Coronaviurus to be past caring that for one day i was unreasonable

[Pixiemame]

So it was my DM’s 60th birthday at the weekend. We had a family holiday booked to portugal to celebrate which was obviously cancelled. Me my dh and our 2 children haven’t seen family apart from parents at the bottom of my front garden 3 or 4 times and the same with my sister and her 2 children. At the weekwnd we decided to go round to our parents house to celebrate DM’s birthday. We didn’t hug but we did sit inside the house for a while and in the garden. We had a few drinks (2 or 3) each, took some photos, some of which i uploaded to facebook. We all had our own plastic cups and cutlery, paper plates and napkins that we brought from our own houses, along with food we made at home. I know i may have been unreasonable but AIBU to be past caring? I haven’t taken my kids to the beach, they aren’t going bacl to school, they haven’t been anywhere near a park or supermarket and none of my family are high risk. Like a lot of people we have all been pretty miserable and myself very very low and anxious, so to spend 2/3 hours with my family was amazing. Call me selfish if you like but i do not regret it.

[Popc0rn]

Well what did she actually say OP?

[MadameMeursault]

You broke the rules. You’re an idiot. If we end up with a second wave and back in full lockdown people like you are to blame. Your friend did the right thing calling you out on it. And you must know that really. Quit with the poor me act.

[Pixiemame]

But does having the right to do or say something mean that you necessarily should do or say what you like? There are plenty of things that i've seen online that i don't really agree with but i don't always feel the need to comment.

[LemonadeAndDaisyChains]

Well what did she actually say OP?

Was just wondering the same, original post isn't clear.
Was she demanding you justify like you say, or disagreeing with you flouting lockdown rules?
There's a difference

[marmalade86]

Well, that is fair enough. But something is still amiss. So what if a total stranger demanded justification about something completely nonsensical. I doubt you would feel so strongly. You have bought in to this person's judgement of you. It does sound a bit like it is the public nature of her comment that got to you (you mentioned she could have messaged you personally). Or, is this person's approval particularly important to you?

[Pixiemame]

Make an example of me? Really! I do not feel any shame what so ever for going to see my parents. I made a decision which my parents and other family members were all comfortable with.

[Hearhoovesthinkzebras]

But does having the right to do or say something mean that you necessarily should do or say what you like?

Well, you didn't have the right to break lockdown rules but you chose to do it anyway so I'm not sure you've really got a leg to stand on what it comes to questioning whether other people are in the wrong.

You chose to break the rules and then chose to post the photos on Facebook.

She chose to call you out.

Shit happens.

[bubbleup]

I'm willing to bet she didn't just comment
"I demand you explain yourself now!" What did you say to her first OP?

[Pixiemame]

It's not really that she did this publicly. To be honest i think even if she had messaged me privately, but still in the same abrupt manner, i'd have told her politely where to go. I have no issue with the fact that she doesn't agree with me spending time with my parents. She has the right to her opinion, but what she doesn't have, is the right to demand that i justify myself. I haven't actually done anything illegal, i assume people realise that? I weighed up the risks and acted accordingly.

[Runkle]

Come on now, you're a big girl. You knew exactly what you were doing going to your mum's and exactly what you were doing posting on FB. You can't now be faux outraged at people calling you out. Just crack on.

[Pixiemame]

She posted the word irresponsible in capitals with a couple of ! and ?
I replied saying that she was entitled to her opinion. She wrote that yes she was entitled to her opinion and that i have been reckless. I told her that i didn't need to justify myself and she replied well yes actually you do. I told her no and she posted back i was pathetic and selfish.

[Hearhoovesthinkzebras]

I haven't actually done anything illegal, i assume people realise that?

Well...


The updated English law makes social gatherings of more than six people outside, and of two or more people inside, illegal unless they live in the same household

[Pixiemame]

Fair enough.

[marmalade86]

Yeah, I can see she didn't communicate in a very empathetic way and that it contained lots of judgement. The thing is though, she can still say what she wants - there is no absolute rule against that, right? She didn't break any laws, just your own personal world view. Her views and behaviour are beyond your control - how you interpret her comments are completely on you. You can disagree but still have to accept that people have different views and will not necessarily communicate them with grace.

[bubbleup]

"I haven't actually done anything illegal, i assume people realise that?"

Yes. You have. But I'd been assuming you realised that when you put it on Facebook.

And to be honest, we are all socially responsible and the law requires us to justify ourselves when we break laws in place to protect society. In this case, from an overwhelming increase in cases of something that we are able to prevent. If we stick to the law.

It's understandable why you did it but she's right (and lots of other people are thinking what she's saying) so YABU.

[marmalade86]

*Getting angry and ruminating on it doesn't help you, so best thing to do is try and move on.

[Pixiemame]

Needless to say this is my only "crime" in life so i can sleep soundly at night. I understand why people don't agree with what i did, i explained that at the beginning of my post, but how about we start using our own minds and assessing risk for ourselves, or do you all prefer to be babied by BJ and wait to be told what your common sense should already be telling you.

[marmalade86]

I agree with you OP. The government have not a clue and can't even follow their own rules. Half the rules don't even make any sense. Sensible individual judgements of the current situation based on common sense seems a reasonable position to take. Why don't you go get some rest and start a fresh one tomorrow!

[1forAll74]

I can't think why you have to tell anyone on here,or any other social media, that you had a gathering for a 60th birthday meet up.

[Pixiemame]

Thanks marmalade i will. Just one final thing. I'm not at all saying we shouldn't listen to advice based on scientific judgement. However when it comes to BJ and certain advisers their advice has at times been un clear and quite frankly contradictory. I had stuck to the rules 100% previously and whilst i think some restrictions are clear and are in place to genuinely keep us safe, some are bordering on ridiculous and make no rational sense. I'll continue watching the news briefings to see what is announced as time goes on but i'll also continue to exercise caution and use common sense to determine what i think is safe for my own family, and no, that doesn't mean i'll be having regular gatherings with family like we did at the weekend.

[SomeDyke]

Yet again, we have the 'additional risk to me was miniscule, so we did it' line.......
Except if everyone who had a parent or grandparent with a birthday during lockdown had decided to have a family party, now what is the chance that some of those parties would have meant that multiple members of a single family became infected. And like that case reported in the NYT link someone gave, you end up with multiple members of the same family dead. That is the risk to us all, not just to you. Because you thought you are too important and too special to join in with the social approbation we need in order to try and get enough people to refuse to have such a party. Even worse, you thought it was okay to publicise what you had done, to help encourage, in effect, others to do the same and ignore the risks the way you did. Socially irresponsible behaviour.

[SomeDyke]

Sensible individual judgements of the current situation based on common sense seems a reasonable position to take.
Why, it's never worked before! And I'm sure, for example, it was what my Dad always said before he decided to drink and drive..........No, what worked instead was making drink driving socially unacceptable, that saved lives, not 'individual commonsense'..................

[Chicchicchicchiclana]

There's something of the super-soaker about this thread

[Aridane]

YABU

[MrMeSeeks]

Right except if everyone ‘just assessed the risk’ we’re going to end up with another huge wave of infections
You know you were wrong, you could potentially be carrying it And i do not blame your friend for pulling you up on it.
If she’s following rules she’s probably frustrated as I am when people decide it’s up to them whether they follow the rules.
Afraid it may not have been your intention (and i’ll give you the benefit of doubt) but agree With others that your post does read as if you want people to agree that you were not in the wrong & justify your actions.
I certainly would not post on sm, (yes you can post what you like On there), but posting things like this are rightfully going to annoy people and you may fall out with friends!