Support bubbles aibu to be furious.....

[TriciaH]

So basically an adult living alone or single parent can go into another's house. Great for them if they have been alone for 10 weeks. However two working parents both due back into work, one is a lorry driver but schools now have no space for the children as year groups gone back to school mean no room cannot ask for help with kids. One parent is likely going to have to give up work as we have 3 months before the remote chance the children go back to school which still is only likely to be part time. What the heck are we working parents supposed to do.

Am I unreasonable to think the government need to come up with a plan to help keep us mums in our jobs because let's face it we are going to be the ones at home with the kids giving up our career? This is going to put us on a back foot with employers for years.

I’m sorry but people need jobs more than they need hugs!

Have you any idea at all what total lack of physical contact does to a person ? I haven't had any at all for four months now and it's devastating. I don't mean a lot of contact, absolutely nothing. Not a hand on my arm, not a single touch.

OP hiring her parents as unregistered CMs is genius. And it's legal afaik, for OP's kids to be in their house under those terms since the grandies are close blood relatives.

I think your need to have your parents help would come under the category of essential! If they agreed and as a family you were comfortable with it then just do it. Losing your job long term for what might be only weeks of help from your parents does not seem common sense.

DFE guidance has changed for keyworker children. Children of keyworkers are encouraged to attend school regardless of work place (working from home).

Single parents are also struggling with childcare issues . Just with the added bonus of being lonely as hell most of the time . Can confirm - not fun.

Some people have been furious at every slight adjustment to the guidelines and whatabouted at every step. Unless they lift everything at once (and some people would be furious about that), someone will have something to be pissed off about.

Use your judgment, follow your instincts and protect your children. Isn’t this what Dominic Cummings did? Your instinct is telling you that you need to work to protect your family. I’d go with this. Paying your mum is genius and legal.

This isn't China, we are ruled by consent in the UK

Well, actually we’re all subject to the law

Just use them, what do you think will honestly happen if you do? The bubble is great news for people who have been living alone or struggling on alone, and seperate to your issue.

@makingmiracles

I cannot keep up with all the rule changes....I thought last week they made it law you cannot be in someone’s house if you don’t live there? Now they are saying a single person can mix with a household bubble?

So MIL can come over for her Gdaughters birthday then?

Totally confused 🤷🏻‍♀️

They are easing the lockdown all the time yet. A single person, or a single parent of small children can 'bubble' with another single person or single parent of small children. Presumably you have a dh, so sadly not to your scenario

Never did I say they can afford to be stay at home parents. I agree they need the support I just think families with two working parents who are not both keyworkers are being forgotten.

You're not being forgotten but it's small steps at a time, the single people who are WFH or been furloughed are struggling as well. They need to be kept safe in terms of their mental health. You talked about you can work and pay tax etc, if the single people be one do unwell then they won't be able to work and pay tax and they will need to access the NHS resources also.

It's tough but it can't all be lifted at once.

@LellyMcKelly

I don’t think the rules apply if you need childcare. That was certainly Dominic Cummings rationale and the prime minister himself and half the cabinet said it was perfectly acceptable.

Very true. Op, how's your eyesight?

OP I know several families who now have grandparents caring for their kids because they simply have no choice. If your parents are not shielded and both your households are happy to do it just go ahead.

Surely just use your parents for childcare if this is suitable, only a fool would give up their job for something that will probably be all change again in a couple of weeks anyway.

I know several families where the grandparents are providing care and have been from the beginning of lockdown, under their interpretation of the "care of vulnerable people" clause. I think you'd be a martyr to give your job up if your parents are happy to care for your kids, especially as your son is autistic.

It’s about risk - a single person household representing less of a risk than x2 multi person adult households

And it’s about the mental health crisis for those living alone, those separate from their partners etc

@StealthPolarBear all of the news reports actually say that a LP or single household person can mix with 1 other household regardless of who's living there. Doesn't have to be 2 single households.

Also, I know a number of people who have bent rules to be able to use family members as childcare when needed. I haven't needed to personally but if I had to figure out childcare in order to work and school or nursery was not an option I would assess the risk and do what was necessary.

We're going to start sending the kids to PIL one day a week so that DH and I can get some work done and because they are desperate to spend some time with their grandchildren. It's against the rules, although wouldn't be if MIL was single, but I don't give a shit at this stage.

This is entirely a problem of your own making. You can either make your own decisions or follow the government on this. If you decide to follow the government, that's your issue. Even the government don't follow the government. The risk is the same, whether they say it is safe or not. Why can't you risk assess?

One of the families participating in a bubble must be a single person household or single parent with children under 18. Both needn't be. So as a two-parent household, you can form a bubble, you just need to find a single person to bubble with!

It's rough that your children can't attend - that may change as things settle down. There will be some parents who decide not to send their children which could open spaces for children on the lower priority list. Fingers crossed for you.

I could have written this post op.

Same situation.
No room at primary and our year group aren't even on the list to go bak before September.

No grandparents for summer holidays help at this rate.

I'm due back to work early July but currently have absolutely no childcare and every time I bring it up with boss to try and come up with a plan he says there's no plan as yet until we know what the guidelines are at work.

We are over £600 a month down plus potential commission and a new incentive scheme I just signed up for before this happened so am shit out and struggling and it's not going to get any better if I've got no childcare by July.

Hugs and health are important but so is paying the mortgage.

Our local bowls club for the retirees has opened up again. Marvellous eh,they get to socialise at a distance and enjoy themselves whilst our kids can't get their education and I'm struggling every month financially.

It's not feeling good.

I'm angry about it this week.
My kids are missing out on their friends ,my older dd is getting masses of gcse work and navigating her way through and has been offered one day a week at school starting next week.

Have you all written to you MP yet btw, or just moaning on mumsnet?

Just make a decision that is best for your need without being careless and selfish. If you have a set of grandparents around willing to help, use them. Just don’t go wild with the help and ask every person you know to help. Make your own little bubble. This is best for you, your family, your jobs and keeps the risk low. That is the idea of all this.

On a different note, I was at the hospital the other day for a checkup as heavily pregnant. There was zero social distancing amongst staff and visitors. So if they are not concerned then why are the people sat at home losing jobs and seeing no-one. With the level of complacency at the hospital it really showed how some are thinking about this now. This is not a dig at all, just an observation that in some sectors no one is doing anything, others everyone is getting back to normal

YANBU to want help in your situation but you are being very unreasonable to link it to this new adjustment to the guidelines. It's there to support single parents and single adult households emotionally not to provide childcare. By all means fight your own battle for support but don't try to make single parents feel guilty when they are already at their lowest after months of isolation.

I think you're right to be angry with the govt - they haven't done anything to help working parents go back to work. What working parents need is childcare, schools.

Like others on this thread, I would assess the risks of sending your kids to their grandparents.

Don't be angry with single parents though - they need this support that has been announced. It's very difficult being without another adult ever and my understanding of the bubble announcement is that its purpose is to help with isolation, not childcare - . And for most single parents this isn't helping them go back to work - it's so tough, at least you have two of you at home.

My neighbour and I are both youngish in our 50s grandmothers living alone and have always assisted out families with childcare until Lockdown. My neighbour has a car and has been able to see her family under the social distancing rules since this was allowed. I don't have a car so I haven't been able to do this. As a single household she can now have her family at home, hug her grandchildren and have them for sleepovers. At the beginning of lockdown my student son had to come home to live so I can't. Nothing in this situation is ever going to be fair for everyone. My son works for the emergency services and is having to try and sleep during the day while my DIL is at her wits end trying to keep 3 small children quiet being able to assist them by having the children would be hugely beneficial but I can't because my son is here yet if he was 17 it would be ok. it really makes no sense at all.