nothing on the point that you can use your parents for essential childcare. That you can have them to be the nanny etc.

Rules always allow some for some adjustment, that is what precedent in law are, adjustments to laws that set a precedent.

Also the government has issued guidelines and rules and lots of the true nitty gritty was not defined. Some have so far been relaxed for special needs like the exercise one was.

Therefore like I said before and many on this thread have said, use your judgement.

I think you are talking about a non issue for your family at this stage. As your parents are willing and able to help and know your son well, so why have you not used them as essential childcare that is in the regulations?

Why not hire them as nanny or childminder, also in the regulations?

What is actually stopping you except your need to rant? Fine but why conflate it with bubbles set up to help a vulnerable group. Why play divide and conquer tactics. It is not single people against people in a couple.

The government has just directed their relaxation of rules where they thought it was needed most. More relaxations are to come and this one is not even an early one. Others that offered a bonus to those in couples came before this one.

dancingthroughthedark

But you can offer help, you can be essential childcare.

You can be their nanny or childminder.

Use your common sense as the rules have so many gaps that allow people to do this.

There is nothing stopping you from offering help and going to help your son and dil, if you want to. Especially not a child returned from university.

I keep on hearing on mumsnet how schools are either not offering or refusing keyworker children or those with an EHCP, I think schools are playing a little game here, trying wherever they can to deny education. It definitely needs to be looked at.

"Helen Lewis wrote about this subject a month or two back and took a lot of stick for it at the time (apparently it wasn't the right time to talk about women's rights but then when is it ever?"
I can answer that! When all other injustices have been removed and every man is perfectly happy. Women, get to the back of the queue.

Bess Marvin thanks for the link. Interesting, I'd put money on that not being what he said but it's academic now. If it's on the BBC people will (quite rightly) assume they're right. Hopefully this will open up support for lots of people.

No problem. I didn't see the actual Boris update cos of dealing with the baby so I get all my info from the BBC updates. So I hope they are right!

Agree it's definitely confusing / not spelled out enough. Have looked at this and section 1 refers to it and I think that it's saying that only 1 household has to be a single one.
www.gov.uk/government/publications/coronavirus-outbreak-faqs-what-you-can-and-cant-do/coronavirus-outbreak-faqs-what-you-can-and-cant-do

Sorry OP.

I’m sorry but people need jobs more than they need hugs!

Learn some compassion. If I lose my job, it will be a shame but I will find another. If I continue being completely isolated, I will likely commit suicide in the next few weeks. The situation is intolerable. So while I'm sorry that you and your partner who are able to support each other, are struggling to find childcare for the child you chose to have, I would politely request that you fuck off with your judgemental and dismissive attitude towards people who have effectively been living in solitary confinement for nearly 4 months.

If I continue being completely isolated, I will likely commit suicide in the next few weeks.

I am so sorry you are struggling, nothing. I sincerely hope you can find a path through this.

Solitary confinement is well documented as having very negative effects on humans: en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Solitary_confinement#Use

Thanks Buzz. My therapist has arranged temporary office space so he can see me in person from the week after next so that will really help me but a lot of people aren't that lucky. The dismissive attitude on here towards peoples mental wellbeing makes me really bloody angry.