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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Coronaviurus to be past caring that for one day i was unreasonable

227 replies

Pixiemame · 10/06/2020 21:42

So it was my DM’s 60th birthday at the weekend. We had a family holiday booked to portugal to celebrate which was obviously cancelled. Me my dh and our 2 children haven’t seen family apart from parents at the bottom of my front garden 3 or 4 times and the same with my sister and her 2 children. At the weekwnd we decided to go round to our parents house to celebrate DM’s birthday. We didn’t hug but we did sit inside the house for a while and in the garden. We had a few drinks (2 or 3) each, took some photos, some of which i uploaded to facebook. We all had our own plastic cups and cutlery, paper plates and napkins that we brought from our own houses, along with food we made at home. I know i may have been unreasonable but AIBU to be past caring? I haven’t taken my kids to the beach, they aren’t going bacl to school, they haven’t been anywhere near a park or supermarket and none of my family are high risk. Like a lot of people we have all been pretty miserable and myself very very low and anxious, so to spend 2/3 hours with my family was amazing. Call me selfish if you like but i do not regret it.

OP posts:
Original poster
Pixiemame · 10/06/2020 22:24

I don't claim that my situation is unique. My dh parent's live over 300 miles away and haven't seen them at all, and don't plan on making the 5 hour+ journey to see them, which stupidly we are actually allowed to do, as long as we sit in their garden.

OP posts:
Rainbowx · 10/06/2020 22:30

Never post on fb OP ! remove friend move on dont worry people have done much worse since lockdown started

Macncheeseballs · 10/06/2020 22:33

Break the rules if you must but why the need to broadcast it on Facebook? be a wee bit more sensitive to others

Original poster
Pixiemame · 10/06/2020 22:33

I understand what you're saying in that i didn't have to post pictures to facebook. Before coronavirus i'd have likely posted a few pics if we'd had a family gathering, so why i shouldn't i be able to now? Of course i expect some people to not agree with me seeing my family, but then do people not understand that they can disagree with someone or something and simply scroll on past without commenting? To be honest it was just the arrogance of her saying plain as day that i need to justify myself to her. I mean who writes that?

OP posts:
Macncheeseballs · 10/06/2020 22:34

this is a time for a bit of sensitivity to what others are going through

EC22 · 10/06/2020 22:36

You broke the rules and posted the rule break if Facebook. Criticism should be expected.

If you’re past caring why are you posting.

Macncheeseballs · 10/06/2020 22:37

Your actions are more 'arrogant' than her comment

Thingsthatgo · 10/06/2020 22:41

You’re just asking for criticism posting the photos on Facebook, and I think you probably knew that before you even did it. You don’t have to justify yourself to her, but breaking the rules and then declaring it publicly is not a clever thing to do.

Original poster
Pixiemame · 10/06/2020 22:42

I get what you're saying but i posted around 10/11 photos and 2 of them were of us inside when we went in to grab presents to give to my DM. We then went back outside. Honestly i find it hard to understand how that could offend people. I have both sets of grandparents who are in their late 80's and early 90's and i wouldn't dream of going visiting them as they truly are vulnerable and have various medical conditions. My mum is 60, my dad 59, both still working in low risk jobs, no underlying conditions. Sister and kids all at home ie out of school and working from home just like me, my children and DH. We weighed up the risks for our own personal circumstances and kept to minimal contact. Surely i can't be the only person doing this, instead of waiting for Boris Johnson, to tell me what is right for my family.

OP posts:
Nonnymum · 10/06/2020 22:42

I don't understand why you had to go in the house. You can see people outdoors in the garden or in parks but not inside. So yes I think you were being unreasonable

ekidmxcl · 10/06/2020 22:45

Facebook was your mistake here.

Josette77 · 10/06/2020 22:45

Facebook is not you family photo album or your diary. If you post on "social media" people will interact with what you post.

category12 · 10/06/2020 22:46

I understand what you're saying in that i didn't have to post pictures to facebook. Before coronavirus i'd have likely posted a few pics if we'd had a family gathering, so why i shouldn't i be able to now?

Because you know perfectly well it was likely to be controversial and be seen as rule-breaking. If you don't like being challenged on behaviour, don't put it out there publicly. It was bound to upset and annoy people - we've all been stuck in lockdown, over 40000 people have died. "Wah wah why shouldn't I do whatever I want without someone questioning me about it?"

Original poster
Pixiemame · 10/06/2020 22:49

I may have broken the rules, but at least i didn't do so and try to conceal it, acting all holier than now, making out i'm above other people .Believe me i know people who have done this, but instead of choosing to call them out when they have posted various things on facebook, i just scrolled past and minded my own business. Like i've already said, usually i'm all about the rules and have done everything in my power to reduce the chances of us catching the virus, but i'm only human, and unlike some, i don't pretend to be perfect.

OP posts:
Trevsadick · 10/06/2020 22:52

It seems to me that you did it to get a reaction.

Or you wre posting about here to get reaction.

Its against the rules. It was your decision to break them....then share in social media.

By sharing on social media, you literally invite people to comment. Of course the rule breaking is going to annoy some people. You knew this. Posted anyway, specially including photos of you in the house.

You are absolutely allowed to do that. As people are absolutely allowed to comment.

Original poster
Pixiemame · 10/06/2020 22:56

I didn’t post to get a reaction. I had quite a lot of positive comments too, mostly wishing my dm a happy birthday and saying they hope she had a good day. So clearly most people didn’t have a problem with this.

OP posts:
RhianFuckingMorris · 10/06/2020 22:58

Oh FFS. You're still here with your list of reasons Hmm

No one gives 2 shits if you think you have been honest, gloaty, bored,lonely or what.

You broke the rules. Someone pulled you up on it. That's pissed you off because they've also broken the rules.

Go and call them out for being a hypocrite and stop expecting strangers to tell you what you did was ok, understandable, idiotic or whatever.

runrabbitrunrunrun · 10/06/2020 22:58

The simple answer is don’t post your life on Facebook. Why do you do it? Do likes matter to you?

category12 · 10/06/2020 22:58

Or most people didn't want an argument.

If you only ever want cheerleading, then you're likely to be disappointed in life.

Porcupineinwaiting · 10/06/2020 23:00

It's not really about whether other people are fine about it or not though, it's about whether you gave your mum a little something extra for her birthday. Hopefully she got lucky but I dont really get your justification.

LemonadeAndDaisyChains · 10/06/2020 23:00

YABU, sorry (even if you friend was being a bit knobbish to point it out)
It's people doing what the hell they want that makes it fine for people looking at you MIL and mum, you too! to think I'm being overly paranoid and weirdly controlling by sticking to the rules.
Take mum having a get together in her garden for birthday in a couple of weeks, absolutely fine, just us 4 and mum and Dad.
"Another couple won't hurt, will it? Er, yes it bloody will! Anyway they're sticking to it now as I'm not backing down but FFS.
Or MIL "you can come in if you want" it's not that I don't want, it's that I'm just sticking to the rules!
Teenager just started to go out with a couple of his mates again after several months of not going out at all now it's up to 6 people.
Makes you wonder why the hell we bother when people are bending rules to suit themselves, but I'm keeping on doing us and fingers up to anyone trying to make us feel bad about it/overly paranoid/unreasonable and uncaring!

LAlady · 10/06/2020 23:01

You broke the rules. You posted it on Facebook. Someone commented.

If it was a friend of mine I wouldn't have commented or reacted but would be silently thinking "you broke the rules"

Trevsadick · 10/06/2020 23:01

Yes you did post to get a reactio .

Why else post the photos on Facebook of you in the house?

Most people couldn't be arsed commenting or just don't give a shit.

You did this to make some sort of point.

Original poster
Pixiemame · 10/06/2020 23:02

No, likes don’t really matter to me. But then you could ask the same question to any person who uses social media and question them as to why they post. I don’t mind people not agreeing with me, i sometimes don’t agree with other people, that’s life. But if someone replied to a post of yours demanding that you justify a decision that you made, would you be happy with that?

OP posts:
Butchyrestingface · 10/06/2020 23:03

But why shouldn't i be able to post what i like on facebook? For fear of upsetting or offending people?

Presumably your friend takes the same view and thinks she should be able to post what she likes on FB too. Hence why she called you out on your rule breaking.

You are the one who invited comment by posting the pics - and that's what you got. 🤷‍♀️. You must have known that was going to happen.